小人物读小人物
最近读完的一本书是理查德·耶茨的<Liars in Love>(《恋爱中的骗子》)。这是一本囊括了7篇短篇小说的书，关于一群小人物，或准更准确地说，是关于一群loser们。
7个故事虽具体情节不一样，但是结构和走向非常的相似，都是一个从一个平凡人的平淡生活说起，然后他/她的宁静生活出现了火花，或许是一个人的出现，或许是一个人的离开，或许是一个机遇或梦想的出现。即便是平凡人，也是不愿意就这么眼睁睁地望着火花消失的，于是便孤注一掷，试图改变什么，然而最终火花注定会消失，生活也注定会回归乏味的原样。一个又一个令人唏嘘的故事，配上耶茨细腻而冷静的笔触，让人无力地会去体恤故事中的主角们，然后最终会去怜惜自己、为自己悲哀，因为我们会猛然发现，我们自己也就像书中的人物一般，一遍又一遍徒劳地挣扎于平庸和苦闷之中，然后一次又一次跌落于这个惨淡的世界。
这本书非常符合我一如既往对于美国作家的印象。我看书很少，看的美国作家的书就更少了，总是喜欢不起来。因为读得少，所以我也没资格评头论足，但就我读过的几本美国作家的书来看，我是觉得他们身上的包袱太轻，他们的格局太小，因此总在纠结一些小人物的事。需要澄清一下的是，这并不是一个负面评价。小人物的事也是事，也是一个又一个如我们一样平凡者生活的姿态，但是读着他们的故事的时候，我总会总不由自主地想起自己，有时候便会觉得无限悲哀。我自己常常玩一个几乎没跟人提起过的游戏，那就是跳出自己用第三者人称的姿势来讲述和审视自己，比如用第三者视角来讲述我现在的的状态就是：“Anón现在正歪坐在椅子上翘着二郎腿挤牙膏写文章，她不是无话可写，而是心里有太多没想明白的东西、有太多基本想明白了却不知从何说起的东西”。人在主观想自己、想事情的时候很容易陷在一种近乎偏执的情绪里，将不足道也的事情无限地放大，这时候用这种平淡无奇的语气和第三人称去审视自己的时候，人就会突然意识到其实很多东西都没有自己原本想象的那么重要，很多事情都可以慢慢被想通，慢慢被放下，最后慢慢被遗忘。
以下是几个精彩片段和我的碎碎念：
0. 以小孩子的视角去写和父亲拥抱时的感觉：
“One at a time we would be swept up and pressed hard into the smells of linen and whiskey and tobacco; the warm rasp of his jaw would graze one cheek and there would be a quick moist kiss near the ear; then he’d let us go.”
这种嗅觉(the smells of linen and whiskey and tobacco)和触觉(a quick moist kiss near the ear)描写得真是太美好了，一直觉得耶茨应该去写电影剧本，虽然好像电影并不能给人带来嗅觉和触觉，好可惜。
1. 听，纽约的声音：
“I don’t mean just the loud noises,” she said, “like the siren going by just now, or those car doors slamming, or all the laughing and shouting down the street; that’s just close-up stuff. I’m talking about something else. Because you see there are millions and millions of people in New York—more people than you can possibly imagine, ever—and most of them are doing something that makes sound. Maybe talking, or playing the radio, maybe closing doors, maybe putting their forks down on their plates if they’re having dinner, or dropping their shoes if they’re going to bed—and because there are so many of them, all those little sounds add up and come together in a kind of hum. But it’s so faint—so very, very faint—that you can’t hear it unless you listen very carefully for a long time.When you hear it, you’re hearing the whole city of New York.”
在旧金山的夜晚读到这段话，突然突然很想纽约呢。
2. 以小孩子的视角去写哭：
"I had discovered, or rediscovered, that crying is a pleasure—that it can be a pleasure beyond all reckoning if your head is pressed in your mother’s waist and her hands are on your back, and if she happens to be wearing clean clothes.”
这么想想，确实真的好美好啊。
3. “There’s no more why to not loving than there is to loving.”
正如爱不需要理由，不爱也不该需要理由吧。
4. “He might eventually have to find a way of telling her he hadn’t really meant to say he loved her too, but all that could wait. There was no hurry, and the season was spring.”
不急不急，才春天。
5.“Because I mean we have our whole lives,” she said, “isn’t that right? Take you: you’ll be going home soon and going to college and there’ll be girls coming in and out of your life for years; then eventually you’ll fall in love with someone, and isn’t that what makes the world go around?”
这不就是我们的生活嘛。
