蒲隆译《约翰生传》译文指谬
原本挺期待的,以为是精品译作。直到对照着原文读了献词、三篇弁言以及正文前几页后,才发现译文基本上隔几句就有错。当我读到这句译文“你有着把各种一致的意见(agreements)增添到世界上最一致的问题(agreeable subject)上的艺术技巧,那就是文学史”的时候,我真的觉得我们还可以期待一部更好的约翰生传译本。下面仅将所读这几页译文中的主要错误罗列如下:
一、献辞
1.【原文】:If there be a pleasure in celebrating the distinguished merit of a contemporary, mixed with a certain degree of vanity not altogether inexcusable, in appearing fully sensible of it, where can I find one, in complimenting whom I can with more general approbation gratify those feelings?
【译文】:如果在颂扬一位同时代人的卓越功绩时有一种乐趣,还夹杂着并不是完全不可原谅的一定程度的虚荣,看样子充分意识到这一点后,在哪里能够找到一个人,在赞扬他时,我能得到更加普遍的认可来满足这些感情呢?
评析:原文主体结构是a certain degree of vanity...in appearing fully sensible of it,大概意思是说,赞扬别人的merit,也就可以表明自己有能力充分看到、认识到别人的merit,可以让自己显得善于慧眼识珠,这样就带有一种“显摆”性质的vanity。译文中的“看样子充分意识到这一点后”完全不知所云。最后一小句,原文的意思是,哪里还能找到一个人,可以让我拿来赞美,满足我的pleasure和vanity,而这样的赞美又能获得更加普遍的认可?简单柔和一下,就是,哪里还能找到一个人,可以让我更加广受认同地拿来赞美,以此满足我的pleasure和vanity。所以,原文并不是在说,我能得到更加普遍的认可,从而来满足这些感情(feelings可能要翻译为“情感”吧?)。而是在说,我通过赞美此人能满足这些感情,而这种赞美本身又能得到更加普遍的认可。
2.【原文】:Your equal and placid temper
【译文】:您公正平和的脾气。
【评析】:望文生义,没查词典。equal在陆谷孙英汉大词典里面有释义,“平静的”,with equal mind
3.【原文】:If a man may indulge an honest pride, in having it known to the world, that he has been thought worthy of particular attention by a person of the first eminence in the age in which he lived, whose company has been universally courted, I am justified in availing myself of the usual privilege of a Dedication, when I mention that there has been a long and uninterrupted friendship between us.
【译文】:如果一个人可以放纵一种正当的自豪让世人知道,有一位当世俊彦,人们趋之若鹜,汲汲与其交往,而他却被人认为值得这位俊彦的特别眷注,那么,当我提到我们之间有一种长久而不曾间断的友谊时,我利用一次题献的惯常特权,也就名正而言顺了。
【评析】:indulge这里感觉是“抱有”“怀有”的意思,而不是直白的“放纵”。后面一句,感觉不是在说他却被“其他人”认为值得这位俊彦的特别眷注,而是在说他却被“这位俊彦本人”认为值得特别眷注,这样的话逻辑也就对了。因为既然有其他人都这样认为了,他何必还要广而告之,让世人再知道一遍。最后一句,应该是在说,我借着献词通常赋予作者的特权,提一句我跟他有一种长久不断的友谊,也是无可厚非的。也就是说,在一篇献词里作者通常有“特权”提一下与献词对象存在的友谊。感觉译者没有把这层意思翻译到位。
后面只挑选列一些典型错译:
二、初版弁言
4.【原文】:In reflecting that the illustrious subject of this Work, by being more extensively and intimately known, however elevated before, has risen in the veneration and love of mankind, I feel a satisfaction beyond what fame can afford.
