first

 Nothing can equal the unnoticed love of a child. It is hopeless and subservient; it is patient and passionate; it is something, which the covetous love of a grown woman, the love that is unconsciously exacting, can never be. None but lonely children can cherish such a passion. The others will squander their feelings in companionship; will dissipate them in confidential talks. They have heard and read much of love, and they know that it comes to all. They play with it like a toy; they flaunt it as a boy flaunts his first cigarette. But I had no confidant; I had been neither taught nor warned; I was inexperienced and unsuspecting. I rushed to meet my fate. Everything that stirred in me, all that happened to me, seemed to be centered upon you, upon my imaginings of you. …… You became for me-what simile can do justice to my feelings? You became for me the whole of my life. Nothing existed for me except in so far as it related to you. Nothing had meaning for me unless it bore upon you in some way. You had changed everything for me…… What a fool I was! You hardly ever looked at me again.  Yet my whole day was spent in waiting for you and watching you. There was a Judas in our front door, and through this a glimpse of your door could be had. Don't laugh at me, dear.