马扬芝中译本观察31则
恰好这本书在2017年自己无聊翻译过,给学生上课用。
与2021年出版的马扬芝译本几处对比如下——
【凡例: ==章节名==(加粗) (页码),本书(马扬芝中译本)的页码位置。正文之前的页码後有a。无页码者与上一条同页。 马译、Mann英译本原文、本人译文三重对照。 {花括号}中的内容系本人按语。】
==英译者序==
(11a) 马:……也都反映了三维思维的兴起。中世纪作曲家在经文歌……
{「兴起」之後未分段?} 原文:...the rise of three-dimensional thought. ¶The medieval composer...(之後分段)
(12a) 马:……就好像百花争鸣才能春色满园”。
{「百花争鸣」一词未曾听说过,疑为「双百方针」之「百花齐放」和「百家争鸣」的杂糅?} 原文:...diversity of flowers...
(13a) 马:在对时代界限的新意识中,使音乐服从于比例法则及其相互关系显得很明显。{意味不明}
原文:The conquest of a vantage point from which to subject music to the laws of proportion and correlation seems evident also in a new awareness of the distance of time. 拙译:「使音乐服从比例法则」——征服这一制高点,也是在对时间的新认识中发现的。
马:但这直到拉莫对和声进行了新的阐述,并将“和声”与“对位”分别归类后才最终得以实现;而后者,则需解析对位学习,长久以来理论家们一直试图建立一种教学方法,而这种教授的过程毋庸置疑地受到历史观点的限制。{意味不明}
原文:...until the writings of Jean Philippe Rameau, whose new interpretation of harmony led to the categorical distinction between "harmony" and "counterpoint." The other demanded the codification of the study of counterpoint, the establishment of a teaching method for which theorists had long groped and by which the didactic process was unequivocally subjected to historical perspective. 拙译:它直到让·菲利普·拉莫(Jean Philippe Rameau)的著作重新阐释了和声学,使“和声学”和“对位法”彻底分立时才建立。对旧理论则需要系统梳理对位法的研究,在理论家长期摸索、历史上一贯受制于口传心授的基础上,建立一套教学方法。
(14a) 马:……继续下去而对当代漠不关心。”然而,福克斯却深深……
{後引号过早出现,导致Fux...之後误置於引号外?} 原文:"...predecessors without considering contemporary practice. Fux, however, was fully aware... "
(15a) 马:……也不是投机式的理论。他的影响力在于他的研究是以一位实践音乐家的身份为基础的。
原文:...neither scholarly nor speculative theory. We can understand his influence as an author only on the basis of the authority he commanded as a practicing musician. 拙译:……也不关心思辨性的理论。我们只能从他以实践音乐家身份博得的权威,来理解他著作的影响力。
(16a) 马:帕德雷·马蒂尼(Padre Martini)的指导……
{马蒂尼神父?(1706–1784)。其实马译本第3页注释里自己就提到了这个人。} 原文:...he received from Padre Martini (1770).
