Absurd Walls

Weariness comes at the end of the acts of a mechanical life, but at the same time it inaugurates the impulse of consciousness. It awakens consciousness and provokes what follows. What follows is the gradual return into the chain or it is the definitive awakening. At the end of the awakening comes, in time, the consequence: suicide or recovery.
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Mere "anxiety," as Heidegger says, is at the source of everything.
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He belongs to time, and by the horror that
seizes him, he recognizes his worst enemy. Tomorrow, he was
longing for tomorrow, whereas everything in him ought to reject it.
That revolt of the flesh is the absurd.
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At the heart of all beauty lies something inhuman。。。 The primitive
hostility of the world rises up to face us across millennia, for a
second we cease to understand it because for centuries we have
understood in it solely the images and designs that we had attributed
to it beforehand, because henceforth we lack the power to
make use of that artifice. The world evades us because it becomes
itself again. That stage scenery masked by habit becomes again
what it is. It withdraws at a distance from us. Just as there are days
when under the familial face of a woman, we see as a stranger her
we had loved months or years ago, perhaps we shall come even to
desire what suddenly leaves us so alone. But the time has not yet
come. Just one thing: that denseness and that strangeness of the
world is the absurd.
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A man is talking on the telephone behind a glass partition; you cannot hear
him, but you see his incomprehensible dumb show: you wonder
why he is alive.
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Likewise the stranger who at certain seconds comes to meet us in a
mirror, the familiar and yet alarming brother we encounter in our
own photographs is also the absurd.
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Yet one will never be sufficiently surprised that everyone
lives as if no one “knew.” This is because in reality there is no
experience of death. Properly speaking, nothing has been
experienced but what has been lived and made conscious.
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The horror comes in reality from the mathematical aspect of the event.
No code of ethics and no effort are justifiable a priori in the face of the cruel mathematics that command our condition.
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The mind’s first step is to distinguish what is true from what is
false. 
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Aristotle: "The often ridiculed consequence of these opinions is that they destroy themselves. For by asserting that all is true we assert the truth of the contrary assertion and consequently the falsity of our own thesis (for the contrary assertion does not admit that it can be true). And if one says that all is false, that assertion is itself false. If we declare that solely the assertion opposed to ours is false or else that solely ours is not false, we are nevertheless forced to admit an infinite number of true or false judgments. For the one who expresses a true assertion proclaims simultaneously that it is true, and so on ad infinitum."
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to understand is, above all, to unify. 
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Likewise, the mind that aims to understand reality can consider itself satisfied only by reducing it to terms of thought. 
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the regular hiatus between what we fancy we know and what we really know, practical assent and simulated ignorance which allows us to live with ideas which, if we truly put them to the test, ought to upset our whole life.
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This world I can touch, and I likewise judge that it exists. There ends all my
knowledge, and the rest is construction.
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This very heart which is mine will forever remain indefinable
to me. Between the certainty I have of my existence and the
content I try to give to that assurance, the gap will never be filled.
Forever I shall be a stranger to myself. In psychology as in logic,
there are truths but no truth.
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So that science that was to teach me
everything ends up in a hypothesis, that lucidity founders in
metaphor, that uncertainty is resolved in a work of art.
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 A stranger to myself and to the world, armed solely with a thought that
negates itself as soon as it asserts, what is this condition in which I
can have peace only by refusing to know and to live, in which the
appetite for conquest bumps into walls that defy its assaults? To
will is to stir up paradoxes. Everything is ordered in such a way as
to bring into being that poisoned peace produced by
thoughtlessness, lack of heart, or fatal renunciations.
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In this unintelligible and limited universe,
man’s fate henceforth assumes its meaning. A horde of irrationals
has sprung up and surrounds him until his ultimate end.
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This world in itself is not reasonable, that is all that
can be said. But what is absurd is the confrontation of this
irrational and the wild longing for clarity whose call echoes in the
human heart.The absurd depends as much on man as on the world.
For the moment it is all that links them together. It binds them one
to the other as only hatred can weld two creatures together.
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History is a series of “successive regrets and its impotences.”
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At this point of his effort man stands face to face with the irrational. He
feels within him his longing for happiness and for reason. The
absurd is born of this confrontation between the human need and
the unreasonable silence of the world.