《人间游戏》要点整理
★★★★★ 60年代作品，言简意赅，现在读起来依然深受启发。人类这种社交动物，如何在生命中获得最大的满足？每个人在每一刻都可能表现家长、成人和儿童状态，并且这三种状态可以转换。人间游戏是成年人自我保护（儿童状态）的一种方式，并让我们在社交中获得愉悦。Eric Berne的Transaction Analysis列举了我们在生活中最常见的各种游戏模式，分析其背后隐藏的真实动机（潜意识），并告诉我们，戴着面具的游戏并不是理想的状态。最终实现Autonomy的三大要素是：awareness, spontaneity and intimacy. Awareness让我们活在当下，享受此时此刻的美好。Spontaneity让我们自由选择和表达自己的感受，而不是按照预设或预期行事。Intimacy是让我们遵从内心的儿童状态，而不再用游戏掩饰自己。虽然每个人的成长过程中难免磕磕碰碰，并学会了各种适应这个社会的模式，但最终的蜕变，是拥抱自己的儿童状态，回到最初的纯真。
Introduction
Social Intercourse
Stimulus-hunger (during infancy). Most favored forms of stimuli are those provided by physical intimacy.
Sensory deprivation may call forth a transient psychosis, or at least give rise to temporary mental disturbances. Solitary confinement is one of the punishments most dreaded.
Emotional and sensory deprivation tends to bring about or encourage organic changes. If the reticular activating system of the brain stem is not sufficiently stimulated, degenerative changes in the nerve cells may follow, at least indirectly.
Infantile stimulus-hunger partially transform into recognition-hunger as people grow up and compromise.
“Stroking” is a general term for intimate physical contract that in practice may take various forms. An exchange of strokes constitutes a transaction, which is the unit of social intercourse. Any social intercourse whatever has a biological advantage over no intercourse at all.
The structuring of time
Structure-hunger. The eternal problem of human being is how to structure his waking hours. In this existential sense, the function of all social living is to lend mutual assistance for this project.
The operational aspect of time-structuring may be called programing. Three aspects: material, social and individual. Material programing offer a matrix for “stroking”, recognition and other more complex forms of social intercourse. Social programing results in traditional ritualistic or semi-ritualistic interchanges (e.g. good manners). Individual programing creeps in as people become better acquainted.
Intimacy begins when individual (usually instinctual) programing becomes more intense, and both social patterning and ulterior restrictions and motives begin to give way. It is the only completely satisfying answer to stimulus-hunger, recognition-hunger and structure-hunger.
Stimulus-hunger and recognition-hunger express the need to avoid sensory and emotional starvation (both of which lead to biological deterioration), while structure-hunger expresses the need to avoid boredom.
The advantages of social contact revolve around somatic and psychic equilibrium. Related to the following factors 1) the relief of tension, 2) the avoidance of noxious situations, 3) the procurement of stroking, and 3) the maintenance of established equilibrium. --> In terms of social psychiatry, stated as 1) the primary internal advantages, 2) the primary external advantages, 3) the secondary advantages, and 4) the existential advantages.
Analysis of games
Structural analysis
Ego states: phenomenologically described as a coherent system of feelings, and operationally as a set of coherent behavior patterns. Three categories: Parent, Adult and Child. At any given moment each individual in a social aggregation will exhibit a Parental, Adult or Child ego state, and individuals can shift with varying degrees of readiness from one ego state to another. These three states are so different and quite inconsistent with each other.
The Child is in many ways the most valuable part of the personality, and can contribute to the individual's life exactly what an actual child can contribute to family life: charm, pleasure and creativity. If the Child in the individuals is confused and unhealthy, then the consequences may be unfortunate, but something can and should be done about it.
The Parent is exhibited in two forms, direct and indirect: as an active ego state, and as an influence.
- Directly active: the person responds as his own farther (or mother) actually responded – becomes one of them;
- Indirect influence: he responds the way they wanted him to respond – adapts himself to their requirements.
Two forms of the Child: the adapted Child and the natural Child. The adapted Child is the one who modifies his behavior under the Parental influence. The natural Child in a spontaneous expression.
In the Child reside intuition, creativity and spontaneous drive and enjoyment.
