Because some of those people know many, many more people than the rest of us.
这本书可以归结为卡内基How to win friends and influence people的升级版，理念几乎相同，境界却更高。
说实话，以前自己对美国self-help类的成功学书从来没有好感，觉得都是其功利民族特性下催生出的金钱至上浅薄干瘪的小伎俩。然而近年来，我发现美国也慢慢涌现出了一批同样以人们谋福祉为目的，但充满灵气的指导性书籍，Stephen的7 habit算是第一本，现在这本never eat alone同样达到这样的境界。
但为什么我总是觉得有一种 “动机不纯” 的感觉？特别是当交朋友这种事情，都被诡秘地隐藏了某种目的，辅之以各种看似贴心的手段，越发让人觉得无法亲近。
Never eat alone把卡内基的理念进一步升华，也回答了我一直困惑的问题。
It's a way of living. I started to realize that connecting was actually a way of seeing the world.
总之，我们都要度过各自的人生，而所谓人生，本质上就是我们在这一生中跟哪些人共同度过。(In the end, we all live one life. And that life is all about the people we live it with.)
Welcome to the Connected Age.
.Poverty, I realized, wasn't only a lack of financial resources; it was isolation from the kind of people that could help you make more of yourself.
There is no such thing as a "self-made" man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for
us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into
the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our
You gain trust by asking not what people can
do for you, to paraphrase an earlier Kennedy, but what you can do
for others.In other words, the currency of real networking is not greed but generosity.
Right now, there are countless ways you can begin to create the kind of community that can help further your career. You can: (1)create a company-approved project that will force you to learnnew skills and introduce you to new people within your company;(2) take on leadership positions in the hobbies and outside organizations that interest you; (3) join your local alumni club and spend time with people who are doing the jobs you'd like to be doing; (4) enroll in a class at a community college on a subject
that relates to either the job you're doing now or a job you see
yourself doing in the future
5.你去请求人家帮助，最坏的结果，只不过是NO。那你还怕什么？Every time I start to set limits to what I can and can't do, or fear
starts to creep into my thinking, I remember that Big Wheel tricycle.
I remind myself how people with a low tolerance for risk,
whose behavior is guided by fear, have a low propensity for success.The memories of those days have stuck with me. My father
taught me that the worst anyone can say is no. If they choose not
to give their time or their help, it's their loss.
Nothing in my life has created opportunity like a willingness
to ask, whatever the situation
6.冒险，则卓越。The choice isn't between success and failure; it's between choosing risk and striving for greatness, or risking nothing and being certain of mediocrity
Have something to say, and say it with passion. Make sure you
have something to offer when you speak, and offer it with sincerity.
Remember, if you're organized, focused, and a stickler for taking
names, there's no one that's out of reach.
Shared interests are the basic building blocks of any relationshipIt is what you do together that matters, not how often you
meet. That's why you have to pay special attention to where you're
most comfortable and what activities you most enjoy.
Usually it's the events and activities you excel at that you're
most passionate about.
Of course, we all need to schedule the appropriate time
with friends and family as well, or just to read or relax. While
enriching your life to include others whenever and wherever you
104 Never Eat Alone
can, make sure you're not neglecting the key relationships in
When your day is fueled by passion, filled with interesting
people to share it with, reaching out will seem less like a challenge
or a chore and more like an effortless consequence of the way
Do you want to stand out from the crowd? Then you'll be
miles ahead by following up better and smarter than the hordes
scrambling for the person's attention. The fact is, most people
don't follow up very well, if at all. Good follow-up alone elevates
you above 95 percent of your peers. The follow-up is the hammer
and nails of your networking tool kit.
In fact, FOLLOW-UP IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS IN ANY
.Make follow-up a habit. Make it automatic. When you do,
the days of struggling to remember people's names—and of other
people struggling to remember yours—will be a thing of the
But there may be no better place to extend your professional
network and, on occasion, get deals done
Listen. Better Yet, Speak.Calm yourself. First, you should know that giving speeches is
one of the easiest and most effective ways to get yourself, your
business, and your ideas seen, heard of, and remembered,
.Be an Information Hub
Once you've created an opportunity to meet new people,
establish yourself as an "information hub"—a key role of any
Breaks Are No Time to Take a Break
Breaks are where the real work happens at a conference.