译文:回想起来,这部作品杰出的主人公由于被人了解得更加广泛、更加深入,无论以前受人们多么高的崇敬与热爱,我感受到的一种满足却是声名无法提供的。
评析:原文的意思是,无论他以前有多么崇高,现在因为我的传记而让他被人了解得更加广泛、更加深入,从而使他获得了世人更高的崇敬和热爱,我一想到这,就会感到一种远非名气能够带来的满足。
三、正文
5.【原文】:There is, in the British Museum, a letter from Bishop Warburton to Dr. Birch, on the subject of biography; which, though I am aware it may expose me to a charge of artfully raising the value of my own work, by contrasting it with that of which I have spoken, is so well conceived and expressed, that I cannot refrain from here inserting it:
译文:大英博物馆收藏着一封沃伯顿主教致伯奇博士的关于传记题材的信;虽然我觉得该信也许使我面临着一项指控,说我这是拐弯抹角地提升自己作品的价值,因为它把拙作与我谈到的那部作品的价值做了比对,但它构思巧妙,表达得体,我忍不住要把它安插在这里:
评析:我读了后文中的这封信,里面并没有把作者写的约翰生传与另一部约翰生传进行价值对比。原文的意思是,作者在此引用这封信,难免会让人指责,作者是在将自己的作品与另一部约翰生传进行对比,借此来抬高自己作品的价值。因为这封信里对比了两种类型的传记,难免让人觉得作者引用此信是在含沙射影,指桑骂槐。
6.【原文】:You are the only one, (and I speak it without a compliment) that by the vigour of your stile and sentiments, and the real importance of your materials, have the art, (which one would imagine no one could have missed,) of adding agreements to the most agreeable subject in the world, which is literary history.'
【译文】:你是唯一的一位,(我说此话毫无恭维之意)凭借生动的文笔,强烈的情感,以及你那些货真价实的资料,你有着把各种一致的意见增添到世界上最一致的问题上的艺术技巧(人们会以为这是谁也不会缺失的),那就是文学史。”
【评析】:首先no one could have missed,不是说“这是谁也不会缺失的”,而是说“你的这种艺术技巧是谁也不会看不出来的/注意不到的”。至于agreements(agreeable qualities)和agreeable,则是宜人的意思。原文的大致意思是,你有一种艺术技巧,能为文学史这一本就是世上最宜人的主题,增添更多的宜人魅力/风采。还有一个小问题,the real importance of your materials强调的不是材料的“真实性”,而是材料的“重要性”,因此,将之译为“货真价实”是不准确的。
7.【原文】:Instead of melting down my materials into one mass, and constantly speaking in my own person, by which I might have appeared to have more merit in the execution of the work, I have resolved to adopt and enlarge upon the excellent plan of Mr. Mason, in his Memoirs of Gray. Wherever narrative is necessary to explain, connect, and supply, I furnish it to the best of my abilities; but in the chronological series of Johnson's life, which I trace as distinctly as I can, year by year, I produce, wherever it is in my power, his own minutes, letters, or conversation
【译文】:我并没有把自己掌握的材料熔成一块铁板,喋喋不休地以自己的口气讲话,或许这么一来,我在完成这部作品的过程中会显得更有长处,而是决意采用并扩充梅森先生在他的《格雷生平回忆录》中的出色方案。但凡在叙述需要说明、关联和补充的地方,我都尽自己所能予以提供;不过都是按照约翰生生平的编年顺序——在这方面,我尽可能准确无误地逐年追踪——在自己力所能及的地方我总要提供他的笔记、书信或谈话
【评析】:首先merit应该不是“长处”的意思,而是功劳的意思。原文应该是在说,我如果一直用自己的口吻、视角来叙述,会过于凸显自己,显得自己在编制这部作品上有着更多的、更突出的功劳。后面Wherever narrative is necessary to explain, connect, and supply,是在说,但凡需要使用“叙述”来进行解释、衔接和补充的地方,我都会予以提供(叙述),而不是译文中的“但凡在叙述需要说明、关联和补充的地方”。 然后 but in the chronological series of Johnson's life这句和前面就没有多少关连了,因为作者用分号进行了区隔,以此来更好地凸显出分号前后部分的区别。原文的意思大概是:而在不需要以个人口吻叙述的地方,亦即约翰生的年谱(chronological series)中,我会提供他自己的笔记、书信或谈话。所以,并不是译文中所说的,前面的种种叙述“不过都是按照约翰生生平的编年顺序”。
8.【原文】:"Let me remember, (says Hale,) when I find myself inclined to pity a criminal, that there is likewise a pity due to the country." If we owe regard to the memory of the dead, there is yet more respect to be paid to knowledge, to virtue and to truth[100].'
