Name: What Life Could Mean to You
ISBN: 9781851686704

作者: Alfred Adler / Colin Brett
出版社: Oneworld Publications
副标题: The Psychology of Personal Development
出版年: 2009-8-11
页数: 256
定价: CAD 44.50
装帧: Paperback
ISBN: 9781851686704

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内容简介 · · · · · ·

"What Life Could Mean to You" is one of Alfred Adler's most popular books, combining a complete guide to his work on personal development with a practical approach to self-understanding. Focused on his 'three tasks of life' - marriage, work, and social relationships - it explores the key issues that influence the progress of our lives and our view of what life means. It combine...

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心理学心理阿德勒 Psychology 英文原版 AlfredAdler 成长经典

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What Life Could Mean to You的话题 · · · · · · ( 全部条 )

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无论是一部作品、一个人，还是一件事，都往往可以衍生出许多不同的话题。将这些话题细分出来，分别进行讨论，会有更多收获。

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What Life Could Mean to You的书评 · · · · · · ( 全部 533 条 )

打破“五岁定终身”的魔咒

“一个人在五岁之前，其生活经验已经决定了他（她）成年后解释自身遭遇和回应的方式，对于“对这个世界和自己应该期待些什么”有了基本的答案。” ——阿尔弗雷德•阿德勒阿尔弗雷德•阿德勒是著名的奥地利心理学家，个体心理学派的创始人。他在思想最成熟的1932年写... (展开)

658

13 47回应

无名氏 2007-09-23 14:21:41 国际文化出版公司2005版

读后感

优越感来源于自卑. 消除自卑最好的方法,便是建立优越感,以此来摆脱自卑带来的心理弱势.以我为例:小时侯,由于外貌和性格受其它人喜欢,我认为自己就是应该受到别人的关注,别人应该喜欢我我应该比别人优秀. 因为身体并不算强壮,在同龄人中,我并没有得到预期的统治与影响力. 现实... (展开)

262

25 80回应

robin1123 2009-04-08 12:06:38 汕头大学出版社2010版

自学心理学建议从此书入手

1986年，安徽宣城新华书店，高中生的我，进去瞧了瞧，看了看封面，读了读前言，翻了翻内容，读了两段文字后，决定花1.60元买下来。不贵，真的。（1984年年底的通货膨胀，令万元户已不再是罕见了。）（如果你想知道当时的封面，可以看一眼：http://www.douban.com/subject/1... (展开)

146

37 50回应

yupei 2009-02-05 13:45:12 光明日报出版社2006版

自尊与自卑——混乱中的难兄难弟

其实这是读书笔记作业的摘录。。。这里只是谈一谈我看过此书后的感受和反思。心史老师说，很多学心理的不是想弄清楚整个人类的心理状况是怎样的，也不是想纠结于感觉知觉记忆这些实验内容，而是想解决自己的问题。说得没错，至少我选择心理的其中一个原因，是因为我对自己有... (展开)

6 32回应

Lena 2012-01-26 18:21:28 汕头大学出版社2010版

假如生活欺骗了你

什么是自卑？阿尔弗雷德▪ 阿德勒在此书给出的定义是，“当个人面对一个他无法应付的问题时，他表示他绝对无法解决这个问题，此时出现的情绪便是自卑情绪。” 人类在生活中会遇到各种各样的困难。我们常常希望我们能对目前的地位进行改进，这种想法可以说是一种广义的自卑感... (展开)

6 4回应

DEIRDRA 2013-05-01 12:56:27 光明日报出版社2006版

幾乎每個人都有病

作為一個外行人和未成年人，讀此書有兩個階段，先是是瞭解自己，其次才是試圖治療自己。此為讀後感。頭一次讀這本書，恰好是在一年前。也許根據心理的選擇，看見的都是那些我的問題和問題的起源。我發現了自己的病癥所在，卻苦於沒有解決方法。我那時想：這些混蛋都是只... (展开)

