作者:
Mark Manson 出版社: HarperOne 副标题: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life 出版年: 2016-9-13 页数: 224 定价: USD 24.99 装帧: Hardcover ISBN: 9780062457714
In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.
For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with ...
In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.
For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected modern society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up.
Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek.
There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.
The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one's negative experience is itself a positive experience. (查看原文)
标题太有误导性了。Not giving a fuck指的是不要像别的美国人一样总要追求“feel-good”心态。 作者的意思是,不仅要give a fuck,还要figure out which things in your life really matter. 在我焦虑,彷徨,脆弱的时候,总有人在我耳边说,“认真你就输了”。 这种生活智慧好...
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I see life in the same terms. We all get dealt cards. Some of us get better cards than others. And while it's easy to get hung up on our cards, and feel we got screwed over, the real game lies in the choices we make with those cards, the risks we decide to take, and the consequences we choose to live with. People who consistently make the best choices in the situations they're given are the one...
2018-06-10 15:37:122人喜欢
I see life in the same terms. We all get dealt cards. Some of us get better cards than others. And while it's easy to get hung up on our cards, and feel we got screwed over, the real game lies in the choices we make with those cards, the risks we decide to take, and the consequences we choose to live with. People who consistently make the best choices in the situations they're given are the ones who eventually come out ahead in poker, just as in life. And it's not necessarily the people with the best cards.
I wanted the reward, not the struggle. I wanted the result, but not the process. I was in love with not the fight, only the victory. And life doesn't work that way. Who you are is defined by what you are willing to struggle for.
2021-08-21 07:25:291人喜欢
I wanted the reward, not the struggle. I wanted the result, but not the process. I was in love with not the fight, only the victory. And life doesn't work that way. Who you are is defined by what you are willing to struggle for.
……when a person has no problems, the mind automatically finds a way to invent some. I think what most people——especially educated, pampered middle-class white people——consider "life problems" are really just side effects of not having anything more important to worry about. It then follows that finding something important and meaningful in your life is perhaps the most productive use of y...
2021-04-07 21:09:191人喜欢
……when a person has no problems, the mind automatically finds a way to invent some. I think what most people——especially educated, pampered middle-class white people——consider "life problems" are really just side effects of not having anything more important to worry about.
It then follows that finding something important and meaningful in your life is perhaps the most productive use of your time and energy. Because if you don't find that meaningful something, your fucks will be given to meaningless and frivolous causes.引自第18页
Sure, the person who gets dealt great cards has a higher likelihood of winning the hand, but ultimately the winner is determined by—yup, you guessed it—the choices each player makes throughout play. We shouldn’t seek to find the ultimate “right” answer for ourselves, but rather, we should seek to chip away at the ways that we’re wrong today so that we can be a little less wrong tomorr...
2018-07-03 04:56:43
Sure, the person who gets dealt great cards has a higher likelihood of winning the hand, but ultimately the winner is determined by—yup, you guessed it—the choices each player makes throughout play.
We shouldn’t seek to find the ultimate “right” answer for ourselves, but rather, we should seek to chip away at the ways that we’re wrong today so that we can be a little less wrong tomorrow.
I say don’t find yourself. I say never know who you are. Because that’s what keeps you striving and discovering. And it forces you to remain humble in your judgments and accepting of the differences in others.
But when you stop and really think about it, conventional life advice-all the positive and happy self-help stuff we hear all the time-is actually fixating on what you lack. It lasers in on what you perceive your personal shortcomings and failures to already be, and then emphasizes them for you. You learn about the best ways to make money because you feel you don't have enough money already. You...
2018-06-07 11:06:47
But when you stop and really think about it, conventional life advice-all the positive and happy self-help stuff we hear all the time-is actually fixating on what you lack. It lasers in on what you perceive your personal shortcomings and failures to already be, and then emphasizes them for you. You learn about the best ways to make money because you feel you don't have enough money already. You stand in front of the mirror and repeat affirmations saying that you're beautiful because you feel as though you're not beautiful already. You follow dating and relationship advice because you feel that you're unlovable already. You try goofy visualization exercises about being more successful because you feel as though you aren't successful enough already.
Ironically, this fixation on the positive-on what's better, what's superior-only serves to remind us over and over again of what we are not, of what we lack, of what we should have been but failed to be. After all, no truly happy person feels the need to stand in front of a mirror and recite that she's happy. She just is.
There's a saying in Texas: "The smallest dog barks the loudest." A confident man doesn't feel a need to prove that he's confident. A rich woman doesn't feel a need to convince anybody that she's rich. Either you are or you are not. And if you're dreaming something all the time, then you're reinforcing the same unconscious reality over and over: that you are not.
