Romantic feelings come from an idealization of the other person. In our heads, we believe our beloved is perfect and experience all sorts of strong feelings, such as intense longings to be with him, admiration, and sexual desires. This idealization can be caused by several things, both healthy and unhealthy.
1. In a new relationship, you don't know much about the other person. Idealization fills in the gaps with good things in order to keep the couple involved in the relationship, and helps them tolerate the early parts of the developing connection.
2. In a mature relationship, romantic idealization waxes and wanes through the connection at various times. It arises out of a deep appreciation and gratitude for the person's presence and love, yet it retains the reality of who he is at the same time.
3. In a struggling relationship, one person can develop romantic feelings for the other out of his own neediness. This neediness becomes "romanticized," that is, it disguises its true nature in romance. The person feels alive, driven, and motivated to be with the other. Yet the need is generally caused by some emptiness inside. 引自 Don't Ruin a Friendship Out of Loneliness
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