Opportunity Doesn't Always Knock

只要我做得好，就应该得到认可，没有认可说明我做得还不够好，因为世界是公平的：
In women's perception, their circumstances are more fixed and absolute—less negotiable—than they really are. It also highlights the assumption made by many women that someone or something else is in control. This assumption has a broad impact on women’s behaviour. 
Instead of looking for ways to improve a difficult situation, women often assume that they are “stuck” with their circumstances. Instead of publicizing their accomplishments, they hope that hard work alone will earn them the recognition and rewards they deserve. Instead of expressing interest in new opportunities as they arise, they bide their time, assuming that they will be invited to participate if their participation is wanted. They think any allowable divergences from the status quo will be announced and offered to everyone. Women expect life to be fair, and despite often dramatic evidence to the contrary, many of them persist in believing that it will be. 
Stephanie, 32, an administrative assistant, illustrates how this belief can play out in a woman’s life. Stephanie told us that she tends to think that “things will just happen and if they don’t there’s a reason why they don’t.” Because of this attitude, she was unhappy with certain aspects of her job for some time but never approached her supervisor to see if changes could be made. Finally, Stephanie received another job offer. When she announced that she was leaving, her supervisor asked what it would take to keep her. After her supervisor made every change Stephanie wanted, she decided to stay. When we asked why she hadn’t told her supervisor sooner what was bothering her, Stephanie said, “I tend to think people are pretty fair, so maybe I’m too trusting and expect that I’m getting what I deserve in that I work really hard." 
During our interviews, we found women recounting story after story of not realizing what could be changed by asking—a problem that can arise early and persist well into old age. Amanda, 23, a management consultant, seem to be a very self-possessed and confident young woman. Interested in math and science, she studied engineering in college and was offered an excellent consulting job as soon as she graduated. By her own description, she has always been less like her mother and more like her father, who taught her to be focused and direct, and to go after what she wants. She said of herself “I don’t like non-action.” Nonetheless, as a child she assumed that her parents wouldn't let her do all sorts of things—such as going away to camp, or taking trips with friends—that they permitted her younger brother to do. She isn’t sure why she made these assumptions, and when as an adult she asked her parents about the different things that they allowed her brother to do, they were surprised. “You never asked us,” they said, adding that it would have been fine with them for her to do the things she mentioned. 
Another time, a woman student asked Linda why she’d given a male student permission to use department resources to print up business cards and had not offered the same opportunity to her. Once again, the answer was the same: The male student had asked; the woman hadn’t. Once she did ask, Linda readily approved her request.  
Christine, a 30-year-old investment banker from Columbus, Ohio, noticed after six months at her first job that she was doing very well, and far better than a man who had started at the same time. She was therefore surprised a few months later when the man was promoted before she was. Mystified, she asked her supervisor why someone whose performance was inferior had been promoted sooner. The answer taught her what she felt was a crucial lesson: The man had spoken up and asked for the promotion, while she had waited for her good work to be noticed and rewarded. Even though by all objective criteria she probably deserved the promotion more (and would do better work for the company in the higher-level job), he was promoted because he asked—and she wasn’t because she didn’t ask. Her expectation, she reported, was, “I’m doing my job, I’m working hard, so they should recognize that and move me along.” Because she assumed that only her supervisors could exercise control over the progress of her career, she failed to realize that an opportunity for constructive action was passing her by 
Liz, 45, a senior analysts at an influential government agency, had always been one of the hardest-working people in her department. For several years, she had been producing high-visibility work and powerful policy makers frequently asked for her by name to brief them. Nonetheless, she found herself waiting and waiting for a promotion she believed she deserved, but never asked for. Eventually, she grew tired of waiting and put out feelers for another job. She was quickly offered a position that would net $10k more per year than she was currently grossing. Before she quit, she mentioned the situation to her father. He insisted that she tell her current boss about the other offer first. Her boss immediately gave her the promotion she had wanted and a substantial raise. Liz’s mistake had been in believing that a promotion was something her boss controlled and would give her as soon as he decided she’d earned it—not something over which she could exert any influence. She didn’t understand that what she wanted was something for which she could ask.
为什么生活就不能好好地公平分配呢？
Louise, 37, a high-ranking power company executive, routinely negotiates deals worth millions of dollars. But when it comes to her own compensation, she would rather be given what she deserves and spared the necessity of asking for it. In a well-managed company, she believes, senior management should recognize everyone’s individual contributions and give them what they’re worth. “They ought to just deal with those inequities,” she said. “And it shouldn’t be always on the employee to ask.” 
Likewise, even though Christine learned early that she needs to promote her own interest on the job, she persists in feeling that when an industry is moving ahead and pay levels re increasing, valuable employees shouldn’t be forced to ask for their salaries to be adjusted accordingly. “My own feeling,” she said, “was and still is that if you’re doing superior work you should be identified, and your salary should be identified by what the market will bear. I think it’s up to the people that you work for, whether it’s HR or your management, to identify that and keep current with what’s in the industry."
Ben, 42, president of a financial management company, said his parents drummed into him as a kid that the most important thing was to do his best. When he first started out in business, he thought that would be enough. He assumed that his good work would bring him al the advantages and opportunities he deserved. But in the competitive world in which he moved, he quickly realized that he couldn’t wait for people to recognize his ability. He had to “hustle,” sell himself, collar the attention fo clients he desired, advertise his achievements and good ideas, and ask for the plum assignments and advantageous postings he knew would propel him forward. Initially, like many women, he dreaded asking for what he wanted because he feared rejection. But he forced himself to do it; in fact, he discovered that most people were grateful to know what he wanted. His bosses, colleagues, and clients regarded knowledge of his desires as useful and important information. They often couldn’t give him what he wanted, but when the resources were available and they agreed that his requests made good business sense, they tried to accommodate him. Women’s greater reluctance to ask for what they want often prevents them from learning this lesson—or means that they learn it more slowly. 
Lotus of control:
Why are men more likely than women to take the chance of asking for something they want, even when there’s no obvious evidence that the change they want is possible? A group of psychologists had identified an interesting gender difference that helps answer this question. Using something called a “lotus of control” scale, these researchers measure the extent to which individuals believe that their behaviour influences their circumstances. The lower people score on the scale, the more they perceive their fate to be influenced by internal rather than external factors.