第87页 TWO

I have at times tried to imagine the despair which leads to suicide attempted to conjure up the slew and slop of darkness in which only death appears as a pinprick of light: in other words, the exact opposite of the normal condition of life. But in this document - which I took, on the basis of this one page, to consist of Adrian's rational arguing towards his own suicide - the writer was using light in an attempt to reach greater light. Does that make sense?
好像“不自由毋宁死”一样崇高的解释。
是一种非常共通的情感吧。就好像那一个人像是这世上最崇高的精神的体现。
page 88:
I'm sure psychologists have some where made a graph of intelligence measured against age. Not a graph of wisdom, pragmatism, organisational skill, tactical nous - those things which, over time, blur our understanding of the matter. But a graph of pure intelligence. And my guess is that it would show we most of us peak betwen the ages of sixteen and twenty-five. Adrian's fragment brought me back to how he was at that age. When we had talked and argued, it was as if setting thoughts in order was what he had been designed to do, as if using his brain was as natural as an athelete using his muscles. And just as athletes often react to victory with a curious mixture of pride, disbelief and modesty - I did this, yet how did I do this? by my self? thanks to others? or did God do it for me? - so Adrian would take you along on the journey of his thought as if he himself didn't quite believe the ease with which he was travelling. He had entered some state of grace - but one that did not exclude. He made you feel you were his co-thinker, even if you said nothing. And it was very strange for me to feel this again, this companionship with one now dead but still more intelligent, for all my extra decades of life.