2 10回应

西毒 2014-05-26 19:34:45 沈阳出版社2012版

自卑是一场误会

不管是弗洛伊德的精神分析学说还是个体心理学，他们对个体的发展都持有一个共识：童年时期的社会经验已经决定了个体成年人的行为。我认为这个基本的观点是个体社会心理学的精髓，它指出了个体成长过程中所表现出来的连续性和早期社会经验对个体成长的绝对影响力。这个说法让人... (展开)

2 4回应

夏洛 2009-04-26 22:11:38 经济日报出版社1997版

你将如何看待你的记忆

心理学的领域是:探讨个人各种表情中的意义,寻找了解人生生活目标的方法,并以之和别人的生活目标相比较. 个体心理学认为,生活中的每一个问题几乎都可以归结为:职业,社会和性这三个问题之下.每个人对这三个问题做反应是,都明白地表现出他对生活意义的最深层次的感受. 经验并不是... (展开)

3回应

高地清风 2008-11-05 02:17:33 国际文化出版公司2005版

幸福就是能合作

“除旧布新的工作，舍我其谁！” ——阿德勒幸福就是能合作读前问题: 1.剖析：非理性的自卑何以成为可能？ 2.如何超越? 解答： 1.根源于“存在主义的焦虑”，在没有发展出足够的合作能力时，因退缩而使得自卑成为可能。 2.合作、常识、理性与责任感。似乎许多家心理学流派... (展开)

11回应

米洛❤️ 2012-05-06 16:51:18 国际文化出版公司2005版

世界以痛吻我，要我报之以歌

习惯了读完一本书，或者看完一部电影先到豆瓣上来看看别人的评价，似乎更能有助于理解这部作品。第一次自己也来试着写写感受，尽管肤浅，却是自己最真实的体验。书里提到的最初体验，让我着迷，原来我们每个人的生活风格都在4、5岁的时候就已经形成了，我也努力地回想我的最初... (展开)

2 8回应

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读书笔记 · · · · · · (共13篇)

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第222页 Love and Marriage

Lucia (Passionately Curious)

We could even say that for a full realization of this co-operation between two partners, each partner must be more interested in the other than in him or herself. This is the only basis on which love and marriage can be successful. The misguidedness of many opinions on marriage, and many proposals for its reform, will at once be apparent. If each partner is to be more interested in the other pa...
2017-12-23 07:46

