山岄对《Lean In》的笔记(17)

But knowing that things could be worse should not stop us from trying to make them better. When the suffragetters marched in the streets, they envisioned a world where men and women would be truly equal. A century later, we are still squinting, trying to bring that vision into focus.

In addition to the external barriers erected by society, women are hindered by barriers that exist within ourselves. We hold ourselves back in ways both big and small, by lacking self-confidence, by not raising our hands, an by pulling back when we should be leaning in.

And while I believe that increasing the number of women in position of power is a necessary element of true equality, I do not believe that there is one definition of success or happiness. Not all women want careers. Not all women want children. Not all woman wnat both. I would never advocate that we should all have the same objectives. Many people are not interested in acquiring power, not because they lack ambition, but becasue they are living their lives as they desire. Some of the most important contributions to our world are made by caring for one person at a time. We each have to chart our own unique course and define which goals fit our lives,values and dreams.

The gender stereotypes introduced in childhood are reinforced throughtout our lives and become self-fulfilling prophesies. Most leadership positions are held by men, so women don't expect to achieve them, and that becomes one of the reasons they don't. The same is true with pay. Men generally earn more than women, so people expect women to earn less. And they do.

Women who participate in multiple roles actually have lower levels of anxiety and higher levels of mental well-being. Employed women reap rewards including greater financial security, more stable marriages, better health, and, in general, increased life satifaction. Fear is at the root of so many of the barriers that women face. Fear of not being liked. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of drawing negative attention. Fear of overreaching. Fear of being judged. Fear of failure. And the holy trinity of fear: the fear of being a bad mother/wife.daughter. Without fear, women can pursue professional success and personal fulfillment--and freely choose one, or the other, or both. So please ask yourself: What would I do if I weren't afraid? And then go do it.

Given how fast the world moves today,grabbing opportunities is more important than ever. Few managers have the time ot carefully consider all the applicants for a job,much less convince more reticent people to apply. ANd increasingly, opportunities are not well defined but, instead, come from someone jumping in to do something. That something then becomes his job. I said no to a lot of opportunities when I was just starting out because I thought"That's not what my degree is in or I don't know aobut that domain" In retrospect, at a certain point it's your ability to learn quickly and contribute quickly that matters. One of the things I tell people these days is that there is no perfect fit when you're looking for the next big thing to do. You have to take opportunities and make an opportunity fit for you, rather than the other way around. The ability to learn is the most important quality a leader can have.

Just as in real life, performance is highly dependent upon the reaction people have to one another. Most people, myself included, really want to be liked-and not just because it feels good. Being liked is also a key factor in both professional and personal success. A willingness to make an introduction or advocate for or promote someone depends upon having positive feelings about that person. We need to believe in her ability to do the job and get along with everyone while doing it. That's why, instinctively,many of us feel pressure to mute our accomplishments.

The goal of a successful negotiation is to achieve our objectives and continue to have people like us....women can increase their chances of achieving a desired outcome by doing two things in combination. First, women must come across as being nice, concerned about others and "appropriately" female. When women take a more instrumental approach(This is what I want and deserve), people react far more negatively. There is a saying,"Think globally, act locally" When negotiating, "Think personally, act communally," I have advised many women to preface negotiations by explaining that they know that women often get paid less than men so they are going to negotiate rather than accept the original offer。 By doing so, women position themselves as connected to a group and not just out for themselves; in effect, they are negotiating for all women. And as silly as it sounds, pronouns matter. Whenever possible, women should substitute "we" for "I." A woman's request will be better received if she asserts, "We had a great year" as opposed to "I had a great year." But a communal approach is not enough. According to Professor Bowles, the second thing women must do is provide a legitimate explanation for the negotiation. Men don't have to legitimize their negotiations; they are expected to look out for themselves. Women, however, have to justify their requests. One way of doing this is to suggest that someone more senior encouraged the negotiation("My manager suggested I talk with you about my compensation") or to cite industry standards("My understanding is that jobs that involve this level of responsibility are compensated in this range"). Still, every negotiation is unique, so women must adjust their approach accordingly.

We all want a job or role that truly excites and engages us. This search requires both focus and flexibility, so I recommend adopting two concurrent goals: a long-term dream and an eighteen-month plan. A long-term dream does not have to be realistic or even specific. It may reflect the desire to work in a particular field or to travel throughout the world. Maybe the dream is to have professional autonomy or a certain amount of free time. But even a vague goal can provide direction, a far-off guidepost to move toward.

First and most important, I set targets for what my team can accomplish. Employees who concentrate on results and impact are the most valuable. Second, I try to set more personal goals for learning new skills in the next eighteen months.If I am afraid to do something, it is usually because I am not good at it or perhaps am too scared even to try. Taking risks, choosing growth, challenging ourselves, and asking for promotions(with smiles on our faces, of course) are all important elements of managing a career. One of my favorite quotes comes from author Alice Walker, who observed,"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." Do not wait for power to be offered.