I tell, therefore you are.
I drank up the words as they flooded into my ears. Voraciously as if they would disappeared the next minute. Having watched the tv series beforehand helped a lot with my understanding or else I would be extremely puzzled by the absurd but bone chilling scenes in the text. I can’t say it’s a pleasure to read or watch because it does leaves you with endless depression, but it is still the kind that after you had seen it that you would leave a high ranking on rotten tomato or 豆瓣; pain with pleasure.
The last day of reading/listening to this book was particularly memorable. I had a completely errand free day and I had the luxury of being in the emptiness that OFFERED is constantly in. When she described (something like it)“I was staring at the ceiling and thinking of thousands of thing I could see,” coincidently I was lying on my bed staring at my ceiling. I realized that i haven’t paid much attention to my ceiling since my childhood. I’ve always take it for granted, a ceiling is just a ceiling, what else could it be. I never thought of my chandelier to be a object that I could use to end my life nor have I thought of someone could remove it for that particular reason. Maybe because other alternatives comes so easily, scissors or knifes aren’t locked up not even from children, we just simply warn them and trust their judgement when they are older. It had never occurred to me that it is a luxury (to OFFRED and everyone) to be trusted with their own life.
The images of GILIAD escape my mind slower during the course of book unlike the tv series which actually showed me the images. Maybe it’s because I actually have words to describe them now. Perhaps it is bad, it steals happiness or the joy from a person. (I hadn’t laughed for an entire day) but who knows
And so I step up, into the darkness within, or else the light.