to be born in that city ---- i went so far as to write once, thinking not of myself but of lila's perssimism----is useful for only one thing: to have always known, almost instinvtively, what today, with endless fine distinctions, everyone is beginning to claim: that the dream of unlimited progress is in reality a nighmare of savagery and death. (查看原文)
“Is it possible that a stupid woman doesn’t exist?” “I didn’t say that: I said that as a rule you are better than us.” “I’m better than you?” “Absolutely, yes, and I’ve known it for a very long time.” “All right, I believe you, but at least once in your life, have you met a bitch?” “Yes.” “Tell me her name.” I knew what he would say, and yet I insisted, hoping he would say Eleonora. I waited, he became serious: “I can’t.” “Tell me.” “If I tell you you’ll get mad.” “I won’t get mad.” “Lina.” (查看原文)
the moment when he had opened his eyes and seen me in the mirror, standing on the threshold. Then everything seemed clearer. There was no split between that man who came after Lila and the boy with whom—before Lila—I had been in love since childhood. Nino was only one, and the expression he had on his face while he was inside Silvana was the proof. It was the expression of his father, Donato, not when he deflowered me on the Maronti but when he touched me between the legs, under the sheet, in Nella’s kitchen. (查看原文)
On that theme he often undertook long, very cultured monologues in which he tried to convince me that it wasn’t his fault but that of nature, of astral matter, of spongy bodies and their excessive liquids, of the immoderate heat of his loins—in short, of his exorbitant virility. No matter how much I add up all the books I’ve read, he murmured, in a tone that was sincere, pained, and yet vain to the point of ridiculousness, no matter how much I add up the languages I’ve learned, the mathematics, the sciences, the literature, and most of all my love for you—yes, the love and the need I have for you, the terror of not being able to have you anymore—believe me, I beg you, believe me, there’s nothing to be done, I can’t I can’t I can’t, the occasional desire, the most foolish, the most obtuse, ... (查看原文)
That persecuting mother was unleashed. She began to act through me, venting because of the difficulties, the anxieties,the pain the dying mother was causing me with her frailties, the gaze of a person who is about to drown. I became intractable,every complication seemed like a plot, I often started shouting. I had the impression, in my moments of greatest unhappiness, that the chaos of Naples had settled even in my body, that Iwas losing the capacity to be nice, bo be likable. Peitro called to talk to chidren and I was brusque. The publisher called me, or some daily paper, and I protested, I said: I'm in my ninth month, I 'm stressed, leave me alone. (查看原文)
He had encouraged me on other occasions to find someone who could take care of the house, the shopping,the cooking,the children,but in order not to seem excessively demanding,I had always responded that I didn't want to be a bigger economic burden than necessary. Generally I tended to give more importance not to what would be helpful to me but to what he would appreciate. And then I didn't want to admit that the same problems I had already experienced with Pietro were surfacing in our relationship. But this time, surprising him, I said immediately: yes, all right, find this woman as soon as possible. And it seemed to me that I was speaking in the voice of my mother, not in the feeble voice of recent times but in strident tones. Who gave a damn about the shopping, I had to take care of my ... (查看原文)
She stood out among so many because she, naturally, did not submit to any training, to any use, to any purpose. All of us had submitted and that submission had - through trials, failures, successes - reduced us. Only Lila, nothing and no one seemed to reduce her. Rather, even if over the years she became as stupid and intractable as anyone, the qualities that we had attributed to her would remain intact, maybe they would be magnified. Even when we hated her we ended by respecting her and fearing her. (查看原文)