【译文】:“让我记住,(黑尔说)当我发现自己对一名罪犯油然而生恻隐之心的时候,同样也有一种国家应受的恻隐之心。” 如果我们把关注归因于对逝者的怀念,倒是有更多要对知识、对德操、对真理表示的敬意。”
【评析】:这里的owe regard to应该是表示”敬意、尊敬’的意思,和后面的respect“敬意”对举。这也呼应了前面对罪犯的”恻隐之心“和对国家的“恻隐之心”的对比。也就是说,我们虽然要缅怀尊重死者(memory的翻译值得推敲),但别忘了,我们更应该尊重知识、德操、真理。
9.【原文】:That the conversation of a celebrated man, if his talents have been exerted in conversation, will best display his character, is, I trust, too well established in the judgment of mankind, to be at all shaken by a sneering observation of Mr. Mason, in his Memoirs of Mr. William Whitehead, in which there is literally no Life, but a mere dry narrative of facts. I do not think it was quite necessary to attempt a depreciation of what is universally esteemed, because it was not to be found in the immediate object of the ingenious writer's pen; for in truth, from a man so still and so tame, as to be contented to pass many years as the domestick companion of a superannuated lord and lady, conversation could no more be expected, than from a Chinese mandarin on a chimney-piece, or the fantastick figures on a gilt leather skreen.
【译文】:一位名人的谈话,如果他的才能表现在谈话里,将会最充分地展示他的人格,这种看法,我相信已经根深蒂固地确立在人类的判断中了,梅森先生在他的《威廉·怀特海德先生回忆录》中的讽刺挖苦是丝毫动摇不了的。在这部书中,实事求是地讲,没有生活行状,有的只不过是干巴巴的事实的陈述。【我认为试图贬抑受到普遍尊崇的东西没有多大必要,因为在这位机敏的作者笔路的直接走向中找不到它】;说实话,一个人如此安静,如此顺从,心甘情愿做一位年迈退休的爵爷和夫人的家庭友伴,大家一起过了很多年,从他那里期望值得记录的谈话,就像期待从一个壁炉面饰上的中国官员,或者镀金皮屏风上的一些怪诞人物处听到的谈话一样。
【评析】:in the immediate object of the ingenious writer's pen中的the immediate object应该是指这位机敏的作者(梅森先生)笔下的描写“对象”,也就是《威廉·怀特海德先生回忆录》中的威廉·怀特海德先生,而不是译文中的“作者笔路的直接走向”。后面的a man (so still and so tame)正好和object对应,指的正是怀特海德先生。还有,译文中这句话的因果关系不对,原文的意思应该是,我认为,对于这样一种广受推崇的看法,实在没有必要仅仅因为在这位机敏作家笔下的描写“对象”中得不到印证,就试图去贬抑它。其实,作者这里的意思是,他认为,梅森先生不能因为自己笔底下的人物不行,就硬去贬抑这种广受推崇的观点看法。
10.【原文】:To this may be added the sentiments of the very man whose life I am about to exhibit.
【译文】:除此之外,也许还要把我将要展示的传主的情思补充进去。
【评析】:望文生义。这里sentiments是意见、观点的意思,而非情思。这句话之后不就引用了约翰生的观点意见吗?另外,陆谷孙英汉大词典里面有这个释义。
11.【原文】:The account of Thuanus is with great propriety said by its authour to have been written, that it might lay open to posterity the private and familiar character of that man, cujus ingenium et candorem ex ipsius scriptis sunt olim semper miraturi, whose candour and genius will to the end of time be by his writings preserved in admiration.
【译文】:蒂安努斯事略按其作者的说法写得恰如其分,这样就可以给后代袒露其私密和率性的人格,cujus ingenium et candorem ex ipsius scriptis sunt olim semper miraturi,‘他的坦诚和天才将会因他的作品而流芳千古’。
【评析】:感觉“with great propriety”修饰的是said而非have been written,意思是蒂安努斯事略的作者“所说”的写作目标、目的是恰如其分的,是恰当的。而不是说这位作者“写得”恰如其分。至于the private and familiar character of that man,根本不是译文所说的”私密和率性的人格“。什么叫私密的人格呢?率性的人格呢?其实,private和familiar差不多都是私下、私密的意思,因此,这里所说的是,想要展现此人私底下的一面,不为大众所知、只有亲朋密友才知晓的一面。
12.【原文】:Of one thing I am certain, that considering how highly the small portion which we have of the table-talk and other anecdotes of our celebrated writers is valued, and how earnestly it is regretted that we have not more, I am justified in preserving rather too many of Johnson's sayings, than too few; especially as from the diversity of dispositions it cannot be known with certainty beforehand, whether what may seem trifling to some and perhaps to the collector himself, may not be most agreeable to many; and the greater number that an authour can please in any degree, the more pleasure does there arise to a benevolent mind.
