出版社: Harmony
副标题: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life
出版年: 2007-5-1
页数: 288
定价: USD 58.67
装帧: Hardcover
ISBN: 9780767924450
内容简介 · · · · · ·
Are You Being Gaslighted?
Check for these telltale signs:
1. You constantly second-guess yourself.
2. You wonder, “Am I being too sensitive?” a dozen times a day.
3. You wonder frequently if you are a “good enough” girlfriend/wife/employee/friend/daughter.
4. You have trouble making simple decisions.
5. You think twice before bringing up innocent topics of conver...
Are You Being Gaslighted?
Check for these telltale signs:
1. You constantly second-guess yourself.
2. You wonder, “Am I being too sensitive?” a dozen times a day.
3. You wonder frequently if you are a “good enough” girlfriend/wife/employee/friend/daughter.
4. You have trouble making simple decisions.
5. You think twice before bringing up innocent topics of conversation.
6. You frequently make excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends and family.
7 . Before your partner comes home from work, you run through a checklist in your head to anticipate anything you might have done wrong that day.
8. You buy clothes for yourself, furnishings for your apartment, or other personal purchases thinking about what your partner would like instead of what would make you feel great.
9. You actually start to enjoy the constant criticism, because you think, “What doesn’t kill me will make me stronger.”
10. You start speaking to your husband through his secretary so you don’t have to tell him things you’re afraid might upset him.
11. You start lying to avoid the put-downs and reality twists.
12. You feel as though you can’t do anything right.
13. You frequently wonder if you’re good enough for your lover.
14. Your kids start trying to protect you from being humiliated by your partner.
15. You feel hopeless and joyless. Your husband crosses the line in his flirtations with another woman at a dinner party. When you confront him, he asks you to stop being insecure and controlling. After a long argument, you apologize for giving him a hard time.
Your boss backed you on a project when you met privately in his office, and you went full steam ahead. But at a large gathering of staff—including yours—he suddenly changes his tune and publicly criticizes your poor judgment. When you tell him your concerns for how this will affect your authority, he tells you that the project was ill-conceived and you’ll have to be more careful in the future. You begin to question your competence.
Your mother belittles your clothes, your job, your friends, and your boyfriend. But instead of fighting back as your friends encourage you to do, you tell them that your mother is often right and that a mature person should be able to take a little criticism.
If you think things like this can’t happen to you, think again. Gaslighting is when someone wants you to do what you know you shouldn’t and to believe the unbelieveable. It can happen to you and it probably already has.
How do we know? If you consider answering “yes” to even one of the following questions, you’ve probably been gaslighted:
Does your opinion of yourself change according to approval or disapproval from your spouse?
When your boss praises you, do you feel as if you could conquer the world?
Do you dread having small things go wrong at home—buying the wrong brand of toothpaste, not having dinner ready on time, a mistaken appointment written on the calendar?
Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from. That’s because it plays into one of our worst fears—of being abandoned—and many of our deepest needs: to be understood, appreciated, and loved. In this groundbreaking guide, the prominent therapist Dr. Robin Stern shows how the Gaslight Effect works and tells you how to:
Turn up your Gaslight Radar, so you know when a relationship is headed for trouble
Determine whether you are enabling a gaslighter
Recognize the Three Stages of Gaslighting: Disbelief, Defense, and Depression
Refuse to be gaslighted by using the Five Rules for Turning Off the Gas
Develop your own “Gaslight Barometer” so you can decide which relationships can be saved—and which you have to walk away from
Learn how to Gasproof Your Life so that you’ll never again choose another gaslighting relationship
作者简介 · · · · · ·
[美]罗宾·斯特恩
纽约大学应用心理学博士,现为耶鲁大学情商中心的联合创始人和副院长,也是耶鲁大学儿童研究中心的学者。她是一名获得执照的精神分析师,有30年的从业经验,病人包括个人、夫妇及家庭。罗宾是RULER(耶鲁大学情商中心创立的将情商引入学校和工作场所的方法)的共同开发者之一,也是家庭版的RULER的共同开发者之一,同时是中心各学院的首席培训师。目前,罗宾也在哥伦比亚大学教育学院任教。她出版了两部著作:《煤气灯效应》和《重生项目》(Project Rebirth)。
罗宾是伍德哈尔学院的创始成员之一。她在那里花了15年时间创立并推动培养女性领导的计划。她曾担任许多美国广播节目的嘉宾,并到访多个地方,进行有关情商和关系霸凌的讲座。罗宾定期对全球各地的学校和公司提供咨询服务,并在过去的5年中和脸书合作,开发出了一套帮助成人和儿童培养情商、解决网络暴...
[美]罗宾·斯特恩
纽约大学应用心理学博士,现为耶鲁大学情商中心的联合创始人和副院长,也是耶鲁大学儿童研究中心的学者。她是一名获得执照的精神分析师,有30年的从业经验,病人包括个人、夫妇及家庭。罗宾是RULER(耶鲁大学情商中心创立的将情商引入学校和工作场所的方法)的共同开发者之一,也是家庭版的RULER的共同开发者之一,同时是中心各学院的首席培训师。目前,罗宾也在哥伦比亚大学教育学院任教。她出版了两部著作:《煤气灯效应》和《重生项目》(Project Rebirth)。
罗宾是伍德哈尔学院的创始成员之一。她在那里花了15年时间创立并推动培养女性领导的计划。她曾担任许多美国广播节目的嘉宾,并到访多个地方,进行有关情商和关系霸凌的讲座。罗宾定期对全球各地的学校和公司提供咨询服务,并在过去的5年中和脸书合作,开发出了一套帮助成人和儿童培养情商、解决网络暴力的工具。目前,罗宾为康涅狄格州纽黑文市的斯米洛癌症医院提供咨询服务。在2014年至2015年间,罗宾是耶鲁大学公共之声团队的成员,她的文章曾在多个广受欢迎的媒体平台发表,包括《今日心理学》、《赫芬顿邮报》、时代网、《华盛顿邮报》、《国会山报》和《哈佛商业评论》。她还是情商研究协会、“危机热线”和“由我开始”的顾问团成员。
罗宾居住在纽约。她很珍惜和儿子斯科特、女儿梅利莎的关系。他们也都在追寻着自己充满激情的梦想。
刘 彦 译
资深媒体从业者,金话筒奖和中国新闻奖得主,《韦氏高阶英汉双解词典》审稿专家,擅长英语教学、交传及同传。
The Gaslight Effect的书评 · · · · · · ( 全部 194 条 )
精神控制一个人,到底有多容易?
