faith

Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Recently I read this sentence quite a lot. And I hate to admit that it is damned true.

I read this book because I am interested in topics about searching. Especially the topic of a totally messed-up woman try to travel the world searching inner peace makes the book a really attraction for me. By the proverb Birds of a feather flock together, it can be easily inferred that I myself am searching for inner peace, and a little desperate.

The first part, the Eat part, is quite tedious given that I am not concerned at all. So I will jump to Pray and Love.

I can never imagine myself pray to something they call almighty god. What should I treat it? The absolute existence? Then how could some purely objective existence work on the real world （Presume that we do live in a real world instead of The Matrix things）? Or instead of this God thing I should pray to myself, just imagine prayer like: My dear self, I have come to you for salvation…. Well, I could feel the gooseflesh.
Sometimes I wish I were bornt to be one of those devout persons. By simply believing in God, pray to God (Whatever religion it is, Christian, Muslim, Buddhism etc), I could rest my soul calmly. Instead of current status, everyday lost in the vastness of life, not knowing what the destiny is and even doubt about whether destiny really exists at all. I would be an awful person in Bali, no location in the earth, not knowing where I am from, where I am going to and for what. There’s no balance at all for me.

Larry, from The Razor's Edge, mentioned about loafing. I feel that I can touch the loneliness of these searching heart with no where to go. I read a lot. And I know exactly how people of this type struggled. Trying to find answers in all kinds of books about philosophy, religions even science without an answer. Some turned to love and thought it would be a rescue which often turns out as illusion. And finally some set out traveling, try to figure it out by experiencing different life. Some lose hope, desperately die. Many of them just surrender and return to the established social path. I don’t know who really reach the truth they are searching. Liz, the writer of this book? I quite doubt it. Because I think the one really reach that would never bother to show up.

See, I am locked by my thoughts. I want to have faith, but can’t help to be suspicious about all this stuff. As a self-claimed rationalist, I need something reasonable to believe. And faith can’t be reasonable.

As for love, could people love with inner chaos all the time? I quite doubt that.

Anyway, after reading this book, I would like to give a try to meditation. Of course I will hold on and not let myself fall apart. Like the Guru said, never let yourself fall apart, it will become a habit.