We could even say that for a full realization of this co-operation between two partners, each partner must be more interested in the other than in him or herself. This is the only basis on which love and marriage can be successful. The misguidedness of many opinions on marriage, and many proposals for its reform, will at once be apparent. If each partner is to be more interested in the other partner than him or herself, there must be equality. If such intimacy and mutual devotion is to be achieved, neither partner must feel subdued or overshadowed. However, equality is only possible if both partners have this attitude. Each should be making every effort to ease and enrich the life of the other. In this way each partner is safe, each feels that they are worthwhile, each feels needed. Here we find the fundamental guarantee of marriage, the fundamental meaning of happiness in this relationship. It is the feeling that you are worthwhile, that you cannot be replaced, that your partner needs you, that you are behaving well, that you are a good companion and a true friend.
引自 Love and Marriage
家庭环境：
It is not surprising that most failures in life are children from broken homes and an unhappy family life. If the parents are not able to co-operate themselves, it will be impossible for them to teach co-operation to their children.
引自 Love and Marriage
We must be careful on this point, however. We have already learned that individuals are not determined by their environment but by their interpretation of that environment. Their interpretation can be useful. It is possible that they had very unhappy experiences of family life in their parents' home, but this may simply stimulate them to do better in their own family life and they may be striving to prepare themselves well for marriage. We must never judge or exclude human beings because they have an unfortunate family life behind them.
引自 Love and Marriage
鼓励：
Training in friendship is a preparation for marriage. Games might be useful if they entailed training in co-operation, but in children's game we find only too often competition and the desire to excel. It is very useful to establish situations in which two children work together, study together and learn together. I believe that we should not undervalue dancing. I do not mean the dancing we have today, which is more of a performance than of a shared activity. If, however, we had simple and easy dances for children, it would greatly help their development.
引自 Love and Marriage
性教育：
I would never encourage parents to explain the physical aspects of sex too early in life or to explain mroe than their children wish to learn. It is clear that the way children view the problems of marriage is very important. If this subject is handled badly, they will see these problems as a danger or as something altogether beyond them. In my own experience, children who were introduced to the facts of adult relationships in early life. Physical attraction also suggests to them the idea of danger. If children are more grown-up when they have their first explanations and experiences, they are not nearly so frightened: and there is far less opportunity for them to make mistakes in their relationships.
引自 Love and Marriage
The key is never to lie to children, never to evade their questions, to understand what is behind their questions, to explain only as much as they wish to learn and only as much as we are sure they can understand. In this problem of life, as in all others, it is better for children to be independent and learn what they want to know by asking. If there is trust between them and their parents they can come to no harm.
引自 Love and Marriage
There is a common superstition that children can be misled by the explanations of their peers. Children whose training in co-operation and independence has been good will never be harmed by playground whisperings, and I have never seen otherwise healthy children suffer harm in this way. Children do not swallow everything their school friends tell them. For the most part they are very critical and, if they are not sure whether what they have been told is true, they will ask their parents or their brothers and sisters. I must also confess that I have often found children more delicate and tactful in these affairs thatn their elders.
引自 Love and Marriage
开放关系：
It is impossible to achieve true intimacy and devotion in love if we limit our responsibitly to five years or regard the marriage as a trial run. If men or women keep open the option of such an escape, they do not put their all into the task. We never arrange such a "get-out clause" in any of the other serious and important tasks of life. We cannot limit our love. All those well-meaning and good-natured peopel who are trying to find an alternative for marriage; they would make it easier for them to opt out and to shirk the effort they should make in the task they have set themselves.
引自 Love and Marriage
性别责任：
In our culture we frequently come across people who are ill at ease with their sexual role. This may be the root cause of all cases of frigidity in women and psychosomatic impotence in men. In these cases there is a resistance to love and marriage revealed through a physical resistance. It is impossible to avoid these difficulties unless we truly believe that men and women are equal; and as long as half the human race has reason to be dissatisfied with its status, this dissatisfaction will be a huge obstacle to the success of marriage. The remedy here is training for equality and, at the same time, we should never permit children to remain in doubt about their own future role.
引自 Love and Marriage

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第217页 The Individual and Society

Lucia (Passionately Curious)

Social Interest: We have seen how it is best for children to feel that they are an equally valued member of their family and to take an interest in all the other members. We have seen that the parents should themselves be on friendly terms with each other and should have good and close friendships with others outside the family. In this way their children come to feel that trustworthy human bei...
2017-12-23 07:25

Social Interest:
We have seen how it is best for children to feel that they are an equally valued member of their family and to take an interest in all the other members. We have seen that the parents should themselves be on friendly terms with each other and should have good and close friendships with others outside the family. In this way their children come to feel that trustworthy human beings exist ourside the family circle as well as within it.
引自 The Individual and Society
We have also seen how, at school, children should feel a part of the class, a friend to the other children and able to rely on their friendship. Life in the family and life at school are preparations for life in the wider world. The aim of both family and school is to educate children to be a social human being, an equal member of the human race. Only in these conditions will they preserve their courage and meet the problems of life confidently, finding solutions to them that promote the well-being of others.
引自 The Individual and Society
If they can be a good friend to everyone and contribute to society through useful work and a happy marriage, they will never feel inferior to other people or defeated by them. They will feel that they are at home in the world, in a friendly place, meeting people they like and equal to the task of coping with their difficulties. They will feel, "This world is my world. I must act and organize, not wait and expect." They will be completely sure that the present time is only one stage in the history of humankind, and that they belong to the whole human process--past, present and future; but they will also feel that this is the time in which they can fulfil their creative tasks and make their own contribution to human development. It is true that there are evils and difficulties, prejudices and disasters in this world; but it is our own world and its advantages and disadvantages are our own. It is our world, to work in and improve; and we can hope that if anyone faces up to their tasks in the right way they can play their part in improving it.
引自 The Individual and Society

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第214页 The Individual and Society

Lucia (Passionately Curious)

