A very important part of it

"I have something to tell you.' I told him. Andy and I haven't talked about anything seriously for a while. Maybe not that long, but it felt long for me. Well, I guess for him too.

"You remember the book I recommend but u never read, the gynae doctor's dirty joke collection? He quit his job because someone dead, on his surgery table. It's not completely his mistake but he still feels failed in a very bad way. I thought that whether we can or cannot keep doing things really hard but we have faith in after we failed, that depends on whether we can persuade ourselves that the failuer is not our fault."

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"I just finished the second book. It is about the five yrs Christmas he spent after becoming a doctor. The first 4 yrs, he spend all of them in the hospital, 'resenting'life; the last year on Christmas, he already quit and got to spend it at home with his families. His parnter asked him, but you miss the chirstmas spent in the hospital. He was like, of course not. But both of them know he does. I'm trying to say, i don't know what I thought about after the first book is right. when we fail in something, badly, and cannot persuade ourselves it's not our fault. whatever else we do, is just our way to running away or avoiding the problem. That seems easier, but the cost is also high."

"Are you going to go back?"

"Just, do u think he will go back to be a doctor again?"

"That’s not as important as you. I’m asking will you go back cuz I remember."

I didn't know how to start the conversation when I talk to him, but he knew. The friend that knows every crucial thing that I cannot tell and thus I had never told anyone.