这篇书评可能有关键情节透露
在我们生活中,广泛存在着一种隐形的精神控制,在操纵者的驱使下,我们会逐渐失去自我意识,怀疑自己所坚持的一切,最后乖乖地听命于人。 这种精神控制,是各类型精神虐待和情感操控的鼻祖。 看完这本书,你就能发现,那些心术不正的人,如何利用人性的弱点,一步步把人拉向深... (展开)煤气灯人格:共情能力低下是不是一种天赋?
反对职场PUA从我做起
与煤气灯操纵者的共舞
Helped me a lot
这篇书评可能有关键情节透露
非常helpful,尤其我自己身处manipulative的关系之中,每次阅读都会感到视野突然清晰起来。看到有的短评批评说把锅都推给关系里的另一方,制造了完美受害者。首先书里已经一再强调了煤气灯关系是双人舞,由两个不那么mentally wholesome的人共同造就;其次也点明了所谓manipula... (展开)论坛 · · · · · ·
在这本书的论坛里发言这本书的其他版本 · · · · · · ( 全部5 )
-
中信出版集团 (2020)7.5分 8635人读过
-
平安文化 (2018)暂无评分 3人读过
-
Harmony Books (2018)7.5分 39人读过
-
Fusion Press (2008)暂无评分 8人读过
以下书单推荐 · · · · · · ( 全部 )
- 数字化目标---不确定性与风险管理2 (小毛叔)
谁读这本书? · · · · · ·
二手市场
· · · · · ·
- 在豆瓣转让 有26人想读,手里有一本闲着?
订阅关于The Gaslight Effect的评论:
feed: rss 2.0
3 有用 背鳍 2020-06-25 23:11:24
正常的分歧和争辩与gaslight最大的区别在于出发点。前者是出于想把问题解决,把情况变好的就事论事;后者是建立在别人痛苦之上的自我满足。很想知道那些gaslight施行者看到这些会作何感想。 书的前三分之二都很精彩,后面有些啰嗦和赘述了。解决方法的罗列有些杂乱。个人认为具体情况还是寻求医生或者信任的朋友帮助更好。
0 有用 人间别久不成悲 2023-06-21 14:44:14 新疆
作者是否也通过写作这本书PUA了部分👩🏻呢?噢,我错了,👩🏻不PUA👩🏻,就像👨🏻不PUA👨🏻①样
0 有用 Bryson 2020-10-30 12:56:30
36/还在努力的看 逐渐发现身边gaslight现象真的很普遍 希望也能努力摆脱吧//月底看完了!不错的泛读读物!这本书对于煤气灯效应进行了详细的解读,配合了案例,提供了很多实用的解决方法(但是后半部分有点啰嗦)日常生活中遇到问题要及时找身边的朋友亲人沟通,旁观者清;不硬刚,适时选择退出争吵是最明智的方法。
0 有用 喜知次 2021-05-06 17:30:29
哈哈哈,我同门发给我的书
0 有用 Heather 2019-12-25 19:20:47
bd女生悲剧也就是受这种需要践踏被人尊严而获得自信的gaslighter的影响,早点读到结局会不会改变呢?
0 有用 人间别久不成悲 2023-06-21 14:44:14 新疆
作者是否也通过写作这本书PUA了部分👩🏻呢?噢,我错了,👩🏻不PUA👩🏻,就像👨🏻不PUA👨🏻①样
0 有用 喜知次 2021-05-06 17:30:29
哈哈哈,我同门发给我的书
0 有用 Bryson 2020-10-30 12:56:30
36/还在努力的看 逐渐发现身边gaslight现象真的很普遍 希望也能努力摆脱吧//月底看完了!不错的泛读读物!这本书对于煤气灯效应进行了详细的解读,配合了案例,提供了很多实用的解决方法(但是后半部分有点啰嗦)日常生活中遇到问题要及时找身边的朋友亲人沟通,旁观者清;不硬刚,适时选择退出争吵是最明智的方法。
3 有用 背鳍 2020-06-25 23:11:24
正常的分歧和争辩与gaslight最大的区别在于出发点。前者是出于想把问题解决,把情况变好的就事论事;后者是建立在别人痛苦之上的自我满足。很想知道那些gaslight施行者看到这些会作何感想。 书的前三分之二都很精彩,后面有些啰嗦和赘述了。解决方法的罗列有些杂乱。个人认为具体情况还是寻求医生或者信任的朋友帮助更好。
0 有用 兔兔🐰 2020-05-22 13:09:22
这本书让我意识到我在之前的不管是在男女关系中还是亲情或者工作中 多多少少经历了gaslight, 希望我能在日后的生活中遇到gaslighters可以及早发现结束the gaslight tango.