Two conditions that reveal with particular clarity the estrangement of the sufferer from other human beings are paranoia and melancholia. In paranoia patients accuse all humanity; they think that everyone else is involved in a conspiracy against them. In melancholia, patients accuse themselves: they say, for example, 'I have ruined my whole family', or 'I have lost all my money and my children ...
2017-12-23 06:25

Two conditions that reveal with particular clarity the estrangement of the sufferer from other human beings are paranoia and melancholia. In paranoia patients accuse all humanity; they think that everyone else is involved in a conspiracy against them. In melancholia, patients accuse themselves: they say, for example, 'I have ruined my whole family', or 'I have lost all my money and my children will starve'. Even if individuals accuse themselves however, this is only the outside face thy show; they are really accusing others.
引自 The Individual and Society
Don't know what to do?
Melancholics are offen inclined to avenge themselves on others by committing suicide, and the doctor's first concern is to avoid giving them an excuse for suicide. I myself try to relieve their tension by suggesting to them, as the first rule in treatment, 'Never do anything you don't like'. This seems a small thing, but I believe that it gets to the root of the problem. If melancholics ae free to do anything they want, whom can they accuse? What have they got to take revenge for? 'If you want to go to the theatre', I tell her, 'or to go on a holiday, do it. If you find on the way that you don't want to, don't bother.'
引自 The Individual and Society
It is the best situation anyone could be in. It satisfies their need for superiority. They are like God and can do what they please. On the other hand, it does not fit very easily into their life style. They want to dominate and accuse others and if the others agree with them there is no way of dominating them. This approach is usually highly effective and I have never had a suicide among my patients. It is understood, of course that it is best to have someone to watch such patients, and some of my patients have not been watched as closely as I would have liked. So long as there is an observer, there is no danger.
引自 The Individual and Society
Often, the patients replies to my proposition, 'But there is nothing I like doing.'
引自 The Individual and Society
I am well prepared for this answer, because I have heard it so many times. 'Then refrain from doing anything you dislike'. I say.
引自 The Individual and Society
Sometimes, however, they will reply, 'I should like to stay in bed all day.'
引自 The Individual and Society
I know that if I allow it, they will no longer want to do it. I also know that if I hinder them, they will start a war. I always agree with them. That is one strategy. Another attacks the life style even more directly. I tell them, 'You can be cured in fourteen days if you follow this prescription. Try to think every day how you can please someone.' Imagine that this means to them. They are usually occupied with the thought, 'How can I worry someone?'
引自 The Individual and Society
The anwsers are very interesting. Some say, 'This will be very easy for me. I have done it all my life.'
引自 The Individual and Society
They have never done lt, of course. I ask them to think it over. They do not think it over. I tell them, 'You can make use of all the time you spend when you are unable to go to sleep by thinking how you can please someone, and your health will improve dramatically.' When I see them the next day, I ask them, 'Did you think over what I suggested?'
引自 The Individual and Society
They answer, 'Last night I went to sleep as soon as I got into bed.' All this must be done, of course, in a modest, friendly manner, without a hint of superiority.
引自 The Individual and Society
Others will answer, 'I could never do it. I am so worried.'
引自 The Individual and Society
I tell them, 'Don't stop worrying; but at the same time you can think, now and then, of others.' I want to redirect their interest towards other people.
引自 The Individual and Society
Many say, 'Why should I please others? Others don't try to please me.'
引自 The Individual and Society
You must think of your health', I answer. 'The others will suffer latter on.' Only rarely do patients reply, 'I have thought over what you suggested.' All my efforts are devoted towards increasing the social interest of the patients. I know that the real reason for their malady is their lack of co-operation and I want them to see it too. As soon as they can relate to their follow human beings on an equal and co-operative footing, they are cured.
引自 The Individual and Society

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第211页 The Individual and Society

Lucia (Passionately Curious)

Self-interest: What we must take issue with is the attitude of people who are motivated only by self-interest. This attidude is the greatest conceivable obstacle to individual and collective progress. It is only through our interest in our fellow human beings that any of our human capabilities develop. To speak, to read and to write all presuppose a bond with other people. Language itself is co...
2017-12-23 06:21