Everyone and their TV commercial wants you to believe that the key to a good life is a nicer job, or a more rugged car, or a prettier girlfriend, or a hot tub with an inflatable pool for the kids. The world is constantly telling you that the path to a better life is more, more-buy more, own more, make more, fuck more, be more. You are constantly bombarded with messages to give a fuck about everything, all the time. Give a fuck about a new TV. Give a fuck about having a better vacation than your coworkers. Give a fuck about buying that new lawn ornament. Give a fuck about having the right kind of selfie stick.
And while there's nothing wrong with good business, the problem is that giving too many fucks is bad for your mental health. It causes you to become overly attached to the superficial and fake, to delicate your life to chasing a mirage of happiness and satisfication. The key to a good life is not giving a fuck about more; it's giving a fuck about less, giving a fuck about only what is true and immediate and important.
We suffer for the simple reason that suffering is biologically useful. It is nature’s preferred agent for inspiring change. We have evolved to always live with a certain degree of dissatisfaction and insecurity, because it’s the mildly dissatisfied and insecure creature that’s going to do the most work to innovate and survive. We are wired to become dissatisfied with whatever we have and sat...
2021-09-23 18:41:48
We suffer for the simple reason that suffering is biologically useful. It is nature’s preferred agent for inspiring change. We have evolved to always live with a certain degree of dissatisfaction and insecurity, because it’s the mildly dissatisfied and insecure creature that’s going to do the most work to innovate and survive. We are wired to become dissatisfied with whatever we have and satisfied by only what we do not have. This constant dissatisfaction has kept our species fighting and striving, building
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the solutions to today’s problems will lay the foundation for tomorrow’s problems,
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Victims seek to blame others for their problems or blame outside circumstances. This may make them feel better in the short term, but it leads to a life of anger, helplessness, and despair.
408-409
negative emotions are a call to action.
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Decision-making based on emotional intuition, without the aid of reason to keep it in line, pretty much always sucks.
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the idea that we’re always working hard to change our life situation, but we actually never feel very different. This is why our problems are recursive and unavoidable. The person you marry is the person you fight with. The house you buy is the house you repair. The dream job you take is the job you stress over. Everything comes with an inherent sacrifice—whatever makes us feel good will also inevitably make us feel bad.
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Real, serious, lifelong fulfillment and meaning have to be earned through the choosing and managing of our struggles.
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what it took me a long time to discover is that I didn’t like to climb much. I just liked to imagine the summit.
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our struggles determine our successes. Our problems birth our happiness, along with slightly better, slightly upgraded problems.
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The rare people who do become truly exceptional at something do so not because they believe they’re exceptional. On the contrary, they become amazing because they’re obsessed with improvement.
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The rare people who do become truly exceptional at something do so not because they believe they’re exceptional. On the contrary, they become amazing because they’re obsessed with improvement. And that obsession with improvement stems from an unerring belief that they are, in fact, not that great at all.
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But once ingested, your body will wake up feeling more potent and more alive. After all, that constant pressure to be something amazing, to be the next big thing, will be lifted off your back. The stress and anxiety of always feeling inadequate and constantly needing to prove yourself will dissipate. And the knowledge and acceptance of your own mundane existence will actually free you to accomplish what you truly wish to accomplish, without judgment or lofty expectations.
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Often the only difference between a problem being painful or being powerful is a sense that we chose it, and that we are responsible for it.
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If you’re miserable in your current situation, chances are it’s because you feel like some part of it is outside your control—that there’s a problem you have no ability to solve, a problem that was somehow thrust upon you without your choosing. When we feel that we’re choosing our problems, we feel empowered.
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When we feel that our problems are being forced upon us against our will, we feel victimized and miserable.
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he was 100 percent responsible for everything that occurred in his life, no matter what. During this period, he would do everything in his power to change his circumstances, no matter the likelihood of failure. If nothing improved in that year, then it would be apparent that he was truly powerless to the circumstances around him, and then he would take his own life.
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the realization that we, individually, are responsible for everything in our lives, no matter the external circumstances.
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We don’t always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond.
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Whether we like it or not, we are always taking an active role in what’s occurring to and within us.
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“With great responsibility comes great power.” The more we choose to accept responsibility in our lives, the more power we will exercise over our lives. Accepting responsibility for our problems is thus the first step to solving them.
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Responsibility and fault often appear together in our culture. But they’re not the same thing.
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Fault is past tense. Responsibility is present tense. Fault results from choices that have already been made. Responsibility results from the choices you’re currently making, every second of every day.
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Nobody else is ever responsible for your situation but you. Many people may be to blame for your unhappiness, but nobody is ever responsible for your unhappiness but you. This is because you always get to choose how you see things, how you react to things, how you value things. You always get to choose the metric by which to measure your experiences.
