Watching the English

Satire is what the English have instead of revolutions and uprisings.We do everything in moderation, except moderation, which we take to ludicrous extremes. 笑倒~English are very much a verbal rather than a visual culture, considerably more note for our literature than for our art.We are a nation of insatiably curious curtain-twitchers, constantly frustrated by the draconian nature of our unwritten privacy rules. 这解释了英国的paparazzi和tabloid强盛的原因吧，有公众insatiable的需求才有源源不断的猛料供应嘛。Our modesty rules act as a counterbalance to our natural arrogance, just as our courtesy rules protect us from our aggressive tendencies.The “Oh, come off it” response to earnestness encapsulates a peculiarly English blend of armchair cynicism, ironic detachment, a squeamish distaste for sentimentality, a stubborn refusal to be duped or taken in by fine rhetoric, and a mischievous delight in pin-pricking the ballons of pomposity and self-importance.The Importance of Not Being Earnest rule forbids excessive enthusiasm for academic work. Pupils who actively enjoy studying or find a particular subject fascinating will carefully conceal their eagerness under a mask of feigned boredom and cynical detachment. 这….适用于地球上的每个学校吧==We don't like formality; we object to being dictated to by prissy little rules and regulations—but we lack the natural grace and social ease to cope with informality.The symptoms of the English social dis-ease involve opposite extremes: when we feel uncomfortable or embarrassed in social situations (that is, almost all the time), we become either over-polite, courteous and awkwardly restrained, or loud, loutish, violent and generally insufferable.There seems to be no in-between states, and certainly no happy medium.The English have 3 main methods of dealing with our social dis-ease, our incompetence in the field of social interaction:1.The “go home, shut the door, pull up the drawbridge” method. (DIY, gardening)2.The “ingenious use of props and facilitators” method. (pubs, clubs, sports)3.The “become loud and aggressive and obnoxious” method. (drunk, fights)An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one. The pub-argument allows men to achieve intimacy under the macho camouflage of competition.Mobile phones—particularly the ability to send short, frequent cheap text messages—restore our sense of connection and community, and provide an antidote to the pressures and alienation of modern life. They are a “social lifeline” in a fragmented and isolating world.The English would rather have their toast cool and dry than warm and damp. American toast lacks reserve and dignity: it's too sweaty and indiscreet and emotional. 哈哈，对Sam叔的冷嘲热讽~We may well be, as Orwell said, the most class-ridden country under the sun, but it’s safe to say that in no other coutry is social class so completely independent of meterial wealth.The English take pleasure in being shocked and outraged, and righteous indignation is one of our favorite national pastimes.Blessed are they who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.Tea is still believed, by English people of all classes, to have miraculous properties. A cup of tea can cure almost all minor physical ailments, from a headache to a scraped knee. Tea is also an essential remedy for all social and psychological ills, from a bruised ego to the trauma of a divorce or bereavement. Tea-making is the perfect displacement activity: whenever embarrassed in a social situation, they make tea. It’s a universal rule: when in doubt, put the kettle on.怪不得英国人对a nice cup of tea如此痴迷，包治百病啊…“I see it (the Church of England) as an elderly lady, who mutters away to herself in a corner, ignored most o the time.” --- Archbishop of Canterbury之前看到的一句话和这个有异曲同工之妙：“现在的英国国教仿佛成了一个巨大的玩具娃娃，在那里做礼拜的老太太好像在给这个娃娃穿上衣服，然后逗着玩一样。”

唧唧歪歪和多管闲事是最讨厌的，但背后八卦是健康的全民运动公平再重要不过。我降低自己，所以你也不能吹——English hypocrisy是集体行为意识到这些social disease的时候欢迎加入 “Come off it!”的行列。只要你也不把自己当回事，我们就欢迎你加入我们的让人难受的社交生活||当然"Come off it"这句话更经常是对自己说的..－－－摘：rules of sex 348，总结了前面各章的精髓Apres sex or, if we have fallen asleep, the next morning, we revert to the unual state of awkward Englishness. We say:' I'm terribly sorry, but I didn't quite catch your name...?''Would you mind very much if I borrowed a towel?''I'll just go and put the kettle on...'‘No! Monty! Put it down! We don't eat the nice lady's bra! What will she think of us? Drop it! Bad dog!’'Sorry it's a bitt burnt: the toaster's a bit temperamental, I'm afraid- doesn't like Mondays or something...''Oh, no, it's very nice. Ohh, yes - tea! Lovely, thank you!' (this delivered with at least as much enthusiasm as the cris de joie of the night before.)

OMG! In England, you have to be careful where do you shopping. Looking back, I did my shopping mostly in Waitrose (upper-middle, according to the author) and sometimes TESCO (closest to where I lived) and which is middle-class according to the author.And I regularly bought food at M&S food hall, underwear and plain white T-shirt. Of course I didn't buy sofa nor cushions nor curtains at M&S. Can this behavior class me into upper class? Stupid English!

Even when the final, final, final goodbyes have been said, and everyone is loaded into the car, a window is often wound down to allow a few more parting words. As the leavers drive off, hands may be held to ears with thumbs and little fingers extended in a phone shape, promising further communication. when the long-good-bye is over, we all heave an exhausted sigh of relief.