【译文】:有一件事我可以肯定:那就是,考虑到我们掌握的我们的一些著名作家的席间闲谈和其他轶事的一小部分受到多高的评价,【我们又拿不出更多的,又招致了多么诚挚的遗憾】(病句),那么,我保留的约翰生的言谈太多,而不是太少,就显得理直气壮了;尤其因为编排纷繁、事先无法明确得知对有些人,或许对搜集者本人,可能显得琐细的东西,是否对于很多人或许不是最可意的;而一名作者在任何程度上能够愉悦的人数越多,对一颗仁爱之心飘然升起的快乐也就越多。
【评析】:highly valued中的value,是“珍视”的意思,不是“评价”的意思。the diversity of dispositions的意思是读者受众口味等多种多样,而不是“编排纷繁”(严重怀疑译者把这个词错看成了compositions)。正因为受众口味多种多样,因此,对有些人而言比较琐细无用的内容,说不准或许对很多人来说却是无比有趣/合乎口味的。译文中“是否对于很多人或许不是最可意的”始终感觉读上去意思是反的。
13.【原文】:JULIUS CÆSAR, of whom Bacon observes, that 'in his book of Apothegms which he collected, we see that he esteemed it more honour to make himself but a pair of tables, to take the wise and pithy words of others, than to have every word of his own to be made an apothegm or an oracle.'
【译文】:关于恺撒,培根有言:“在他集成的《格言集》里,我们看到他认为要给自己造一座丰碑,采用他人的至理名言比把自己的字字句句串成一句格言或一句谶语更加荣耀。”[插图]
【评析】:感觉原文的意思的,他认为把自己当成一对“记言板”(a pair of tables),记录别人的至理名言,比把自己的字字句句串成一句格言或一句谶语更加荣耀。当然,这里的every word应该本来就是“一整句”,意思是自己的每一句话,所以并不需要被串成一句。every word和an apothegm或an oracle是对等的。
忍不住又看了一点儿。算了,我还是直接读原文吧,这译文影响我对原文的理解。虽然能够看出译者是在很认真地翻译此书,也花了很多心力。不过,鉴于译文确实有些让我失望,我只能说,此书译文质量仅是中等,毕竟译者不能完全读懂约翰生传的原文。下面这段可是约翰生传真正的正文起首段啊,但方括号里面的内容却基本上都没有翻译正确或翻译到位。
原文: Samuel Johnson was born at Lichfield, in Staffordshire, on the 18th of September, N.S., 1709; and his initiation into the Christian Church was not delayed; for his baptism is recorded, in the register of St.Mary's parish in that city, to have been performed on the day of his birth. 【His father is there】 stiled Gentleman, 【a circumstance of which an ignorant panegyrist has praised him for not being proud】; when the truth is, 【that the appellation of Gentleman, though now lost in the indiscriminate assumption of Esquire, was commonly taken by those who could not boast of gentility.】
译文:塞缪尔·约翰生于新历1709年9月18日出生在斯塔福德郡的利奇菲尔德;他加入基督教会的仪式没有拖延;因为他的洗礼,【被记录在该市圣马利亚教区的登记簿上】(病句),是在他出生的当天施行的。他父亲【在那里】被称为“绅士”(Gentleman),【一名对这种情况蒙昧无知的颂扬者称赞他没有傲气】,实际情况是,【对绅士的使用,虽然现在已经淹没在乱称“先生”(Esquire)的潮流中了,但当时却被那些不能夸耀斯文上流的人普遍采用。】
【评析】:"there"应该不是指”那里“(一个地方),而是指上文中的register登记簿。我查了一下约翰生受洗的记录,原文是这样的 "Sept. 7. bapt. Sam. son of Mich. Johnson gent.",里面就有“gent.”。后面一句,译者应该没有读懂,原文proud的结构应该是 for not being proud of a circumstance (which),也就是说,那个无知之人所赞扬的是,他并不以父亲拥有绅士这样的高贵称谓(a circumstance)而自傲。但实际情况却是,当时绅士的称谓(appellation是“名称”“称号”的意思,不是“对绅士的使用”)通常只是被一些没有高贵出身可资夸耀的人拿来使用,因此也就不值得引以为傲。though now lost in the indiscriminate assumption of Esquire插在这里,应该是说,绅士这个称谓由于“先生”一词的滥用现如今已经没有份量了,但在过去还是会被人拿来装点门面的。这个译本中的译文根本就没有把上面这些逻辑关系理清楚。