In Our Darkest Moments

In our darkest moments, where there is so little compassion for ourselves, breathing into the heart is in itself an act of compassion. The very process of opening to our deep well of personal pain, opens us to the universal pain of being human. Breathing the emotion into the center of the chest undermines the seductive power of the emotion-based thoughts, and we no longer feel so trapped and alone. Even when the distress remains, we can get a taste of the healing power of the spaciousness of the heart, and this allows us to eventually come back to the basic practice of being present.
Then a strange thing happened. I was listening to a Bob Dylan song in which one of the lines was, “They say the darkest hour is right before the dawn.” Even though this is something of a cliché, a light bulb went on, and I realized the truth expressed in this line. How often had I experienced this in the past—where the darkest moments would eventually open into just the opposite. I had forgotten this, and was just trying to get through the hours of darkness without seeing what a valuable opportunity they were. It was then that I started to lie on my back, no longer looking at the clock or worrying about how much sleep I would miss, and instead just followed the breath into the center of the chest. This was a fairly new practice for me at the time, but something about it drew me in. Sometimes I could only do one breath before being pulled back into the anxiety and discouragement. But after a while, as I learned how to breathe the physical sensations of anxiety right into the chest center along with the inbreath, I was able to surrender to it.
Gradually it became clear to me that the anxiety I was experiencing in the night was the basic human fear of powerlessness, of having limited time. And as I was able to reside in it for longer and longer periods, the feelings of anxiety and disheartenment gradually transformed into a deeper understanding of what my life was actually about. Now, many years later, when I occasionally wake up in the night, I don’t mind lying awake. I simply breathe into the chest center and use it as a precious opportunity to dwell deeply in the heart. During these moments I feel a deep sense of connection; and the experience is one of genuine happiness.
When we bring awareness to our beliefs and to the physical experience in the body, that tightly held sense of “self” begins to unravel. As we breathe into the chest center and feel the emotion fully, particularly when awareness of environmental air or sounds is included as well, the layers of armoring begin to dissolve, and we can reconnect with the heart, and with a vaster sense of what life is. Although the process is mysterious, it’s clear that surrendering to our emotions in the present moment is nonetheless the direct transformative path to inner freedom and equanimity. When our barriers of protection finally come down, all that remains is happiness.