Self-interest:
What we must take issue with is the attitude of people who are motivated only by self-interest. This attidude is the greatest conceivable obstacle to individual and collective progress. It is only through our interest in our fellow human beings that any of our human capabilities develop. To speak, to read and to write all presuppose a bond with other people. Language itself is common to all humankind; it is a product of social interest. Understanding is a matter of sharing, not a private function. To understand means to comprehend in a way that we expect everybody else to share. It is to connect ourselves through a shared medium with other people, to submit to the common experience of all humanity.
引自 The Individual and Society

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第39页 Mind and Body

Lucia (Passionately Curious)

Wills of their own: Very well-known sociologist in Germany has discovered that a surprising proportion of criminals had parents whose occupations related to the discouragement of crime, such as judges, police or prison wardens. Often the children of teachers are obstinate academically. My own experience has borne this out, and I have also found a surprising number of neurotic children among the...
2017-12-22 12:31

Wills of their own:
Very well-known sociologist in Germany has discovered that a surprising proportion of criminals had parents whose occupations related to the discouragement of crime, such as judges, police or prison wardens. Often the children of teachers are obstinate academically. My own experience has borne this out, and I have also found a surprising number of neurotic children among the children of psychologists, and of delinquent children among the offspring of psychologists, and of delinquent children among the offspring of ministers of religion. In a similar way, children whose parents place too much stress on urinating have a splendid opportunity of showing, through their enuresis, that they have wills of their own.
引自 Mind and Body

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第61页 Feelings of Inferiority and Superiority

Lucia (Passionately Curious)

Becoming God: We should be careful not to make too hasty an assessment of any particular striving for superiority, but we can find in all goals one common factor--a striving to be god-like. Sometimes we find children who express themselves quite openly in this way, and remark, "I should like to be God". Many philosophers have had the same idea. In a more moderate and reasonable way, perhaps, th... (1回应)
2017-12-22 12:39

Becoming God:
We should be careful not to make too hasty an assessment of any particular striving for superiority, but we can find in all goals one common factor--a striving to be god-like. Sometimes we find children who express themselves quite openly in this way, and remark, "I should like to be God". Many philosophers have had the same idea.
引自 Feelings of Inferiority and Superiority
In a more moderate and reasonable way, perhaps, the same goal of god-likeness is expressed in the desire to know everything, to possess universal wisdom... these expectations are all based upon the desire to be like God. Even the atheist wishes to conquer God, to be higher than God; and we can recognize this as a peculiarly strong goal of superiority.
引自 Feelings of Inferiority and Superiority
Once a person's goal of superiority has been defined, there are no mistakes made in their life style; all actions are consistent with that goal. The habits and behaviour of the individual are precisely right for attaining their declared goal, and they are beyond all criticism. The life style of every problem child, every neurotic, every alcoholic, criminal or sexual deviant reflects the behaviour appropriate to achieving what they take to be the position of superiority. It is impposible to criticize their behaviour in itself; it is exactly the bahaviour they ought to display if they are persuing such a goal.
引自 Feelings of Inferiority and Superiority

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第156页 Adolescence

Lucia (Passionately Curious)

Adolescence! For almost all young people, adolescence means one thing above all else: they must prove that they are no longer children. We might persuade them, perhaps, that they can take this for granted; and, if we could do that, a great deal of stress would be removed from the situation. But if they feel they must prove their maturity, they will inevitably overstress this point.
2017-12-22 12:47

Adolescence!
For almost all young people, adolescence means one thing above all else: they must prove that they are no longer children. We might persuade them, perhaps, that they can take this for granted; and, if we could do that, a great deal of stress would be removed from the situation. But if they feel they must prove their maturity, they will inevitably overstress this point.
引自 Adolescence

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第184页 Crime and its Prevention

Lucia (Passionately Curious)

Criminals: It is not financial hardship that forces them into crime. True, if times are difficult and people are hard-pressed, crimes increase. Statistics show that sometimes the number of crimes increases in line with a rise in the price of wheat. This is no guarantee, however, that it is the economic situation that causes the crime. It is more a sign that many people are liminited in their be...
2017-12-22 12:50

