我这一辈子就是个骗子。我没夸张。一直以来我做的几乎每一件事都是想方设法在其他人眼里营造出对我的某种印象。也就是说要讨人喜欢或受人欣赏。说是这样说，但也许还是有那么点复杂。但说的直白点，这样肯定会受人喜欢，被人爱戴。
My whole life I’ve been a fraud. I’m not exaggerating. Pretty much all I’ve ever done all the time is try to create a certain impression of me in other people. Mostly to be liked or admired. It’s a little more complicated than that, maybe. But when you come right down to it it’s to be liked, loved. (查看原文)
但那时候，一旦我考出好成绩或满大街涂鸦自己的名字或让安杰拉・米德同意我把手放到她的胸上时，我却什么也感觉不到，也许只是害怕下次再也做不到这样了吧。我想要的是下一次或下一样东西。
But then, once I got the best grade or made All City or got Angela Mead to let me put my hand on her breast, I wouldn’t feel much of anything except maybe fear that I wouldn’t be able to get it again. The next time or next thing I wanted. (查看原文)
…可我根本就没感觉到那种软绵绵的活色生香或她乳房摸起来是什么感觉，因为我只是满脑子想着「现在，我就是那个米德同意和她在一起的人」。
I remember being down in the rec room in Angela Mead’s basement on the couch and having her let me get my hand up under her blouse and not even really feeling the soft aliveness or whatever of her breast because all I was doing was thinking, ‘Now I’m the guy that Mead let get to second with her.’ (查看原文)
…要知道她可是中学那年的啦啦队队长，也许在最让人垂涎的女孩中还是排名第二第三呢。不仅如此，她对青少年时期争排名的风气和谁谁谁流行的废话不屑一顾，但我从来没觉得她有多特别或把她看得有多高，虽然我排名相当靠前，这样的人，照理说应该能做点深入交流，而且也会很想去知道和理解她究竟是什么样的人。
[…] I never even really saw her, I couldn’t see anything except who I might be in her eyes, this cheerleader and probably number two or three among the most desirable girls in middle school that year. She was much more than that, she was beyond all that adolescent ranking and popularity crap, but I never really let her be or saw her as more, although I put up a very good front as somebody who could have deep conversations and really wanted to know and understand who she was inside. (查看原文)
