萨拉·凯恩戏剧集

如果我能摆脱你而不失去你 爱在本质上渴望着未来 当你意识到你无能为力的时候 正是你最坚强的时刻 我在寻找一个无需爬行、逃避和叮咬的时空 我想睡在你身边为你购物为你拎包并告诉你我是何等喜欢和你在一起但他们总让我做蠢事而我要玩捉迷藏把我的衣服给你告诉你我喜欢你的鞋坐在门阶上你在洗澡按摩你的脖子吻你的脚握着你的手去外面吃饭不计较你吃了我的饭菜同你在鲁迪酒吧相见白日闲聊为你打信件嘲笑你的多疑症给你听你不听的磁带看好电影看烂片子抱怨广播节目你睡着时给你拍照起床给你拿咖啡面包酥饼半夜去弗洛伦特喝咖啡让你偷去我的香烟却永远找不到一根火柴告诉你昨夜看的电视节目带你去眼科医院你说的笑话我不笑我早上要你但让你睡一阵子吻你的背抚摸你的肌肤告诉你我是多么爱你的眼睛爱你的嘴唇你的脖子你的乳房你的屁股坐在门阶上抽烟直到你的邻居回家坐在门阶上抽烟直到你回家当你来晚时担忧当你来早时快乐给你向日葵参加你的晚会跳舞直到我两眼发黑做了错事我后悔你原谅我时我快乐看着你的照片希望我永远与你相知听到你的声音在我耳中感到你肌肤贴着我肌肤你生气了我害怕你的一只眼睛发红一只眼睛发蓝你的头发左边倒你的脸蛋亮光光告诉你你真可爱你焦虑时拥抱你你受伤时支撑你闻到你时我就想要你在你身边时我哭诉不在你身边时我抱怨口水滴在你胸口夜里吻得你窒息你卷了毯子我着凉你不卷毯子我嫌热你微笑时我柔情你大笑时我动情不理解你为何以为我拒绝当我并未拒绝你不明白你如何会认为我曾经拒绝你不清楚你是谁但仍然接受你还告诉你那被树妖迷惑的林中男孩他从大洋彼岸飞来因为他爱你为你写诗不明白你为何会不相信我情深至极我无法言表想给你买只小猫但我会嫉妒因为它会得到比我更多的关注当你该走时让你留在床上当你最后离去时哭得像个婴儿戒了大麻烟给你买礼物你不要再把它们拿走求你嫁给我你又不答应但我继续求因为你以为我不珍惜而我从第一次向你求婚就始终不渝在城里游荡觉得没有你城是空的我要你所要的以为我迷失了自己但发觉我与你安然无恙告诉你我的最坏尽力给你我的最好因为这是你应得的回答你提问当我不情愿时告知你实情当我要隐瞒时尽量地诚实因为你喜欢以为全完了但又多坚持了整整十分钟直到你把我抛出你的生活忘了我是谁拼命接近你因为学着了解你是美的这份努力十分值得对你说蹩脚的德语对你说更差的希伯来语早晨三点同你做爱不知怎么不知怎么不知怎么交流某些我对你的势不可挡的永恒的无法忍受的无条件的全包围的滋润心田的拓展心智的永不停歇的绝无止境的爱。 （And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy's and talk about the day and type your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don't listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you're sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the the programme I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you're late and be amazed when you're early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I'm black and be sorry when I'm wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I'd known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you're angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you're gorgeous and hug you when you're anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I'm next to you and whimper when I'm not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don't and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I'm rejecting you when I'm not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I'd ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don't believe me and have a feeling so deep I can't find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I'd get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don't want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don't mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it's empty without you and want want you want and think I'm losing myself but know I'm safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don't deserve any less and answer your questions when I'd rather not and tell you the truth when I really dont' want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it's all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it's a beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you.) 