Criminals:
It is not financial hardship that forces them into crime. True, if times are difficult and people are hard-pressed, crimes increase. Statistics show that sometimes the number of crimes increases in line with a rise in the price of wheat. This is no guarantee, however, that it is the economic situation that causes the crime. It is more a sign that many people are liminited in their behaviour.
引自 Crime and its Prevention
There are limits to their capacity for co-operation, and when these limits are reached they can no longer contribute, they lose the last remnant of co-operation and resort to crime. From other facts too, we discover that there are plenty of people who in favourable situations are not criminals but who, if a problem arises for which they are not prepared, can also turn to crime. It is their life style, their method of facing problems, that is important.
引自 Crime and its Prevention
Role of Cooperation:
After all the investigations of Individual Psychology, we can at last clarify a very simple point. Criminals are not interested in other people. They can only co-operate to a certain degree. When this is exhausted, they turn to crime. The final straw comes when a problem is too difficult for them. It is interesting to consider the universal problems of life, the problems that criminals cannot succeed in solving. It appears that, ultimately, we have no problems in our lives except social problems; and these problems can only be solved if we are interested in others.
引自 Crime and its Prevention
Co-operation is something that must be taught, and these criminals were never trained in co-operation.
引自 Crime and its Prevention
They are not stupid or mentally handicapped. For the most part they draw quite sensible conclusions, if we grant them their goal of a fictitious personal superiority.
引自 Crime and its Prevention
We can understand, then, how criminals who see attractive things and want to get hold of them easily will conclude that they must take them from a hostile world, a world in which they have no interest. They are suffering from a misguided outlook on life, a misguided estimate of their own importantce and of the importance of other people.
引自 Crime and its Prevention

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第222页 Love and Marriage

Lucia (Passionately Curious)

We could even say that for a full realization of this co-operation between two partners, each partner must be more interested in the other than in him or herself. This is the only basis on which love and marriage can be successful. The misguidedness of many opinions on marriage, and many proposals for its reform, will at once be apparent. If each partner is to be more interested in the other pa...
2017-12-23 07:46

We could even say that for a full realization of this co-operation between two partners, each partner must be more interested in the other than in him or herself. This is the only basis on which love and marriage can be successful. The misguidedness of many opinions on marriage, and many proposals for its reform, will at once be apparent. If each partner is to be more interested in the other partner than him or herself, there must be equality. If such intimacy and mutual devotion is to be achieved, neither partner must feel subdued or overshadowed. However, equality is only possible if both partners have this attitude. Each should be making every effort to ease and enrich the life of the other. In this way each partner is safe, each feels that they are worthwhile, each feels needed. Here we find the fundamental guarantee of marriage, the fundamental meaning of happiness in this relationship. It is the feeling that you are worthwhile, that you cannot be replaced, that your partner needs you, that you are behaving well, that you are a good companion and a true friend.
引自 Love and Marriage
家庭环境：
It is not surprising that most failures in life are children from broken homes and an unhappy family life. If the parents are not able to co-operate themselves, it will be impossible for them to teach co-operation to their children.
引自 Love and Marriage
We must be careful on this point, however. We have already learned that individuals are not determined by their environment but by their interpretation of that environment. Their interpretation can be useful. It is possible that they had very unhappy experiences of family life in their parents' home, but this may simply stimulate them to do better in their own family life and they may be striving to prepare themselves well for marriage. We must never judge or exclude human beings because they have an unfortunate family life behind them.
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鼓励：
Training in friendship is a preparation for marriage. Games might be useful if they entailed training in co-operation, but in children's game we find only too often competition and the desire to excel. It is very useful to establish situations in which two children work together, study together and learn together. I believe that we should not undervalue dancing. I do not mean the dancing we have today, which is more of a performance than of a shared activity. If, however, we had simple and easy dances for children, it would greatly help their development.
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性教育：
I would never encourage parents to explain the physical aspects of sex too early in life or to explain mroe than their children wish to learn. It is clear that the way children view the problems of marriage is very important. If this subject is handled badly, they will see these problems as a danger or as something altogether beyond them. In my own experience, children who were introduced to the facts of adult relationships in early life. Physical attraction also suggests to them the idea of danger. If children are more grown-up when they have their first explanations and experiences, they are not nearly so frightened: and there is far less opportunity for them to make mistakes in their relationships.
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The key is never to lie to children, never to evade their questions, to understand what is behind their questions, to explain only as much as they wish to learn and only as much as we are sure they can understand. In this problem of life, as in all others, it is better for children to be independent and learn what they want to know by asking. If there is trust between them and their parents they can come to no harm.
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There is a common superstition that children can be misled by the explanations of their peers. Children whose training in co-operation and independence has been good will never be harmed by playground whisperings, and I have never seen otherwise healthy children suffer harm in this way. Children do not swallow everything their school friends tell them. For the most part they are very critical and, if they are not sure whether what they have been told is true, they will ask their parents or their brothers and sisters. I must also confess that I have often found children more delicate and tactful in these affairs thatn their elders.
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开放关系：
It is impossible to achieve true intimacy and devotion in love if we limit our responsibitly to five years or regard the marriage as a trial run. If men or women keep open the option of such an escape, they do not put their all into the task. We never arrange such a "get-out clause" in any of the other serious and important tasks of life. We cannot limit our love. All those well-meaning and good-natured peopel who are trying to find an alternative for marriage; they would make it easier for them to opt out and to shirk the effort they should make in the task they have set themselves.
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性别责任：
In our culture we frequently come across people who are ill at ease with their sexual role. This may be the root cause of all cases of frigidity in women and psychosomatic impotence in men. In these cases there is a resistance to love and marriage revealed through a physical resistance. It is impossible to avoid these difficulties unless we truly believe that men and women are equal; and as long as half the human race has reason to be dissatisfied with its status, this dissatisfaction will be a huge obstacle to the success of marriage. The remedy here is training for equality and, at the same time, we should never permit children to remain in doubt about their own future role.
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第217页 The Individual and Society

