Iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity.
Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about the human heart—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love,...
Iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity.
Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about the human heart—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.
An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so too the prohibition against it—in fact, it has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. So what are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.
For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.
Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”
Esther Perel is a couples and family therapist with a private practice in New York City. She is on the faculty of the International Trauma Studies program at Columbia University, is a member of the American Family Therapy Academy, and has appeared on many television programs, including The Oprah Winfrey Show, Good Day New York, CBS This Morning, and HBO's Women Aloud. She lives...
Esther Perel is a couples and family therapist with a private practice in New York City. She is on the faculty of the International Trauma Studies program at Columbia University, is a member of the American Family Therapy Academy, and has appeared on many television programs, including The Oprah Winfrey Show, Good Day New York, CBS This Morning, and HBO's Women Aloud. She lives in New York City with her husband and two children.
目录
· · · · · ·
Acknowledgements
Introduction
PART I: SETTING THE STAGE
Chapter 1: A New Conversation About Marriage and Infidelity
Chapter 2: Defining Infidelity: Is Chatting Cheating?
Chapter 3: Affairs Are Not What They Used to Be
· · · · · ·
(更多)
Acknowledgements
Introduction
PART I: SETTING THE STAGE
Chapter 1: A New Conversation About Marriage and Infidelity
Chapter 2: Defining Infidelity: Is Chatting Cheating?
Chapter 3: Affairs Are Not What They Used to Be
PART II: THE FALLOUT
Chapter 4: Why Betrayal Hurts So Much: Death by a Thousand Cuts
Chapter 5: Little Shop of Horrors: Do Some Affairs Hurt More than Others?
Chapter 6: Jealousy: The Spark of Eros
Chapter 7: Self-Blame or Vengeance: The Dagger Cuts Both Ways
Chapter 8: To Tell or Not to Tell?: The Politics of Secrecy and Revelation
PART III: MEANINGS AND MOTIVES
Chapter 9: Even Happy People Cheat: Mining the Meanings of Affairs
Chapter 10: An Antidote to Deadness: The Lure of the Forbidden
Chapter 11: Is Sex Ever Just Sex?: The Emotional Economics and Adultery
Chapter 12: The Mother of All Betrayals?: Affairs Among Other Marital Misdemeanors
Chapter 13: The Lover’s Dilemma: Conversations with the Other Woman
PART IV: EVER AFTER
Chapter 14: Monogamy and Its Discontents: Rethinking Marriage
Chapter 15: After the Storm: The Legacy of an Affair
Notes
Index
· · · · · · (收起)
比mating in capativity稍微冗长了一点，专注讲infidelity，作者真的是non-judgmental的讨论了这个话题下很多有趣的观察。深刻的affair是你发现了新的自己。affair有时候是解决婚姻问题改变现状的一环。
希望作者可以多讲讲open relationship以及affair出现之前的人的psychoanalysis。
If you are looking for something that is lost, you should be aware that you will never gonna find it under the bright light directly shedding on your standing place.
![[美国] 埃丝特·佩雷尔](https://img2.doubanio.com/view/personage/m/public/ca4f6e7cd0982a0dd26dd85efaa2641e.jpg)
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1 有用 北楼鬼 2019-06-30 17:04:45
想把孔老夫子的话变个顺序说，未知死焉知生。没想到是一本探讨affair的书反而给我带来了关于婚姻、两性关系等话题颇不一样的洞见和启示。敏感的议题，富于同情心同理心以及专业知识（心理学、社会学、历史、文化...ect.）的视角和执业态度，每一章节不同的关注点，大量的therapy案例等等。是一场过瘾的阅读体验。
0 有用 OneTape 2024-03-04 10:51:03 美国
没读完，感觉不必读完。这本书很客观地从双方角度讨论了出轨/infidelity，很高兴没有什么非黑即白的极端论断。坚信once a cheater always a cheater的朋友看看这本书之后应该会有不同的理解。
0 有用 oooootter 2024-03-18 15:19:07 美国
比mating in capativity稍微冗长了一点，专注讲infidelity，作者真的是non-judgmental的讨论了这个话题下很多有趣的观察。深刻的affair是你发现了新的自己。affair有时候是解决婚姻问题改变现状的一环。 希望作者可以多讲讲open relationship以及affair出现之前的人的psychoanalysis。
0 有用 ...維 2021-10-23 02:27:09
剖析极为细致 摈弃了非黑即白的论调 将事情复杂化人性化了 厉害厉害
0 有用 _iaalaf_ 2022-03-10 09:39:35
If you are looking for something that is lost, you should be aware that you will never gonna find it under the bright light directly shedding on your standing place.