Someone said it was romanticizing affairs.
But what is an affair? What is cheating? Is it an act or is it just an idea? The reason we repulse it so much when we talk about cheating, to me, is essentially about the sense of betrayal, of being deceived. We hate it when we are in the blind. Maybe that’s why I still resist the idea of talking to my father.
But I’ve been thinking, even before my parents’ divorce, when I heard some rumors about my father, which I’m pretty sure had some truth in it, that if this is just the path of life. This primitive desire of wanting someone else, someone new.
I like the idea of desiring someone with all my body and soul. When I look at you, I see not only you, but the image of you being desired by me. This idea of you in my head. Is that really you? I don’t care, as long as I desire it. And the thing with desire is, it fades away. Like relationships, they either change a tune or come to an end. But I’d like to desire someone without the fear of losing. I’d like that very much.
And that’s why I love Paolo, when he desires, he gives everything he’s got. Especially with Nanni and Manfred. He’s sensitive, he reads too much into things, he likes to say things with way too many implications. I can see why some people hate that. That’s the problem with us, at least I think that’s where the problem lies, is that we are lazy nowadays. We have the internet, we live in our smartphones, we don’t take time to think anymore. We don’t have time to figure someone else out. We “budget” our time, I guess. We don’t connect with the people around us. We live in somewhere else.
Somewhere else is good, it’d be good to find someone to live with in somewhere else.
But me? I prefer someone who lives here, with me.
And desire me like I desire them.
(Question is, though I don't really give a fuck about the answer, that I like the chapters with Nanni and Manfred more than the others, does it make me gay or straight? I mean, the subjects of desire are men, but the stories are between two men after all?)