Lucia (Passionately Curious)

Social Interest: We have seen how it is best for children to feel that they are an equally valued member of their family and to take an interest in all the other members. We have seen that the parents should themselves be on friendly terms with each other and should have good and close friendships with others outside the family. In this way their children come to feel that trustworthy human bei...
2017-12-23 07:25

Social Interest:
We have seen how it is best for children to feel that they are an equally valued member of their family and to take an interest in all the other members. We have seen that the parents should themselves be on friendly terms with each other and should have good and close friendships with others outside the family. In this way their children come to feel that trustworthy human beings exist ourside the family circle as well as within it.
引自 The Individual and Society
We have also seen how, at school, children should feel a part of the class, a friend to the other children and able to rely on their friendship. Life in the family and life at school are preparations for life in the wider world. The aim of both family and school is to educate children to be a social human being, an equal member of the human race. Only in these conditions will they preserve their courage and meet the problems of life confidently, finding solutions to them that promote the well-being of others.
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If they can be a good friend to everyone and contribute to society through useful work and a happy marriage, they will never feel inferior to other people or defeated by them. They will feel that they are at home in the world, in a friendly place, meeting people they like and equal to the task of coping with their difficulties. They will feel, "This world is my world. I must act and organize, not wait and expect." They will be completely sure that the present time is only one stage in the history of humankind, and that they belong to the whole human process--past, present and future; but they will also feel that this is the time in which they can fulfil their creative tasks and make their own contribution to human development. It is true that there are evils and difficulties, prejudices and disasters in this world; but it is our own world and its advantages and disadvantages are our own. It is our world, to work in and improve; and we can hope that if anyone faces up to their tasks in the right way they can play their part in improving it.
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第214页 The Individual and Society

Lucia (Passionately Curious)

Two conditions that reveal with particular clarity the estrangement of the sufferer from other human beings are paranoia and melancholia. In paranoia patients accuse all humanity; they think that everyone else is involved in a conspiracy against them. In melancholia, patients accuse themselves: they say, for example, 'I have ruined my whole family', or 'I have lost all my money and my children ...
2017-12-23 06:25