==原作者序==
(21a) 马:……但是就音乐写作的训练而言,他们涉及太少了,这其中的原因令人费解。
原文:...but on the practice of writing music they have said very little, and this little is not easily understood. 拙译:然而相对难懂的实用作曲法,却鲜有论述。
马:但愿我这么说不会被那些激进的怀恨在心者或是这种时代的腐败堕落者所责难。{of school?}
原文:I shall not be deterred by the most ardent haters of school, nor by the corruptness of the times. 拙译:而我不为学院的敌对、时日的堕落所慑。
马:所谓对症下药,健康之人是不需要药方的。{似乎并无“对症下药”意?}然而,我并不企图逆流而上,也无心为自己歌功颂德——我不相信凭一己之力就可以使正在脱缰狂奔的作曲家们回转到这种标准化的写作中。{歌功颂德?本书的多句插入语都被译者马扬芝切断理解}
原文:Medicine is given to the sick, and not to those who are in good health. However, my efforts do not tend - nor do I credit myself with the strength - to stem the course of a torrent rushing precipitously beyond its bounds. 拙译:医学救治的是病人,不是健康人;但我不打算、也自觉没有能力遏制那些失控的险峻洪流。
马:……而无法实现自己的雄心壮志,只能郁郁寡欢不得志。{郁郁寡欢?}
原文:...they cannot realize their ambition, but remain, as it were, forever desperately athirst. 拙译:他们无法实现自己的抱负,只是和以往一样求知若渴。
(22a) 马:……因为我并没有资格来讨论拉丁语的用法,只是这样才有一种回到“家”的感觉,好像漂流在外的航海家最终回到陆地。
原文:...for I lay no claim to Latinity other than that of a voyager returning to a land he once called home. 拙译:我的拉丁文水平也不过是还乡的旅人。{不是很确定意思}
==第一部分 二声部==
(16) 马:……但这样的话这个五度就脱离了自然音体系,就不再属于任何自然调式了。我们现在就可以来看看这个问题,至于移调,我们之后会专门谈到。
{插入语被切断理解,脱离语境} 原文:...it would no longer pertain to any of the natural modes - with which we shall now deal exclusively - but to a transposed mode, which will be discussed separately elsewhere. 拙译:A:可以倒是可以,但是这时五度音就脱离了自然音阶,不再属于任何自然音调式(目前我们只讨论自然音调式),而是属于移调调式,我们以后会讨论。
(17) 马:……,你肯定还没听过这句名言:
原文:Certainly you have often heard the well known [sic] verse: 拙译:这句诗文你一定耳熟能详:
(21) 马:略。
{原书多次出现nota bene的缩写N.B.。马扬芝中译本各处均不翻译,直照抄作N.B.} 原文:What does the N.B. indicate...
(48) 马:这些窍门我会进一步向你介绍,因为它们会为对位带来极大的魅力。
{recommend: 推荐,建议,托付,劝告} 原文:This expedient I should like to recommend to you further, since it brings about the greatest beauty in counterpoint. 拙译:我会一如既往地建议你用这一招,因为它是对位法中最美的所在。
马:……在您这里做?还是带回家里做?
{中译者马代入了中国式师徒上课场景的想象,即学生往往去老师家里上课。} 原文:Shall I work out the remaining modes in your presence, or by myself?
(50) 马:现在,我们已经完成了以固定旋律写作双声部对位的练习。{双声部?译本各处均作“二声部”}感谢上帝带领我们完成了前五类对位的学习。{又一例插入语被切断理解。for which引导的内容显然修饰全句}
原文:Now, we have completed the exercises in two part counterpoint upon a cantus firmus, having gone through all five species - for which we should be duly thankful to God. 拙译:感谢上帝,目前我们已经练习过五类的二声部定旋律对位。
==第二部分 三声部==
(53n) 马:比较……
{全书所有cf.都翻译成了「比较」。}
原文:Cf. p. 112. cf. = confer = 见,参照,对照
(55) 马:我们先把这个和弦配置为六度:
原文:Let us first take this chord with the sixth: 拙译:我们先看一下这个带有六度音的和弦:
(57) 马:J:请不要因为我刚才质疑您为什么一开始让声部间相距那么远而厌恶我。我是觉得应该还有别的方式。{不甚通顺?} A:我完全不介意……为了使其他声部可以在反向进行中获得移动的空间……{不通顺?}
原文:Joseph.——Please do not resent it if I ask why you began the example you gave me a little while ago with the voices so far apart. I think it could also have been done otherwise. Aloys.——I don't mind at all; on the contrary, I am delighted by your eagerness to learn. Haven't you noticed that in this example the bass ascends consistently stepwise? In order to allow enough space for the voices to move toward each other by contrary motion, the upper voices had at the beginning to be thus distant from the bass. ... 拙译:J:请不要介意我的提问——为什么您给我的第一个例子的开头,各声部离得很远?似乎不这样也可以? A:你问得很好,我不介意,反而赞赏你的求知欲。你是否注意到,该例的低声部在持续上行?为了给各声部反向进行留出足够靠拢的空间,上声部不得不从很高的地方开始。