The Adult is necessary for survival (processes data and computes the probabilities which are essential for dealing effectively with the outside world). The Adult also regulate the activities of the Parent and the Child, and to mediate objectively between them.
The Parent has two main functions: 1) enables the individual to act effectively as the parent of actual children, thus promoting the survival of the human race. 2) makes many responses automatic, which conserves a great deal of time and energy. #类似于斯坦诺维奇说的自发式系统（成人模式即分析式系统）
Transactional analysis
Transaction: the unit of social intercourse. Transactional stimulus, transactional response. Simple transactional analysis is concerned with diagnosing which ego state implemented the transactional stimulus/response.
Communication will proceed smoothly as long as transactions are complementary, and is broken off when a crossed transaction occurs.
Transactions may be classified as: complementary, crossed, simple or ulterior. Ulterior transactions may be subdivided into angular and duplex types. Ulterior transactions, those involving the activity of more than two ego states simultaneously (e.g. salesman tricks). A duplex ulterior transaction involves four ego states.
Procedures and Rituals
Child programming is most apt to occur in situations of privacy and intimacy, where preliminary testing has already been done.
A procedure is a series of simple complementary Adult transactions directed towards the manipulation of reality. A ritual is a stereotyped series of simple complementary transactions programmed by external social forces. Both are stereotyped. Procedures are programed by the Adult and rituals are Parentally patterned.
Pastimes
Besides structuring time and providing mutually acceptable stroking for the parties concerned, pastime serve the additional function of being social-selection processes. This sorting system, however well rationalized, is actually largely unconscious and intuitive.
Pastime form the basis for the selection of acquaintances, and may lead to friendship. It also confirm the role and stabilize position. A position is primarily manifested by the mental attitude to which it gives rise, and it is with this attitude that the individual undertakes the transactions which constitute his role.
Positions are taken and become fixed surprisingly early, from the second or even the first year to the seventh year of life – in any case long before an individual is competent or experienced enough to make such a serious commitment. Unless something or somebody intervenes, he spends the rest of his life stabilizing his position and dealing with situations that threaten it: by avoiding them, warding off certain elements or manipulating them provocatively so that they are transformed from threats into justifications.
Games
A game is an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well-defined, predictable outcome. Games are clearly differentiated from procedures, rituals, and pastimes by two chief characteristics: 1) their ulterior quality, and 2) the pay-off.
Transactional analysis is a branch of social psychiatry, and game analysis is a special aspect of transactional analysis.
Example: “If It Weren’t For you” 妻子抱怨丈夫限制了她的社交活动。但实际上，她丈夫的行为是在帮她，禁止她去做一些其实内心深处害怕去做的事情，而不让她知道真相（内心的害怕）。这也是妻子内心的“儿童”精明地选择这样一个丈夫的原因。Her married life had proved one thing to hear that she had always maintained: that all men were mean and tyrannical. Existential advantage (confirmation of a position): this game is commonly played by women who suffer from feelings of unreality, which signifies their difficulty in keeping the Adult in charge in situations of strong temptation. Internal psychological advantage: it excites her to be deprived and dominated.
Antithesis, a refusal to play or undercut the payoff, he will lapse into a state called “despair”, which is more acute than a depression and contains elements of frustration and bewilderment.
The childhood origins of a game, or its infantile prototypes, are instructive to study.
Games are quite deliberately initiated by young children. After they become fixed patterns of stimulus and response, their origins become lost in the mist of time and their ulterior nature becomes obscured by social fogs.
The rewards of game-free intimacy, which is or should be the most perfect form of human living, are so great that even precariously balanced personalities can safely and joyfully relinquish their games if an appropriate partner can be found for the better relationship.
A treasure of games
这一章列举了各种游戏以及游戏背后隐藏的动机，以下是一些我看了印象比较深刻的。
Alcoholic
Drinking itself is merely an incidental pleasure having added advantages, the procedure leading up to the real culmination, which is the hangover (obtaining forgiveness.
Kick Me (“Why does this Always Happen to Me?”)