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Ultimately, while she was to blame for how I felt, she was never responsible for how I felt. I was.
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But at least now I was taking responsibility for my own emotions. And by doing so, I was choosing better values—values aimed at taking care of myself, learning to feel better about myself, rather than aimed at getting her to fix what she’d broken.
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Pain of one sort or another is inevitable for all of us, but we get to choose what it means to and for us.
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“I didn’t choose this life; I didn’t choose this horrible, horrible condition. But I get to choose how to live with it; I have to choose how to live with it.”
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The responsibility/fault fallacy allows people to pass off the responsibility for solving their problems to others.
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You are already choosing, in every moment of every day, what to give a fuck about, so change is as simple as choosing to give a fuck about something else. It really is that simple. It’s just not easy.
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The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it.
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That means the more something threatens to change how you view yourself, how successful/unsuccessful you believe yourself to be, how well you see yourself living up to your values, the more you will avoid ever getting around to doing it. There’s a certain comfort that comes with knowing how you fit in the world. Anything that shakes up that comfort—even if it could potentially make your life better—is inherently scary.
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maybe there’s nothing unique or special about my dreams or my job,” then he’s free to
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maybe there’s nothing unique or special about my dreams or my job,” then he’s free to give that screenplay an honest go and see what happens.
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This means giving up the supply of emotional highs that you’ve been sustaining yourself on for years.
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Being able to look at and evaluate different values without necessarily adopting them is perhaps the central skill required in changing one’s own life in a meaningful way.
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Failure itself is a relative concept.
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Improvement at anything is based on thousands of tiny failures, and the magnitude of your success is based on how many times you’ve failed at something.
I wanted the reward, not the struggle. I wanted the result, but not the process. I was in love with not the fight, only the victory. And life doesn't work that way. Who you are is defined by what you are willing to struggle for.
2021-08-21 07:25:291人喜欢
I wanted the reward, not the struggle. I wanted the result, but not the process. I was in love with not the fight, only the victory. And life doesn't work that way. Who you are is defined by what you are willing to struggle for.
Look, this is how it works. You're going to die one day. I know that's kind of obvious, but I just wanted to remind you in case you'd forgotten You and everyone you know are going to be dead soon. And in the short amount of time between here and there, you have a limited amount of fucks to give. Very few, in fact. And if you go around giving a fuck about everything and everyone without consciou...
2021-08-02 22:43:12
Look, this is how it works. You're going to die one day. I know that's kind of obvious, but I just wanted to remind you in case you'd forgotten You and everyone you know are going to be dead soon. And in the short amount of time between here and there, you have a limited amount of fucks to give. Very few, in fact. And if you go around giving a fuck about everything and everyone without conscious thought or choice--well, then you're going to get fucked.引自第13页
“ the desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.”
2021-07-27 23:48:30
“ the desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.”
4 有用 小周 2019-06-05 14:27:33
太叨逼叨,看不下去
9 有用 粉红泡泡 2017-10-31 04:04:33
其实是挺哗众取宠的一本书,不看也罢
6 有用 图图 2017-02-26 22:36:45
其实毒鸡汤也是鸡汤,写得好的鸡汤味也会很浓
100 有用 少玩游戏多看书 2017-07-25 23:02:38
读完这个标题书也就读了90%了
5 有用 郝海龙 2019-01-30 17:22:30
纯粹是因为布考斯基才买的一本书,一本反精神鸦片的精神鸦片。如果你在正确的时间读到了,应该可以获益不少。
0 有用 超级讨厌数学 2022-08-07 22:32:15
应该叫毒鸡汤吧……给我看很合适,因为我就是高敏度,什么事都会很在意,所以看看知道其实不在意就好啦🥰反正就这样,我在不在意都无所谓的啦🫤//看完了觉得写得还可以,挺好玩的~
0 有用 strictlyliftin 2022-08-06 04:11:14
A great Book on self awereness, the importance of the values we choose and how we measure those values impact our life. Definitely recommend it!
0 有用 Glovesun 2022-07-14 16:08:12
You know what? I don't give a fuck!
0 有用 Hannah Lang 2022-07-13 20:05:13
之前外教同事强烈推荐的,很多鸡汤其实都懂,但是作者不加修饰的粗鄙的语言风格还是挺有冲击力的。印象最深的就是价值观对做出选择的影响,还有亲密关系的边界感,迷茫的当下要折腾,还有就是人生旅途中没什么好怕的事。你做出选择,你为你的选择负责,就这么简单。
0 有用 忌口 2022-07-10 14:17:48
完全被标题吸引了读一读,可能最近生活中遇到了越来越多的事,I don’t want to give a fuck! 第一章感觉还有点意思,后面就俗套了,很鸡汤,快速的翻完,收获聊聊。