(58) 马:……这样的进行是很糟糕的,不是因为它从不完全协和进行到了完全协和——这里的情况更不妙——因为这个五度不是纯五度而是减五度。
原文:From this it is clear that if the bass is taken out the progression is obviously bad, not 'only' because it moves, so to speak, from an imperfect consonance to a perfect one, but - and this is worse - because this fifth is not even perfect, but diminished. 拙译:这就可以清楚看出,去掉低音声部之后,进行明显是不良的:不单是因为从不完全协和到了完全协和,还因为这个五度不是纯五度,而是减五度。
(68) 马:我觉得在固定旋律有所限制的情况下,剩下的几个调式都写得还行。
原文:Joseph.—— These examples in the remaining modes are worked out as well, I think, as the limitation of the cantus firmus allows. {中译者马可能混淆了 to work out (受事型自他动词短语,即所谓「作格动词(短语)」)= 被证明切实可行,成功。 to be worked out = 被制订出,被算出,被完成} 拙译:J:剩余的调式也算练习过了吧,毕竟定旋律只有这么多。
(74) 马:有了这些训练,到可以摆脱固定旋律限制的时候,就好像一个人终于被拿掉了脚镣,可以自由驰骋一般,得心应手地享受自由写作的乐趣。
原文:With this training, later on, when the restraints of the cantus firmus are removed, and he is, so to speak, released from his fetters, he will find to his joy that he can write free composition almost as if it were play. 拙译:坚持练习,日后去掉了定旋律的约束,学生便摆脱了枷锁,在自由创作中如鱼得水。 {并无大碍,只是对比一下61字和37字的一长一短两种译案}
(83) 马:如果我之前说切分音中的第一个音必须是协和的,那是当低音按小节进行变换的情况下,并不是指当低音是持续音时——就像它一直被称为的——“位置保持不变”。
{意味不明?按这个意思,连起来马译似乎在说「被称为“位置保持不变”」}
原文:...that applies only to the instances in which the lower voice moves from bar to bar, but not to the instances in which the bass remains on a pedal point - as it is usually called - that is, in the same position. 拙译:我是说过被延留的音必须是协和音,但那只适用于低声部不断运动的情况,而不适于保持不动的低音——又称“持续音”。
==第三部分 四声部==
(95) 马:(章题)四声部作品与四声部写作
原文:Four Part Composition or Writing in Four Voices {composition 应是动名词;且or意为「即」,并不是and} 拙译:四声部写作
(100) 马:A: 是的,因为我们要受到固定旋律的限制,这些例子作为练习也'无法做到更好'了。
原文:A: It is true; since one is restricted to the use of the cantus firmus, these examples, written as exercises, cannot be better. 拙译:A:没错。因为有必须使用定旋律的限制,所以这些练习的例子'已经再好不过'了。
(102) 马:这些练习无论写得多好,都还是要受制于固定旋律,没有灵活度,也就无法严格地按照声部运动与进行的规则来写作——而这些在自由创作中是很容易做到的。
{意味不明}
原文:However well these examples are written the 'inflexibility' of the cantus firmus will not allow such a composition to be worked out strictly according to the rules of motion and progression - which could be done easily in free composition. 拙译:无论这些例子写得有多好,严格遵循声部运动规则的写作中,定旋律的限制都会使灵活性无法发挥——这在自由作曲中是容易发挥的。
(123) 马:但是你会注意到哪里才具备严格遵照规则的条件。
{似乎看漏了先行词that,直接把where当先行词了}
原文:However, you will notice 'that' where there was an opportunity the rule was strictly observed. 拙译:不过你会看到,只要情况允许,一定是严格遵守法则的。
(124) 马:亲爱的老师,看上去您已经在做总结了。
{end = 总结?}
原文:Joseph.—— It seems, venerated master, that you want to put an end to the work. 拙译:尊敬的大师,貌似你要为这一课程告一段落了。
马:另外,我已步入暮年,健康每况愈下,在过去的六个月中持续受到疾病的攻击,这次恐怕难逃一劫了。
原文:Besides, you know that because of my age and my almost ceaseless ill-health I have already become so weak that if the malady attacks me with its usual violence and lasts, as it generally does, six months, I have every reason to fear that this time I cannot escape. 拙译:况且你知道,年迈多病的我,若像往常一样再经历一次六个月的病痛,这次我深感在劫难逃。
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拙译全文35005字。
马译版权页标示137300字。(当然版面字数往往大于真实字数)