第4225页 Part III Chapter 4

“To die hating them, that was freedom”
三个改造阶段（学习、理解、接受）：这章大概就是接受阶段（acceptance）吧。
看得出来Winston的思想似乎有了“进步”，所以境遇也得到了改善：他的身体在恢复，可以经常洗澡、热水澡、新的内衣和制服外套、溃疡得到处理、装了一副假牙；三餐规律、有肉、有烟；有纸有笔；懒得思考，经常做快活的梦，一切似乎都让人心满意足——
Merely to be alone, not to be beaten or questioned, to have enough to eat, and to be clean all over, was completely satisfying.
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle 位置 4243-4244). Plume. 
Winston甚至开始健身：在牢房里做操、步行、下蹲站起、俯卧撑。
最重要的转变来自思想上，Winston开始自我再教育（re-educating）任务。向Party投降，不是在被抓到仁爱部以后，而是可以追溯到小阁楼电屏后传来指令的那一刻——
In reality, as he saw now, he had been ready to capitulate long before he had taken the decision. From the moment when he was inside the Ministry of Love—and yes, even during those minutes when he and Julia had stood helpless while the iron voice from the telescreen told them what to do—he had grasped the frivolity, the shallowness of his attempt to set himself up against the power of the Party.
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle 位置 4257-4260). Plume. 
他意识到自己在螳臂当车，Thoughtpolice其实已经盯了他七年，工作之细密，甚至连Winston有意放在日记本封面上的小灰尘，也被他们仔细替换过——
for seven years the Thought Police had watched him like a beetle under a magnifying glass. There was no physical act, no word spoken aloud, that they had not noticed, no train of thought that they had not been able to infer. Even the speck of whitish dust on the cover of his diary they had carefully replaced. They had played sound-tracks to him, shown him photographs. Some of them were photographs of Julia and himself. Yes, even...
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle 位置 4260-4263). Plume. 
Winston接受了Party的那一套思维方式——
Party was in the right. It must be so; how could the immortal, collective brain be mistaken? By what external standard could you check its judgements? Sanity was statistical. It was merely a question of learning to think as they thought.
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle 位置 4264-4265). Plume. 
思想上的疙瘩一解开，Winston开始接受以前对他看起来有困难的信念——“自由即是奴役”、“二加二等于五”、“上帝就是权力”、“大洋国一直在和东亚国打仗”、“那三个老一辈革命家证据确凿死有余辜”。想通了的感觉，就像从逆水行舟改为顺流而下——
It was like swimming against a current that swept you backwards however hard you struggled, and then suddenly deciding to turn round and go with the current instead of opposing it.
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle 位置 4276-4277). Plume. 
但并非时时都那么顺利，比如O'Brien说他能够像肥皂泡那样漂浮起来，在Winston看来就违背了自然法则（laws of Nature）。但Winston立刻又运用O'Brien教会他的思考方法“我思故我在，不思就不在”，悬崖勒马终结了这个疑问——
What knowledge have we of anything, save through our own minds? All happenings are in the mind. Whatever happens in all minds, truly happens.
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle 位置 4285-4286). Plume. 
Winston自此Get到了Crimestop（犯罪停止）技能：对于不该触及的危险问题，大脑应该本能、自动停止运转，化作一片空白——
The mind should develop a blind spot whenever a dangerous thought presented itself. The process should be automatic, instinctive.
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle 位置 4287-4288). Plume. 
Winston甚至还主动进行犯罪停止的强化训练——
He presented himself with propositions—“the Party says the earth is flat”, “the party says that ice is heavier than water”—and trained himself in not seeing or not understanding the arguments that contradicted them.
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle 位置 4290-4291). Plume. 
这项训练的难度在于它需要愚蠢和聪明的结合——
It needed great powers of reasoning and improvisation. The arithmetical problems raised, for instance, by such a statement as “two and two make five” were beyond his intellectual grasp. It needed also a sort of athleticism of mind, an ability at one moment to make the most delicate use of logic and at the next to be unconscious of the crudest logical errors. Stupidity was as necessary as intelligence, and as difficult to attain.
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle 位置 4292-4294). Plume. 
当一个thoughtcrime被改造好了以后，他的下一步就是死亡了，未经警告从脑后开枪——
The one certain thing was that death never came at an expected moment.
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle位置4299). Plume. 
Winston感觉他离肉体被消灭越来越近了，就在他沿着走廊，等着那颗不知何时从后脑勺射入的子弹时，忽然大喊起“Julia, my love!"，这暴露了他掩藏得很好的的内心——
In the old days he had hidden a heretical mind beneath an appearance of conformity. Now he had retreated a step further: in the mind he had surrendered, but he had hoped to keep the inner heart inviolate.
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle 位置 4317-4318). Plume. 
还记得Winston和Julia两人谈话（第二部第7章），谈到万一被抓以后，confession不是背叛，他们不会互相背叛的时候，Julia曾说——
“It’s the one thing they can’t do. They can make you say anything—anything—but they can’t make you believe it. They can’t get inside you.”
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle 位置 2524-2525). Plume. 
而在走廊喊出那一串内心的呼唤以后，Winston的inside被发现了，他宁肯这样“错”着死去——
He knew that he was in the wrong, but he preferred to be in the wrong.
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle 位置 4318-4319). Plume. 
这样他可以死而无憾：没有背叛Julia，Winston做到了。但O'Brien一伙——
They could not let such an outburst go unpunished.
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle位置4316). Plume. 
对Winston的改造又得推倒重来。Winston犯的错误是——
For the first time he perceived that if you want to keep a secret you must also hide it from yourself.
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle 位置 4323-4324). Plume. 
对Winston的下一步改造——
From now onwards he must not only think right; he must feel right, dream right. And all the while he must keep his hatred locked up inside him like a ball of matter which was part of himself and yet unconnected with the rest of him, a kind of cyst（囊肿）.
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle 位置 4325-4327). Plume. 
Winston是迟早要死的，但如果现在就把Winston打死，对O'Brien们将存在巨大的缺憾——
They would have blown his brain to pieces before they could reclaim it. The heretical thought would be unpunished, unrepented, out of their reach for ever. They would have blown a hole in their own perfection. To die hating them, that was freedom.
George Orwell. 1984 (Kindle 位置 4331-4333). Plume. 
带着对O'Brien们的恨而死，怎能有这样的自由？
O'Brien再（首?）次把Winston送入Room101，那里有什么在等待着他?