Page 330 我猜这应该是直男们需要知道的基本道理

In 1999–2000, we surveyed women and men via email and held focus groups, and many of their responses were printed in this section. We did a new survey in 2015. First we share the new responses, and the original set follows. Interestingly, the new responses are quite similar to what people were saying fifteen years ago. 
Via Facebook and Twitter, May 3, 2015—“If you could speak to the heterosexual men of the world about having sex with women, what would you want them to know?”
That a woman should never be expected to have sex with someone for any reason. Not because he bought dinner, not because he wants it, not because she’s his wife. Sex is a wonderful shared experience, not an obligation.
Hopefully, how to encourage me to communicate exactly what I want, so I don’t feel the need to always just say, “You’re doing fine.”
Sex is wonderful. It’s beautiful, primal, raw, passionate, and important. But it’s not the only thing that is important. If an orgasm is all you’re looking for, that’s easy! If it’s true intimacy you want, you have to be willing to dig deeper and burn hotter than you may find initially comfortable.
Don’t rush, be patient, take direction with grace. Let her tell you how to please her and make her feel comfortable giving direction.
Show us that you’re having a good time. Make noise, writhe, shiver, pound on the floor, whatever it takes. You like it when we do it, for god’s sake, repay the favor.
If you help others get what they want, you get what you want.
That some women really don’t like BJs (blow jobs).
Spend a lot of time touching my skin— everywhere. Look in my eyes, touch my hair, smile. Ask me where I like to be kissed, licked, and nibbled, and then spend time doing that. Your finger(s)/penis/the sex toy are not jackhammers; please listen to me for the pace. Please be patient, and don’t take it personally, because sometimes my orgasm can take a while, or maybe I’m just really enjoying all the pleasurable sensations! Even if you have ED (erecive dysfunction), please, let’s be physical/sexual; I haven’t achieved an orgasm from intercourse for more than ten years!
That sex is not aaaaaalllllllllllll about your penis and the inside of my vaginal canal.
That you should go down more often, and for longer.
Intercourse is after play, not the main event.
That every woman (and man) likes different things, so communicate. You can use words or actions to communicate, so moving someone’s hand can be just as effective as saying what you want. If you have watched a lot of sex (porn), don’t expect the woman to behave like a porn star. And you don’t need to be one either.
That they must say something a day or two afterward! Ideally some kind of simple closure or planning of a second date!
Permit yourself to be vulnerable and to honor the space you and your significant other have created.
That what makes you a hotly desired lover isn’t your machismo, it is your vision. Transformational sex asks for eight to sixteen hours of intimacy. Less attitude, please, and show us that you can not only plan ahead but have the forethought to make sex an experience that neither of us will forget.
When we say we really don’t like something, please don’t continue.
That much of the time, sex is not about the sex.
I like it a little naughty and a little nice. Be playful, have fun. It’s fine to laugh, and for god’s sake, don’t imitate the pornos. It’s not about how fast or hard you can hit it. I like a slow build, moving together, sensing each other’s reactions, long, slow, deep. And, btw, some women love to give blow jobs, especially if it’s a bit of a challenge.
Hands and mouth are much more important than cock. Cock is fine, but it is not the be-all and end-all of our pleasure. We are glad to honor your pleasure.
Slow down. Learn to use your hands. Learn about my anatomy. Don’t just rub at my clit like you’re trying to sand it off. There are so many ways I like to be touched. Ask me how I like it and let me show you. Let’s see how subtle and skilled our connection can be. Let’s play. Let our sex be art we make together.
Eye contact.
That women, regardless of how long you’ve been together, have a right to protect themselves from possible sexual diseases.
And as such, when a condom is presented, know that it’s not about you and should not be seen as a sign of infidelity or that your monogamy is in jeopardy.
Physical intimacy is an extension of emotional intimacy. Lovemaking starts hours, days, even months or years before the act, and she sees all your actions as contributions to your intimacy. Become a connoisseur of your lover’s body, her heart, and her mind. Listen closely and remember the little things. Prioritize your milestones and celebrate them. Be the one to step up and make plans. Put your relationship first.
Pay attention to yourself, me, and what we are creating together. Don’t get stuck in your head. Take breaks when you need to, and remember, I am OK with your soft cock!
Sometimes we just want sex! Romance is all good, but will you just f**k us too? Don’t ever think what I want is what anyone else you’ve been with wanted. Women can be just as selfish lovers as men can, ’cause god forbid we do want/like attention. Listen to my body and see what it’s telling you, ’cause being “wet” sometimes really is just a physical reaction and doesn’t match what I’m thinking. If you can’t accept my no, you’re not getting my sex. Sex is messy— deal with it!
That all women are so different; what would be the perfect lover for one woman may annoy the next partner. Ask what she likes! Be as open to learning—as if each lover is your first.
DO NOT ASSUME. ASK!!! Each woman is completely different. Don’t guess. Be adaptive, be sensitive, use your damn words.