Yet there I was, casually wishing that I could stop existing in the same way you'd want to leave an empty room or mute an unbearably repetitive noise. That wasn't the worst part, though. The worst part was deciding to keep going.
And that's the most frustrating thing about depression. It isn't always something you can fight back against with hope. It isn't evensomething-it's nothing. And you can't combat nothing. You can't fill it up. You can't cover it. It's just there, pulling the meaning out of everything. That being the case, all the hopeful, proactive solutions start to sound completely insane in contrast to the sc...
The fact that I think about doing nice things feels almost like actually doing them. I got to feel all the good feelings without any of the inconvenience. It's disgusting how proud of myself I am for things I've never done. 原来大家都或多或少会用自欺欺人的幻想维持着自我感觉良好的表象 What I am is constantly thrust into my face while I'm trying to be better than I am. Even if I am actively doing...
At first, I'd try to explain that it's not really negativity or sadness anymore, it's more just this detached, meaningless fog where you can't feel anything about anything--even the things you love, even fun things--and you are horribly bored and lonely, but since you've lost your ability to connect with any of the things that would normally make you feel less bored and lonely, you're stuck in ...
Most people can motivate themselves to do things simply by knowing that those things need to be done. But not for me. For me, motivation is this horrible, scary game where I try to make myself do something while I actively avoid doing it. If I win, I have to do something I don't want to do. If I lose, I'm one step closer to ruining my entire life. And I never know whether I'm going to win or lo...(1回应)
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