你总是那么可爱 而你到来时特别可爱 就是这有着绝望眼睛的女人我愿意为她献出生命 在我有机会崇拜你的一切之前很久 我崇拜我见到你的点点滴滴 只有爱能救我而爱已经毁了我 我正要搭乘一架班机。一个巫师断言我将赶不上这次航班但我的情人赶得上。飞机将坠毁而他将死于空难。我不知如何是好。如果我错过航班我将应验了他的预言并置我情人之死于不顾。但若要破其预言我就得登上这架似乎命中注定要坠毁的班机。 而我颤抖着，呜咽着思念起她，她爱我的时光，在我折磨她之前，在我忘却她之前，在我俩发生误会之前，真真切切从我见到她的最初那刻起，她微笑的双眼充满阳光，而就从我被旋流吞噬的那时起我为那一刻悲伤地战栗。 别对我说不你没法对我说不因为找回爱是那么令人宽慰在床上被紧搂着被摸着被吻着被疼着你的心会跳跃当你听到我声音看到我的微笑感到你的脖子上我的气息你的心会奔跑当我要见你从第一天起我就骗你利用你操你让你心碎因为你先碎了我的心你会一天比一天更爱我直到你无法承受而你的生命就归了我你会独自死去因为我将拿着我要的一切走人不欠你一分一毫事情就是这样事情一直这样你无法拒绝生活你恨那见鬼的生活那见鬼的生活我现在失去了你 (Don't say no to me you can't say no to me because it's such a relief to have love again and to lie in bed and be held and touched and kissed and adored and your heart will leap when you hear my voice and see my smile and feel my breath on your neck and your heart will race when I want to see you and I will lie to you from day one and use you and screw you and break your heart because you broke mine first and you will love me more each day until the weight is unbearable and your life is mine and you'll die alone because I will take what I want then walk away and owe you nothing it's always there it's always been there and you cannot deny the life you feel fuck that life fuck that life fuck that life I have lost you now) 她不再继续以一天天的闹剧来熬过随后的数小时以图逃避她不知该如何捱过随后四十年的现实。 她对自己恶心透了就希望希望希望能发生什么使生命苏醒。 我痛恨这些使我苟活的言词 我痛恨这些不让我好死的话语 恐惧在城市的上空滚动 空缺沉睡在夜里的楼群间 路旁停车带的车辆之间 日与夜之间 让我出生的那天死去 让夜的黑暗令它恐惧 让它黎明的星星黯淡 愿它看不到清晨的眼睑 谁让它不关闭我母亲子宫的门 你是我的医生，我的救星，我全能的法官，我的神父，我的上帝，我的灵魂的手术医生，我是你皈依信仰而心智清醒的教徒 我需要真正的生活，真正的爱，那在日光下扎根并蓬勃生长的 记住光明并坚信光明 这清澈的瞬间后永恒的黑夜 没多久 我在那儿没多久 但喝着苦味的黑咖啡在一团古烟草的烟雾中我闻到了药味而在那依然令人伤心之处我的心弦被触动两年前的一个伤口被撕开犹如一具尸体那埋藏已久的耻辱吼出它腐臭的哀痛 这医生那医生和那刚刚走过的什么医生料想他也会进来说风凉话 在沮丧的热道里煎熬 我屈辱至极当我莫名地颤抖并结结巴巴时关于我的“病”我无话可说不管如何无非就是知道一切都无意义因为我将要去死我被那流畅的精神理疗的话语僵住它告诉我一个客观现实的存在那即是我的肉体与灵魂是一体的 但我不在也从未在过 这医生做着记录而那医生试图发出同情的私语 注视着我 打量着我 闻着由我皮肤里冒出的致命的衰竭 我的绝望撕裂着把人耗尽的恐慌淹没了我当我惊恐至极地环顾世界不明白为何所有人在私下都知晓我痛彻心肺的耻辱却微笑着注视着我 一切都无法销蚀我的愤怒 一切也无法重建我的信念 这不是一个我希望生活的世界 有时候我环顾四周捕捉你的气息而我无法忍受我真的无法忍受不说出我对你的可怕的如此难抑的肉欲煎熬与渴求 我无法相信我对你的这种情感而你却毫无感觉 你毫无感觉吗 我清晨六时出门踏上寻找你的路 若在梦中我在某街某吧某站觅见你的踪迹我就去那儿 我在那儿等你 我在一生中从未困惑过给予别人其所亟需 但从未有人能这样待我 没人碰我 没人走近我 而今你已触到我如此要命让我无法相信的深处而我不能那样待你 因为我无处寻觅你 我深惧失去我从未触摸过的她 爱情将我锢作泪水笼中的奴隶 我咬断舌头以便永远无法向她诉说 我错过一位从未出生的女子 岁岁年年我吻着一位女子却永远无法相见 我的思绪带着一丝迷人的微笑漫步而去 留下不和谐的焦虑 在我灵魂中嚎泣 十年后她将依然死亡 它伴随着我的生活 让我面对着它 当有些日子过去当我不再想它 她将依然死亡 当我成为一个住在街头的忘了自己姓名的老妇 她将依然死亡 我毒死了犹太人 我杀死了库尔德人 我轰炸了阿拉伯人 我奸污儿童任随他们求饶 杀戮场是我的 有我在所有人都离去 我要把你他妈的眼珠吸出来装在盒里送给你妈当我死去时我要转世成为你的孩子五十倍的邪恶和他妈的疯狂我要让你活得像个他妈的活地狱我拒绝我拒绝我拒绝别看我 我愤怒是因为我理解 不是因为我不理解 为实现目标与抱负 为克服障碍以达到高的标准 为成功施展才华而增强自信 为战胜敌手 为控制与影响他人 为保护自身 为捍卫我的心理空间 为证明自我 为引起关注 为得到注视与聆听 为激动 惊诧 迷恋 震惊 困惑 娱乐 款待与诱惑他人 为免受社会制约 为抵抗专制和压迫 为独立于随心所欲 为挑战清规戒律 为避免痛苦 为避免羞愧 为雪旧耻而继续行动 为维护自尊 为克服恐惧 为摆脱虚弱 为归属感 为被接受 为与别人亲近与礼尚往来 为友好交谈 讲故事 交换情感想法隐秘 为沟通 为交流 为大笑与开玩笑 为赢得心上人的爱慕 为与那钟爱之人的肉欲之欢 为供养 帮助 保护 安抚 慰藉 支持 喂育或治愈 为与那人建立快乐长久合作和互助的平等关系 为被宽恕 为被爱 为自由 “我一直爱你 即使当我恨你时”

地狱没有那么简单，所以我得爱你

读《摧毁》的时候，眼见着R18丝滑过渡到R18G，平滑自然到让人确信世界本身就是污糟糟一锅粥。