It's very difficult read as it stirred up strong emotions and painful memories. Had to pause several times to take a break and calmed self down. It's worth the pain though, as by the end of the book, you will be able to tell what is good parenting from what it's not, and to trace many of your issues back to the way you were raised. You will be empo
It is enlightening to recognize that relationship is bidirectional and having a fantasy of changing parents is ultimately a fantasy. It has been frustrating to believe that parents are their for us and realizing those are myths (rather than facts) is liberating. The book has a slim reference list, so it would be difficult to locate academic sources
Everyone should read this book. Glad I read it after The Body Keeps the Score as it’s not as academic while I needed robust scientific evidence to convince me given this is such an emotionally charged subject. I was able to recognize that everything in the book is rooted in science, proven, and true. And let myself believe. January 2024, Dubai.
作者: Lindsay C. Gibson 副标题: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting isbn: 1626251703 书名: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents 页数: 224 定价: GBP 12.99 出版社: New Harbinger 装帧: Paperback 出版年: 2015-6-25
27 有用 Eddie 2016-12-16 16:33:49
晚点时候再写长评吧。我从来没读过这一类型的书，内容非常好，但是读的过程中过去压制的记忆就像河底沉积已久的淤泥突然被强力地拔起，气味刺鼻，强烈甚至恶心，unprepared for such depression.
8 有用 林大洲游泳版 2018-07-04 17:15:24
It's very difficult read as it stirred up strong emotions and painful memories. Had to pause several times to take a break and calmed self down. It's worth the pain though, as by the end of the book, you will be able to tell what is good parenting from what it's not, and to trace many of your issues back to the way you were raised. You will be empo
9 有用 いずみ ちあき 2016-12-27 23:01:57
(2016.31)全书对情绪不成熟的家长的类型和其造成的影响，以及相应的应对方法的描述都很详细且到位。无论是作为自助读物，还是心理咨询手册都非常有参考价值。考虑到国内的育儿/沟通方式也在逐渐改变，本书似乎尤其适合国情啊。然而缺点仍然是太过经验主义，没有数据就算再觉得有道理也还是很飘啊。需要重读几次以及寻找数据支持。
8 有用 Pax 2016-12-19 03:04:30
应该为这本书写一篇长评。非常感谢作者，在努力教授这些adult children以一种尽量少带情绪的方式去处理极其情绪化的问题，这可能是唯一的存活和成长方式。虽然实践起来很难，但值得一试，毕竟，nothing to lose...
3 有用 圆钉钉钉钉 2017-03-01 17:23:42
阅读过程很痛苦 很多这样那样的人和事浮现眼前 作者在恳切地希望类似的adult children迈出自我疗愈的第一步 很好的书
2 有用 阿闲闲 2022-10-08 20:39:02 荷兰
第一章和最后一章可看。第一章明确一个观点，只给予物质照顾而不进行情感连结的父母会让孩子在童年时感到无比孤独，最后一章给了一些实用办法，成年后的孩子在与父母发生紧张对话或冲突的情形下，如何得体应对（我觉得用来应对难缠的客户也很有用，pause and leave）
3 有用 Xavium 2021-07-26 12:28:02
audible上买的有声书，朗读的阿姨睿智又慈祥，就像你未曾拥有过的父母。听着每个案例你觉得自己的孤独并不孤单。野心型（driven）家长你们都应该很熟悉吧，望孩成龙，对子女的爱都是有条件的，这样的爱并不是真爱，子女成年后也不会是平和、有安全感的人，或许住在繁华市内，但内心是空的。跟《The Emotionally Absent Mother》相比，《The Emotionally Absent Mother》会给出家长之所以「无爱」的一些客观原因，比如「父母亦曾是孩子」，坚持「父母有责」但是并没有单纯地指控家长本身，让你深切哀悼自己的童年也尝试体谅父母身世。
1 有用 Teak 2020-11-26 15:33:23
非常值得一读的一本书。比起narcissistic，emotionally immature是更温和的形容词，也是更普遍的现象——我们这代人的父母，四舍五入下大概人均emotionally immature。作者的重点放在作为子女如何理解童年的创伤、解决当下的问题、以及努力让自己成长一个情绪成熟的人，但我觉得，反过来，对于不要让自己变成这样的父母也有帮助。
1 有用 小慢 2020-05-31 05:30:41
简单翻了一下，心理学家写的大众科普自助书籍，流畅清晰也蛮有道理，只是没有留数据和引用。当然还是目标观众的原因，但是给我感觉就水了。。
0 有用 东方学长 2022-01-18 16:29:30
很痛。
0 有用 姜小白 2023-04-29 09:41:19 湖北
最好的部分是着眼immature parents的来处，即能解释《斯诺通》里的亲子关系也能更宽阔的诠释《盐镇》，并非是去责怪原生家庭，而是去理解父母的成长环境对他们行为举止的塑造，从而更清澈的认识这种emotional immature parents又如何影响自己，自己该如何处理这些情绪以及自身明显的patterns。作者是专业大牛，力求严谨的表达，但jargon用太多阅读灾难啊。每次讨论到宽容与原谅，在网上都会收到“那只是算了”的评论，因此格外警惕，蔡康永在《奇葩说》如此轻佻的一个结论，居然被人反复当成疏放情绪的工具。要尊重自己的这些情绪，vulnerable是勇敢的表现，但要从专业人（没个心理学Phd还是尽量提防下情绪）手上学习处理情绪的工具，语言即是意识的传递，也会影响个人意识。
0 有用 灰猫之爱 2021-11-01 10:08:56
特别棒的一本书，写得很精炼，值得二刷画重点
0 有用 ZZ 2021-12-08 09:56:38
很好的一本心理理疗书，了解父母，了解自己，才能改变自己。
1 有用 SuSo 2021-12-29 18:12:23
It is enlightening to recognize that relationship is bidirectional and having a fantasy of changing parents is ultimately a fantasy. It has been frustrating to believe that parents are their for us and realizing those are myths (rather than facts) is liberating. The book has a slim reference list, so it would be difficult to locate academic sources
1 有用 七碗茶 2021-12-27 09:18:05
唯一质疑的是成熟标准 比如礼貌表达 这是一个白人文化主导的看法
0 有用 -% 2022-11-18 19:16:34 上海
emotionally immature parents本身也是emotionally immature adults，只不过有孩子之后更加明显、加剧了这一系列行为，身边和网上看到太多太多类似家长的例子。还有近几年流行的反向育儿，在不适当的场合或者过度使用不会培养出有责任感的孩子，只会无限增加他的不安全感
0 有用 介子 2022-11-23 10:27:51 澳大利亚
Be more vocal about your needs. Set boundaries. Be more outcome-oriented about conversations. 最后两三章稍微有用点
0 有用 猪鼻子的小章鱼 2022-04-09 05:42:34
一直知道自己有各种问题，读的时候才发觉原来其中很多问题都有着共同原因啊，emotionally immature。从来不觉得自己有着怎样“悲惨”的原生家庭（读完后也不觉得），但还是学到了很多，也分析了很多。分析了父母的父母（以及社会）怎样造就了我的父母，但好像还是无法分析这样糟糕的“我”是怎么被造就的（同学说肯定的，没这么简单
0 有用 禅茶一味 2024-01-13 18:59:15 阿联酋
Everyone should read this book. Glad I read it after The Body Keeps the Score as it’s not as academic while I needed robust scientific evidence to convince me given this is such an emotionally charged subject. I was able to recognize that everything in the book is rooted in science, proven, and true. And let myself believe. January 2024, Dubai.
0 有用 顿超 2024-02-08 03:31:05 美国
Audible上听完的，edifying