高难度谈话(全球畅销10周年纪念版)

当然情绪的话题并不是在所有的谈话中都有效，正如人们常说的，如果不想惹麻烦，就千万不要吵醒睡觉的狗，不幸的是如果你这方面的技巧不够娴熟，贸然引入这个话题的后果就是你打扰的可能就不止是正在睡觉的狗，而是所有的狗了，甚至包括那些让你夜不能寐的狗。lol who let the dogs out~ woo woof~

Summarize steps in handling a difficult conversation. 1. walk through the three conversations: what happened, intention/impact, contribution; feelings; identity 2. check your purpose and decide whether to raise it 3. start from the third story 4. explore their story and yours: listen, expressing (acknowledge and clarify), and be persistent 5. problem-solving

What is a powerful set of moves to take the lead in a conversation? Explain - reframe, listen and name the dynamic - reframe: be persistent to reframe the problem into the correct direction - listen: let the other person feel heard and understood - name the dynamic: make the trouble explicit

What does problem solving consist of? - gather information and test your perceptions - say what is still missing - say what would persuade you - ask what would persuade them - ask their advice - invent options - ask what standards should apply - if you still can't agree, consider your alternatives

Summarize the workflow of a difficult conversation. - begin conversation from a third story - be a good listener to understand the other person's story - express yourself and let others know your story

What are four steps to improve expressing your story? - Realize that You are entitled (aware that we are all equal and deserve to be treated with respect and dignity; aware of self-sabotage; failure to express yourself keeps you out of the relationship; feel entitled, encouraged, but not obliged) - Speak the heart of the matter (start with what matters most; say what you mean: don't make them guess; avoid easing in; don't make your story simplistic and use AND) - Tell your story with clarity (don't present your conclusions as truth; share where your conclusions come from; don't exagerrate with "always" and "never" - Help them understand you (ask them to paraphrase back; ask how they see it differently and why)