One game element here comes from inverse pride: “My misfortunes are better than yours”
Now I’ve Got you, You son of a Bitch
比如发现一个水管工，明明说好不会有额外收费，在最后出账单的时候还是稍微加了一点额外的零部件费用。然后就可以揪住这一点大肆指责这位水管工的人品问题 – exploiting his trivial but socially defensible objection (position) to vent the pent-up furies of many years on his cozening opponent. Secretly he was delighted that he had been at the plumber’s provocation. Ever since early childhood he had looked for similar injustices, received them with delight and exploited them with the same vigor. The plumber, apparently, was playing some variation of “What Does this Always Happen to Me?”
See What You Made Me Do
比如在专心画画的时候家人来问了一句话，导致画笔掉了，于是对这个家人的打扰大发脾气。Of course it is not the intruder but his own irritation which “causes” the slip, but he is only too happy when it occurs, since it gives him a lever for ejecting the visitor. The anti-thesis is to leave the player alone, he may react by feeling forlorn, but seldom angry.
Harried
比如一个妻子事事操心给自己越来越多的任务，直到最后崩溃。In effect, she marries his (husband) fantasy of his mother as perpetuated in his Parent, which is similar to her fantasy of her mother or grandmother.
Look How Hard I’ve Tried
一个人胃溃疡以后告诉自己的家人朋友，并继续工作。或者隐藏这一事实，并继续工作，直到在工作中倒下，让家人（妻子）心怀愧疚。Deep down she is likely to be resentful because he is using unfair leverage against her, and has also taken unfair advantage of her by keeping his illness a secret. A diamond bracelet is a much more honest instrument of courtship than a perforated stomach - she has the option of throwing the jewelry back at him, but she cannot decently walk out on the ulcer. A sudden confrontation with a serious illness is more likely to make her feel trapped than won over… What is recovered is the secret gloating of hi Child at learning that he has such a weapon. Existential: I am helpless (blameless).
Schlemiel
比如某人在派对上搞破坏，主人虽然生气但试图有礼貌相待，此人然后道歉获得原谅后变本加厉，主人继续保持宽容并为自己的宽容感到高兴。The real payoff in this game, is not the pleasure of destructiveness (merely an added bonus), but the fact that he obtains forgiveness. Antithesis: The host switches from being a forgiving Parent to being an objective Adult who takes the full responsibility for having invited White in the first place. Note one plays anti-“Schlemiel” runs the risk of immediate reprisals or of making an enemy. Existential: I am blameless.
Why Don’t You – Yes But
比如某人抱怨某个问题，对方就试着提出各种解决方案，但都被一一回绝了，说没用。White presents herself as a Child inadequate to meet the situation, whereupon the others become transformed into sage Parents anxious to dispense their wisdom for her benefit. The game can proceed because at social level both stimulus and response are Adult to Adult, and at the psychological level they are also complementary, with Parent to Child stimulus (“Why Don’t you…”) eliciting Child to Parent response (“Yes, but…”). The psychological level is usually unconscious on both sides… If someone does happen to come up with an original suggestion, White will accept it gratefully if she is playing fair; that is, her “inadequate” Child will give way if anyone present has an idea ingenious enough to stimulate her Adult. But habitual players seldom play fair… the purpose of the game is not to get suggestions, but to reject them.
When they are playing the game, their object is to demonstrate that no one can give them an acceptable suggestion – that is, they will never surrender… this game is common among people who have a fear of blushing. While each move is amusing, to White, and brings its own little pleasure in rejecting the suggestion, the real payoff is the silence of masked silence which ensues when all the others have racked their brains and grown tired of trying to think of acceptable solutions. This signifies to White and to them that she has won by demonstrating it is they who are inadequate.
The clinical antithesis to this is not to play “I’m Only Trying to Help You”. If the opening if of the form: “What do you do if…”, a suggested response is: “That is a difficult problem. What are you going to do about it?” If it is of the form: “X didn’t work out properly”, the response then should be “That is too bad.” Both of these are polite enough to leave White at a loss, or at least to elicit a crossed transaction, so that his frustration becomes manifest and can then be explored. In a therapy group it is good practice for susceptible patients to refrain from playing “I’m Only Trying to Help You” when invited.