Two conditions that reveal with particular clarity the estrangement of the sufferer from other human beings are paranoia and melancholia. In paranoia patients accuse all humanity; they think that everyone else is involved in a conspiracy against them. In melancholia, patients accuse themselves: they say, for example, 'I have ruined my whole family', or 'I have lost all my money and my children will starve'. Even if individuals accuse themselves however, this is only the outside face thy show; they are really accusing others.
引自 The Individual and Society
Don't know what to do?
Melancholics are offen inclined to avenge themselves on others by committing suicide, and the doctor's first concern is to avoid giving them an excuse for suicide. I myself try to relieve their tension by suggesting to them, as the first rule in treatment, 'Never do anything you don't like'. This seems a small thing, but I believe that it gets to the root of the problem. If melancholics ae free to do anything they want, whom can they accuse? What have they got to take revenge for? 'If you want to go to the theatre', I tell her, 'or to go on a holiday, do it. If you find on the way that you don't want to, don't bother.'
引自 The Individual and Society
It is the best situation anyone could be in. It satisfies their need for superiority. They are like God and can do what they please. On the other hand, it does not fit very easily into their life style. They want to dominate and accuse others and if the others agree with them there is no way of dominating them. This approach is usually highly effective and I have never had a suicide among my patients. It is understood, of course that it is best to have someone to watch such patients, and some of my patients have not been watched as closely as I would have liked. So long as there is an observer, there is no danger.
引自 The Individual and Society
Often, the patients replies to my proposition, 'But there is nothing I like doing.'
引自 The Individual and Society
I am well prepared for this answer, because I have heard it so many times. 'Then refrain from doing anything you dislike'. I say.
引自 The Individual and Society
Sometimes, however, they will reply, 'I should like to stay in bed all day.'
引自 The Individual and Society
I know that if I allow it, they will no longer want to do it. I also know that if I hinder them, they will start a war. I always agree with them. That is one strategy. Another attacks the life style even more directly. I tell them, 'You can be cured in fourteen days if you follow this prescription. Try to think every day how you can please someone.' Imagine that this means to them. They are usually occupied with the thought, 'How can I worry someone?'
引自 The Individual and Society
The anwsers are very interesting. Some say, 'This will be very easy for me. I have done it all my life.'
引自 The Individual and Society
They have never done lt, of course. I ask them to think it over. They do not think it over. I tell them, 'You can make use of all the time you spend when you are unable to go to sleep by thinking how you can please someone, and your health will improve dramatically.' When I see them the next day, I ask them, 'Did you think over what I suggested?'
引自 The Individual and Society
They answer, 'Last night I went to sleep as soon as I got into bed.' All this must be done, of course, in a modest, friendly manner, without a hint of superiority.
引自 The Individual and Society
Others will answer, 'I could never do it. I am so worried.'
引自 The Individual and Society
I tell them, 'Don't stop worrying; but at the same time you can think, now and then, of others.' I want to redirect their interest towards other people.
引自 The Individual and Society
Many say, 'Why should I please others? Others don't try to please me.'
引自 The Individual and Society
You must think of your health', I answer. 'The others will suffer latter on.' Only rarely do patients reply, 'I have thought over what you suggested.' All my efforts are devoted towards increasing the social interest of the patients. I know that the real reason for their malady is their lack of co-operation and I want them to see it too. As soon as they can relate to their follow human beings on an equal and co-operative footing, they are cured.
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第211页 The Individual and Society

Lucia (Passionately Curious)

Self-interest: What we must take issue with is the attitude of people who are motivated only by self-interest. This attidude is the greatest conceivable obstacle to individual and collective progress. It is only through our interest in our fellow human beings that any of our human capabilities develop. To speak, to read and to write all presuppose a bond with other people. Language itself is co...
2017-12-23 06:21

Self-interest:
What we must take issue with is the attitude of people who are motivated only by self-interest. This attidude is the greatest conceivable obstacle to individual and collective progress. It is only through our interest in our fellow human beings that any of our human capabilities develop. To speak, to read and to write all presuppose a bond with other people. Language itself is common to all humankind; it is a product of social interest. Understanding is a matter of sharing, not a private function. To understand means to comprehend in a way that we expect everybody else to share. It is to connect ourselves through a shared medium with other people, to submit to the common experience of all humanity.
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回应 2017-12-23 06:21