第281页 Chapter 26/ Concision

that is, deadwood

#Verbal profundity (pretentious diction)
  ~A worker checks the watch's time-keeping performance.--> A worker checks the watch's accuracy.

#Confusion about the subject
  ~Music is similar to dress fads in that its styles change from time to time. Perhaps the change is subtle, but no one style of music will remain on top for a very long time. I am not talking about classical music, but rather about music that appeals to the majority of young people.--> Popular music is similar to dress fad...

#Ignorance of words
  ~In this novel, part of the theme is stately directly in so many words, and part is not so much said in specific words but is more or less hinted at.--> In this novel, part of theme is explicit, and part is implicit.

#Excessive caution (be afraid to express anything as certain)
  ~It seems that Columbus discovered the New World in 1492.

#Circumlocution (using too many words to say something)
  (1) Avoid meaningless strings of verbs
  ~The current foreign situation should (serve to) start many Americans (to begin) thinking.-->...should start many Americans thinking.
  *awkward passive construction
  ~The work must be done by her by tomorrow.-->She must do the work by tomorrow.
    CAUTION: If one wished to emphasise "work", the passive would be justified.

  (2) The best modification is concise and direct
  *not using a phrase if a word will do
  ~She conducted herself in an irrational manner.-->She conducted herself irrationally.-->She acted irrationally.
  *not using a full relative clause to introduce a participle or adjective
  ~This is the same idea (that was) suggested last week.
  ~The family (who are) living in that house are my friends.
  *using one to two operative words to replace adverbial clauses
  ~(Because they lacked experience), they didn't do a good job.-->Lacking experience, they didn't do a good job.
  *using participles to replace independent clauses or separate sentences
  ~These idea are out of date, (and they don't tell us anything new).-->These ideas are out of date, telling us nothing new.
  *using participles to replace the gerunds(verb-ing)
  ~She worried about (the cooking of) the dinner.-->She worried about cooking the dinner.

  (3) Specificity means concision
  *nones
  ~(People who enter college for the first time) find it difficult to adjust to the teaching.-->College freshmen find it difficult to adjust to the teaching.
  *verbs(a form of have, seem)
  ~Officers have to (have a knowledge of) their men.-->Officers have to know their men.

  (4) Keep prepositions and conjunctions brief
  *piled-up connectives
  ~More than one game has been decided (on the basis of) a fumble.-->...decided by a fumble.
  *wordy conjunctions(equivalents for because, how, so)
  ~The bill failed (as a result of the fact that) the Senate was misinformed.-->...because the Senate was misinformed.
  ~He becomes self-conscious (to the extent) that he withdraws into himself.-->He becomes so self-conscious that he withdraws into himself.
  ~She will show us (the way in which) to do it.-->She will show us how to do it.

#Pointlessness (saying something that doesn't need to be said)
  (1) failing to credit readers' intelligence
  +don't define what is common knowledge
  +don't spell out what is clearly implied 
  *noun-adjectival combinations
  ~The store stocks many products (to be sold).--adjective
  ~Each play has a special purpose (when it is used).--adjective
  ~Most countries (of the world) have their own coinage.--adjective
  ~It has existed for a long (period of) time.--noun
  ~The punt return resulted in a fumble (situation).--none
  *verb hides implicit meanings
  ~He tends to squint (his eyes).
  ~I have been told (by various people) that smoking is sophisticated.
  *implied by the total context
  ~I dislike television. Most programs (on television) are unbelievable.
  *unneeded connective (however, therefore, furthermore)
  ~People think that stamp collecting requires money; (however,) it doesn't.--the negated verb establishes the contradiction.
  *announcement when it cannot be justified by emphasis (let me make clear, let me explain, let me tell you something)
  ~The essay that follows is about baseball. Specifically, it will deal with the business organisation of a major league team.-->Supporting every major league baseball team is a complex business organisation.
  +avoid empty redundancy(often found in headwords and modifiers)
  ~bisect (in half)
  ~modern life (of today)
  ~(sufficiently) satisfied
  ~It is (clearly) evident that

  (2) failing to focus on the subject
  +don't open up topics you will not develop
  ~The people had come to the new world for freedom (of several different kind), and had found injustice instead.
  +avoid the distinction without a difference
  ~Under the honour system, teachers do not have to stand guard during (exams, tests, and quizzes.)
  +don't overqualify
  ~Theater-in-the-round (somewhat) resembles an arena.
  ~After a square dance the people are pretty tired, but (it seems that) when they have tried it once they want more.
  ~This play (tends to be) a comedy.-->This play is a comedy.
  ~Ethan (can be said to be) a tragic hero.-->Ethan is a tragic hero.
  ~That (would be) my brother at the door.-->That is my brother at the door.