Make sure and stake out the right place.
.weak ties" are generally more important
than those you consider strong.
Your weak ties, on the other hand, generally occupy a very different
world than you do. They're hanging out with different people,
often in different worlds, with access to a whole inventory of
knowledge and information unavailable to you and your close
Hunt out people who look and act and
sound nothing like you do. Seek out ideas from people you don't
ordinarily talk to who inhabit professional worlds you don't ordinarily
travel in.In one word: Connect. In four better words: Connect with the
The most efficient way to enlarge and tap the full potential of
your circle of friends is, quite simply, to connect your circle
with someone else's.
.If you are sharing someone else's circle of friends, be sure that
you adequately acknowledge the person who ushered you into
this new world, and do so in all the subsequent connections that
they helped foster.
Never forget the person who brought you to the dance.
As Harrell's study confirmed, the more successfully you use
language, the faster you can get ahead in life.
So what should your objective be in making small talk? Good
question. The goal is simple: Start a conversation, keep it going,
create a bond, and leave with the other person thinking
When it comes to making an impression, differentiation is the
name of the game. Confound expectation. Shake it up. How?
There's one guaranteed way to stand out in the professional world:
"What's Your Mission?" the
answer to "What do you really want?" determines all that you do
and all the people who help you accomplish it. It provides the
blueprint for all your efforts to reach out and connect with others.
Likewise, when you understand someone else's mission, you hold
the key to opening the door to what matters most to them. Knowing
that will help you create deep, long-lasting bonds.
Connecting is a philosophy of life, a worldview. Its guiding principleis that people, all people, every person you meet, is an opportunity
to help and be helped
This is far from a trivial question. Business is, after all, the ability
to motivate a group of individuals to move an idea from concept
to reality; to take a theory and make it a practice; to gain the
buy-in of your employees and colleagues; to encourage others to
execute your plans
The only way to get people to do anything is to recognize their
importance and thereby make them feel important. Every person's
deepest lifelong desire is to be significant and to be recognized.
What better way is there to show appreciation and to lavish
praise on others than to take an interest in who they are and what
their mission is?
When you help someone through a health issue, positively
impact someone's personal wealth, or take a sincere interest in
their children, you engender life-bonding loyalty.
.I'm constantly introducing two people from different
parts of my life who might benefit from knowing each
other. It's a sort of ongoing puzzle, matching up the right people
and the right opportunities. Once you, too, start to see the world
this way, it opens up exciting opportunities. It's both rewarding
To paraphrase Dale Carnegie: You can be more successful in
two months by becoming really interested in other people's success
than you can in two years trying to get other people interested
in your own success
.And writing articles can be a great boost for
your career. It provides instant credibility and visibility. It can
become a key arrow in your self-marketing quiver, creating relationships
with highly respected people and helping you develop a
skill that's always in high demand.
Why is it that we're so taken with the lives of big achievers? If
we measure our accomplishments against the accomplishments of
others, it stands to reason that the more accomplished the people
we associate with, the greater our aspirations become.
People who fit our conventional notions of fame and celebrity
often have qualities or skills that we admire. Many of these people
have achieved great things through risk, passion, focus, hard
work, and positive attitudes. And so many of them have overcome
.Most important, I learned that arrogance is a disease that can
betray you into forgetting your real friends and why they're so
important. Even with the best of intentions, too much hubris will
stir up other people's ire and their desire to put you in your place.
So remember, in your hike up the mountain, be humble. Help
others up the mountain along with and before you. Never let the
prospect of a more powerful or famous acquaintance make you
lose sight of the fact that the most valuable connections you have
are those you've already made at all levels. I reach back into my
past regularly to touch base with the folks who have meant so
much to me since I was a kid. I go out of my way to tell the early
mentors what they meant to me and how much they were responsible
for my success today
.It's a way of living. Several years ago, I started
to realize that connecting was actually a way of seeing the world.
.In the end, we all live one life. And that life is all about the
people we live it with.
if a person did what he or she loved, it would feel as if they never worked a day in their life. If your life is filled with people you care about and who care for you,
why concern yourself with "balancing" anything at all?