Bossypants

// 就突然不想减肥了呢kkk...

对女性自我认知的思考，是否该更多关注个人所能创造的价值，而不是依附于自身在异性眼中的样貌。

（again, 书是电子版页码是乱写的）

(From "Growing Up and Liking It")

(From "All Girls Must Be Everything")

(From "All Girls Must Be Everything")

That’s when I realized I had old parents. I’ve been worried about them ever since. When I was writing the movie Mean Girls —which hopefully is playing on TBS right now!— My whole setup was still factory-new. Pap smear. fivehead nasal labial folds “bad nail beds” a classic button nose Jodie Foster’s name was always in there four times. because I would move my right arm in unison with my right leg, like a Frankenstein. My blood started to boil as he continued. and a face as Irish as a scone, a straight kid who was cute but kind of a wang. “Here’s a toast to being free of other people’s expectations,” as an adult I realize this girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying “like” all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster. How can I give her what Don Fey gave me? The gift of anxiety. The fear of getting in trouble. The knowledge that while you are loved, you are not above the law. If you told Don Fey that you never go to Burger King, only McDonald’s, because you “grew up with the Hamburglar,” dry humping, was listening to a lot of Van Morrison at the time, because I was also very deep. I hope she turns out to have a cavernous vagina.” They share plastic containers of pale Slavic food that you know is buttery and delicious. It’s just potatoes, rice, meat, and cabbage in an endless series of combinations. I wore the electric blue polyester Hillary Clinton power suit that my roommate and I shared for such occasions. The and making us eat dirt?! “Voulez vous couchez avec moi?” Our only power over them was that we had to “buzz them in” to the front desk area, and sometimes Donna and I would buzz it too short so they’d push on the door and it was already locked again. The small joys. What was happening to my moral compass? And many of the world’s greatest discoveries have been by accident. I mean, look at the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, or Botox. Chicago-style sketch comedy! The Eyes Are the Windows to Where the Soul Is Supposed to Be “I’m pretty sure this next step is wrong, but I’m just gonna do it anyway” is part of the same set of instincts that makes me such a great cook. I know because my mom has been politely asking me to “maybe spend an hour going through those boxes” for over twenty years now. “Don’t wear what fashion designers tell you to wear. Wear what they wear.” here’s a clue: The letters from their names are sprinkled randomly through this chapter. Schmitt’s Gay and Colon Blow. I wish I wrote either of those, but I didn’t. (I did write Mom Jeans, Annuale, and Excedrin for Racial Tension Headaches, if that helps.) unfiltered natural daylight is the enemy of dreams. When she is done, you look like you have lips! Not crazy overdrawn grandma lips like you would do, but God-given lips. Just murmur, “Hip-hop,” or make up the name of a hipster-sounding band and then act superior when they’ve never heard of it. “Do you guys have any Asphalt of Pinking?" +disappointed+ "Really?" [shrug] Whatever you want, then.” Wendy’s hamburger. “Do they not have the vegetable tartlets? Bummer!” in a passive-aggressive tone that means “Somebody “Do they not have the vegetable tartlets? Bummer!” P.S. You know who does have a funny bone in her body? Your mom every night for a dollar. I grew up watching Seinfeld, Johnny Carson, Late Night with David Letterman, and reruns of The Mothers-in-Law. which usually boils down to his saying: I lost my cool Q: Is Alec Baldwin really leaving show business? A: I don’t know, but we do have a contingency plan: a slightly out of focus Billy Baldwin. am actually able to convey sweaty palms over the phone. I’d already been made to stand next to Jennifer Aniston and Salma Hayek on camera in my life; a gal can only take so much. On an intellectual level, this doesn’t bother me at all. On a human level, I would prefer to be liked. and spinning until barfing would later be referred to as “the Paris Hilton.”) **NOTE** Inexcusable. adj. 无法辩解的；难以原谅的，不可宽恕的 instill vt. <美>逐渐使某人获得（某种可取的品质），逐步灌输; carnivore 食肉动物，食虫植物( carnivore的名词复数 ); “orophasmia,” bi-curious. Bejeezus: you scared the bejeezus out of Mel Gibson navel. n. 【解剖学】(肚)脐；中心(点)，正中 cavernous adj. 似巨穴的；洞穴状的；凹状的；瓮声的 BO: body odor Zelig n. 齐利格（男子名）；变色龙（电影名） Tattletale n. 告密者；搬弄是非的人；闲谈者 Asshat 大傻冒 jerky adj. 抽筋的；急动的；不平稳的 n. 牛肉干 cuticles n. [生物] 角质层；[解剖] 表皮（cuticle的复数形式） syndication. n. 企业联合组织；辛迪加组织 Uh-oh. int. 噢喔（表示遇到难题或关注） cult n. 祭仪（尤其指宗教上的）；礼拜；狂热信徒 stipulated adj. 规定的 v. 规定；保证（stipulate的过去分词形式） batshit 精神极其错乱 蛮横不讲道理 hilt n. 刀把，柄 n. (Hilt)人名；(德、挪、罗)希尔特 cankles 粗的脚踝