Sunny对《Boundaries with Teens When to Say Yes, How to Say No》的笔记(2)

Boundaries with Teens When to Say Yes, How to Say No
  • 书名: Boundaries with Teens When to Say Yes, How to Say No
  • 作者: Townsend, Dr. John
  • 第84页

    He needs to leave you while sataying connected to you. Your "being there" plays a huge role in helping him have the necessary tools and courage to safely enter adult life.

    Adults who successfully meet the demands of life have the following qualities:

    relational, not alienated.

    responsible, not immature.

    self-controlled, not impulsive.

    value-based, not peer-driven

    autonomous, not dependent

    focused, not lost.

    Please tell your teen:

    1. I love you and am on your side.

    2. I have some rules and requirements for your behavior.

    3. You can choose to respect or reject these rules.

    4. Here is what will happen if you reject these rules.

    Don't get Derailed

    - Accept Resistance as Normal

    - Do your Homework

    - Involved Your Teen in the Rules and Consequences

    - Contain, Don't Escalate, Your Teen's Reaction

    - Listen Empathically

    - Be Charm Proof

    - Beware of the Cimpliant Teen

    ------

    Home is where she feels she can be herself. Because of this, she allows herself to feel and express he more primitive and immature parts of herself when she's home. Your job is to help her mature and develop the abilities she needs to stabilize here moods by showing her acceptance and love - even while she is showing you the worst in her.

    Contain and empathize.

    Clarify

    Provide structure: the more internally instable your teen, the more external stability you need to provide.

    Mention the mood only after containing, clarifying and providng structure.

    2017-12-31 12:00:37 回应
  • 第275页
    When in doubt, try to connect with your teen.
    REemeber that your teen is probably miserable too.
    Keep the future in mind, even in the present crisis.
    Normalize "no."
    Tolerating your teen's anger.
    Go for responsibility and freedom, not control.
    Be soft on preferences and style, and hard on disrespect and self9shness.
    Be the grown-up, don't get hooked into the fights.
    Be loving but direct.
    If you are too tired, weak, or isolated, don't threaten your teen with a consequence.
    Plug into safe people who understand.
    Have a party when your teen makes a positive change.
    2017-12-31 12:04:24 回应

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