在乎即一切

【What is mattering?】
#in our world, we are indeed connected to people in a meaningful way. Others are usually aware of your presence and notice when you come or go. They recognize you in social gatherings. Your successes are a source of pride to many of them. They are willing to listen to your problems. They may even feel close enough to you to criticize you for your own good. 
在一个不熟的社交场合被打招呼真的有一种被recognized、很心安的感觉。
#mattering has protective power: When we matter, we know that anti-social/ self-destructive behaviours would be a disappointment to the people/ institutions we are connected; the bond of nuturance and approval will be jeopardized
mattering是很多自杀未遂/抑郁的人的最后一根稻草吧
#it is better to matter negatively, than not to matter at all.
#occasional dounts about mattering are common in everyday personal experience. but after serious introspection, we will find we matter to the world around me. 
【learning to be human 】
#to be sure, all human beings are born with impulses, embedded in our genetic and biological make-up
#the socialization theory: the process of learning how to be human. The teachers are the significant others in a person’s life, beginning with parents and other family members, continuing with friends, other peers, and teachers, and extending throughout the life course to include lovers, neighbors, employers, and even one’s own children. We never stop learning more about who we are. 
#Building a self is a social process that begins at birth and continues throughout the life course. It is predicated upon the development of cognitive capacities, which is determined both by genetic make-up and the socialization provided to us by those around us. The kind of self that one constructs is a product of everyday experiences as a person matures. 
#As cognitive capacities develop, the structure of the self becomes an increasingly complex and sophisticated construct, arranged in a way that is significant and meaningful to a person. 
【forms of mattering】
1. awareness: you matter because other people acknowledge your existance （e.g.when you walk into the room, you are greeted by other ppl)
2. importantce: you matter because other ppl invest time and energy in us to promote your welfare; provide you with emotional support, are willing to inconvenience themselves to see that your needs are met, or take pride in your achievements
想起了之前关于爸爸妈妈的区别的思考，爸爸愿意牺牲一些自己的时间来接我回家。
 3. reliance: you matter because you feel other people need you and rely on you
可能这也是我喜欢帮助别人、分享我的知识和经历的原因吧
 “do you want to know what it means not to matter? Just retire.” 😢
"the element of choice is crucial." 被坚定地、独特的选择的感觉。
 “the person notices me, is concerned for me, and asks me for help.”
【mattering and the self as entity 】—a coginitive social psychology perspective:
#human beings are rational creatures who think about themselves and the world based on their cognitions. Rejecting the simple stimulus–response model of the behaviorists, cognitive social psychologists assert that the individual intervenes between the stimulus and the response. 
#"self-apparasal leads to selection": In response, we have learned to be selectively perceptive, deciding which stimuli merit our attention and which can be ignored. 
Our choice of what to perceive is often influenced by the motivations underlying our participation in a social encounter (can lead to a biased understanding of what happened and why)
#self-concept: personal identity( physical, cognitive, emotional aspects), social identity (how we are compared to others-race, gender, student)
#the main ways we construct our self-concepts: 
reflected appraisals (strongest source): we internalize the image of ourselves that is communicated ot us by others. (e.g. the feedback we get from significant others in our lives goes a long way in determining whether we matter)
social comparison: comparing oursleves to others
self-attribution: based on observation of one's own behavior and the conditions under which it occurs 
#self-schemata: an interpretive structure that help lend coherence to life experiences
It has influence on the retention, retrieval and the organization of the memory.
是啊！好多时候我的回忆都会对事实再加工，而这再加工的标准就是由我的性格特点、对世界的信念所影响
#杂：
people with different socialization experiences will find themselves at different points of the mattering continuum
one's sense of mattering may change proceeding through the life course.
【mattering and self as process 】- the structual symbolic interactionism
#CSP: meaning is an integral part of the object itself; SI: all meaning is socially constructed and imposed on objects 
#self as a process: a conversation between "I" and "Me"
"I": the impulsive part of the self, react to a stimulus prior to any cognitive assessment of it ("the gut reaction")
 "Me": a person imagetively takes the perspective of another to look back at the self
by early adolescence, a person has learned to take the viewpoint of an "amorphous they" to look at oneself
#situacted identity: form a picture of who we are as paricipants in a given interaction 
the need to reassure myself that I matter in an interaction important to me
 我发现我在有些场合就会很放松、认为自己应该承担起聊天/开玩笑/组织游戏的责任；但是在和美国人相处的很多场合我都会保持沉默、压力大，有可能是我无意识地意识到自己是少数、是边缘群体
#biographical identity: the accumulated memory of aspects of past situated identities 
#structural symbolic interactionism: it embeds the situacted and biographical identities within the context of society's established social instituttions.
#role identity: imagination of oneself as he likes to think of himself being an dacting as an occupant of that position
e.g. how should I behave as a member of a particular race; how my value is determined by our socioeconomic status
很感同身受，比如我很希望我是一个外向开朗活泼、照顾每个人情绪的人
比如作为皮尔逊的学生我希望自己有国际视野、关心公共议题
#mattering & role identity
one’s role identity may preclude the possibility of mattering to others in a social gath- ering. 
e.g. we expect that people with whom we are supposed to have a meaningful, perhaps intimate, relationship will allow us to enact our role identity fully.  比如我认为在公开场合也应该展示出伴侣的重要性
【How to inculcate mattering】
#explicitly take notice of other ppl when they are in their presence, address them, pay attention to what they say