After the honeymoon. The very words carry a burden of sadness, as if for a short while we lived in a golden trance of love, and now weve been jolted awake. Immediately comes the thought, Oh no Is this the person Im supposed to spend the rest of my life with? When choosing a partner, we are choosing, along with that person, a particular set of problems that we will be grappling with for the next ten, twenty, or even fifty years. Dan Wile shows how to take advantage of the inevitable problems that occur in a relationship to deepen the sense of connection. Most of these problems result from feelings we are unable to express and conversations we are unable to have. We become angry because we are unable to confide feeling hurt. We become defensive because we are unable to confide feeling threatened. We become uncompromising because of the hidden compromises we are already making. Exposing these undercurrents can turn fights into intimate conversations.
2 有用 untamedheart 2020-01-16 15:16:31
合作专家推荐的书，Berkeley 本地的夫妻关系治疗师。并不习惯有大量对话和案例的文体，但的确很有洞见，写的调子倒是很嘲讽。非常mindshifting, 比如什么是亲密，就是把你脑子里真正的感受告诉对方，也听对方真正的感受。所谓伴侣，就是我们找到的一整套无法解决的问题集合体，争吵幻想矛盾统统都是好事情，他们本身是问题，也是解决途径。但我自己的一个aha moment是，在一切观点和方法之前的，... 合作专家推荐的书，Berkeley 本地的夫妻关系治疗师。并不习惯有大量对话和案例的文体，但的确很有洞见，写的调子倒是很嘲讽。非常mindshifting, 比如什么是亲密，就是把你脑子里真正的感受告诉对方，也听对方真正的感受。所谓伴侣，就是我们找到的一整套无法解决的问题集合体，争吵幻想矛盾统统都是好事情，他们本身是问题，也是解决途径。但我自己的一个aha moment是，在一切观点和方法之前的，是两个人得从关系里跳出来，共同把关系当作一个object去理解和改善，方向一致同心协力。而不是无意识的关系里互相指责，解决的目标是对方。 (展开)