Note if it is an attempt to exploit professional knowledge, antithetical move may be required but this arouses resentment because of the exposure of White’s Child. The best policy is to flee from the opening move and look for a stimulating game of first-degree “Rapo”.
Existential: Everybody wants to dominate me.
The Stocking Game
she fails to understand what happens to her in life because her judgment of human nature is too cynical. The aim is to prove that other people have lascivious minds, and her Adult is conned by her Child and her Parent (usually a lascivious mother) into ignoring both her own provocativeness and the good sense of many of the people she meets. Thus the game tends to be self-destructive.
Beyond games
The significance of games
Games are passed on from generation to generation… breaking this chain which involves five or more generations may have geometrically progressive effects.
Games are sandwiched, between pastimes and intimacy… In order to get away from the ennui of pastimes without exposing themselves to the dangers of intimacy, most people compromise for games when they are available, and these fill the major part of the more interesting hours of social intercourse. That is the social significance of games. 这些游戏是成年人自我保护（儿童状态）的一种方式，同时在社交中获得愉悦。
The Players
Many games are played most intensely by disturbed people… In everyday life games are played with the greatest conviction by two classes of individuals: the Sulks, and the Jerks or the Squares.
The Sulk is a man who is angry at his mother (since early childhood, likely due to desertion), leading him to be sulking ever since and he does not like women. Since sulking is deliberate at its inception, the decision to sulk can be reversed at any period of life, just as it can be during childhood when it comes time for dinner… He must be able to save face, and he must be offered something worthwhile in exchange for the privilege of sulking. 可逆转是关键。
A Jerk is someone who is overly sensitive to Parental influences. Hence his Adult data processing and his Child’s spontaneity are likely to be interfered with at critical moments, resulting in inappropriate or clumsy behavior.
Autonomy
The attainment of autonomy is manifested by the release of recovery of three capacities: awareness, spontaneity and intimacy.
Awareness means the capacity to see a coffeepot and hear the birds sing in one’s own way, and not the way one was taught. Physiologically awareness is eidetic perception, allied to eidetic imaginary. Awareness requires living in the here and now, and not in the elsewhere, the past or the future.
A man whose chief preoccupation is being on time is the one who is furthest out. This is the Jerk, whose chief concern is how it will look to the boss. The compliant Child is in command, and his game is “Look How Hard I’ve Tried” (I’m blameless). 在完成任务的压力下，我们不自觉地变成了想要避免责罚的乖孩子，变得焦虑不堪，而忽略了当下的美好。
The Sulk, on the other hand, is not much concerned with arriving on time as in collecting excuses for being late… those reasons fits well into his scheme and are secretly welcomed as contributions to his rebellious Child or righteous Parent game of “Look What They Made Me Do” (vindication). His body is in his car, but his mind out searching for blemishes and injustices. 又或者我们急于为自己找各种借口推脱。
To hurry is to neglect that environment and to be conscious only of something that is still out of sight down the road, or mere obstacles, or solely of oneself.
Spontaneity means option, the freedom to choose and express one’s feelings from the assortment available (Parent feelings, Adult feelings and Child feelings). It means liberation from the compulsion to play games and have only the feelings one was taught to have.
Intimacy means spontaneous, game-free candidness of an aware person, the liberation of the eidetically perceptive, uncorrupted Child in all its naivete living in the here and now… Because intimacy is essentially a function of the natural Child (although expressed in a matrix of psychological and social complications), it tends to turn out well if not disturbed by the intervention of games.
The Attainment of Autonomy
Individual starts off in an autonomous state, capable of awareness, spontaneity and intimacy, and he has some discretion as to which parts of his parents’ teachings he will accept. At certain specific moments early in life he decides how he is going to adapt to them. It is because his adaptation is in the nature of a series of decisions that it can be undone, since decisions are reversible under favorable circumstances… there is a continual battle against sinking back into the old days… In essence, this whole preparation consists of obtaining a friendly divorce from one’s own parents (and from other Parental influences) so that they may be agreeably visited on occasion, but are no longer dominant.
After Games, What?
There is something which transcends all classifications of behavior, and that is awareness; something which rises above the programming of the past, and that is spontaneity; and something that is more rewarding than games, and that is intimacy.
