Three Questions

In order to experience the genuine happiness of equanimity we need to do two things: first, recognize and work with what blocks it; and second, learn to cultivate the natural roots of happiness. I have found a fairly simple and very effective way of combining these two aspects, through regularly asking myself three straightforward questions: Am I truly happy right now? What blocks happiness? Can I surrender to what is?
The first question is a way to simply recognize how we’re feeling in the present moment. Quite often, we’re not even aware that we’re unhappy: for example, our unhappiness may be subtle, as when we’re mildly impatient or irritated; or sometimes, it can be entirely hidden, as when we’re feeling comfortable and complacent. But being comfortable and content is not the same as genuine happiness, and it is very easy to let our life slip by unaware of what we’re missing. Asking this simple question is a way of recognizing our current state, and it is the necessary wake-up to what comes next.
The second question is a little more difficult to answer. It requires scanning our experience to see where we’re caught—in thoughts, emotions, or behaviors. In the beginning, we may not be clear about what we’re thinking or feeling, and it may take some practice in getting to know ourselves before we can begin to answer the question fairly quickly. It may be useful to keep a journal on hand to both explore and catalog your responses to this question.Sometimes the only answer that comes to the second question is “I don’t know.” These are the times when we can’t clearly see where or how we’re caught. In this situation, we periodically return to the second question, so that we can eventually recognize, quite specifically, what is blocking happiness. Once we see clearly where we’re stuck we can move on to the third question.
The third question is not the surrender of resignation or giving in. It’s about stopping our struggle to change our experience or to avoid it. It’s about fully entering into our experience—residing in the physical reality of the present moment. It is similar to the question used in the last chapter, “What is this moment?” When we ask this third question, it not only addresses what blocks happiness, but it also directly cultivates the quality of being present to what is, exactly as it is—a quality that naturally fosters both equanimity and appreciation, two of the essential aspects of true contentment.