第1页 Everything you can imagine is real.

Reva often spoke about “settling down.” That sounded like death to me. “I’d rather be alone than anybody’s live-in prostitute,” I said to Reva.
And when I was awake, I wasn’t fully so, but in a kind of murk, a dim state between the real and the dream.
I resented her for that, but she seemed immune to guilt and shame. 
Only the coffee made my heart work a bit harder. Caffeine was my exercise. It catalyzed my anxiety so that I could crash and sleep again.
You and me, just filling the space with nothingness.
I suppose a part of me wished that when I put my key in the door, it would magically open into a different apartment, a different life, a place so bright with joy and excitement that I’d be temporarily blinded when I first saw it. 
Reva mistook my sigh of frustration for an expulsion of buried sadness.
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“All I want is coffee from McDonald’s. That’s all I ask. I came all this way.”
“Things can always be worse,”
“When something disappears, that’s usually where it disappears—into the black holes in our eyes.”
“Gray is in for spring.”
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It’s really a matter of listening to your instincts. People would be so much more at ease if they acted on impulse rather than reason. That’s why drugs are so effective in curing mental illness—because they impair our judgment. Don’t try to think too much. I hear myself saying that a lot.
“Every act of creation is an act of destruction.—Pablo Picasso”
“We don’t forget things, OK? We just choose to ignore them. Can you accept responsibility for your memory lapse and move on?”
“I’m going to assess your personality shift. I notice today that your face is slightly off center. Has anyone pointed that out to you? Your whole face,” she held out her pen and squinted, measuring me, “is at approximately negative ten degrees. That’s counterclockwise to me, but clockwise to you when you go home and look in the mirror. A very minor slant. Really only a trained eye could pick it up. But it’s a significant deviation from when we started your treatment. So it makes sense that you’re having extra trouble sleeping now. You’re having to work that much harder just to hold your mind centered. It’s effort wasted, I’m afraid. If you let your mind drift, you’d find you can adapt quite easily to the deviated reality. But the instinct for self-correction is powerful. Oh, is it powerful. Proper medication should soften the impulse. You had no idea about your facial deviation?”
“Encouraging responsibility is not a search for scapegoats; it is a call to conscience.” What the hell did that mean?
If I’d admitted to having blackouts, she would have wanted to discuss it endlessly.
“live life to the fullest,”
“Everything you can imagine is real.—Pablo Picasso.”
She brought over a collection of large paper shopping bags from various Manhattan department stores, bags she’d obviously saved in case she had to transport something and needed a vessel that would connote her good taste and affirm that she was respectable because she’d spent money. I’d seen housekeepers and nannies do the same thing,
There she is, a human being, diving into the unknown, and she is wide awake.