He had the most beautiful face I’d ever seen, and I wasn’t brave enough to look at it.
I wish you knew. Sometimes I fear you do.
I loved his name. It meant far, far more to me than it did to anyone else.
I should give up, but I can’t. I’m like someone who never got off a
train that traveled past the last stop.
I have to run but for you I’ll always make time.
His problems are my problems, my troubles his troubles. We share, we care.
I’m sure you knew. You’ve been with me all my life.
Our star life, yours with mine. As someone said over dinner once, each of us is given at least nine versions of our lives, some we guzzle, others we take tiny, timid sips from, and some our lips never touch.”
I am all jewels, I am all ears, I am all yours, all the way.
you’re my home, it’s you I want to grow up with, you I want to grow old with.
◎然而我的人生在很久以前的一个暑假里，就在这栋房子里， 曾始于此也停于此，房子则已不在了，十年溜走得如此之快， 这份暗恋改变了一切，但也让我毫无进展。你造成了今天的我，南尼。
And yet my life started here and stopped here one summer long ago, in this house, which no longer exists, in this decade, which slipped away so fast, with this never love that altered everything but went nowhere. You made me who I am today, Nanni.
Wherever I go, everyone I see and crave is ultimately mea sured by the glow of your light. If my life were a boat, you were the one who stepped on board, turned on its running lights, and was never heard from again. All this might as well be in my head, and in my head it stays. But I’ve lived and loved by your light alone. In a bus, on a busy street, in class, in a crowded concert hall, once or twice a year, whether for a man or a woman, my heart still jolts when I spot your look-alike.
This is love, he would have said, diffi dence is love, fear itself is love, even
the scorn you feel is love. Each of us comes by it the wrong way. Some spot it right away, others need years, and for some it comes in retrospect only.
We love only once in our lives, my father had said, sometimes too early, sometimes too late; the other times are always a touch deliberate.
On that day, without knowing the fi rst thing, I’d been let into someone’s life as surely as I’d drawn him into mine. It took years to suspect he had struggled.
“I know what clothes you wear, I know the color of every single tie you own, I know that you put on your socks after, not before, putting on your trousers, I even know that you occasionally use collar stays, that you button your shirt from the bottom up, and I know that I want to know you for the rest of my life.
what else could one say about honor and friendship and loyalty, except that time undoes them all, erases debts, forgives plunder, overlooks larceny and betrayal?
And there’s the bridge at last, vaulting the harbor under the shadow by the piers, the good, staunch, loyal bridge that understands and forgives and has always known, as I have always known, that what I really long for this eve ning is neither to be on this side of the river nor on the other bank but on the space and transit in between, the way after speaking of Russia’s White
Nights it wasn’t of nightfall or daybreak that Gabi had sung but of that fl eeting hour between dusk and daylight which we all longed for on our balcony on this undecided eve ning that wasn’t winter or summer or even just spring.
That night the dream long given up years before was, like a borrowed book, fi nally being returned after sundry roundabouts and forwarding mishaps. Without knowing it, perhaps, we’d been waiting to turn back the clock.
“ There’s a life that takes place in ordinary time,” I said, “and another that bursts in but just as suddenly fi zzles out. And then there’s the life we may never reach but that could so easily be ours if only we knew how to find it. It doesn’t necessarily happen on our planet, but is just as real as the one we live by— call it our ‘star life.’
◎ 我们相信 所居住的那条街会永远保持一样，有同样的名称。我们相信朋友永远会是朋友，对于我们所爱的人，我们也会永远爱下去。我们相信，而且凭着相信，忘了我们相信过。
We believe that the street we live on will remain the same and bear its name forever. We believe that our friends will stay our friends, and that those we love we’ll love forever. We trust and, by dint of trusting, forget we trusted.
摘自 安德烈·艾席蒙 《春日序曲》