8923对《Style》的笔记(5)

可能造成句子混乱的三种情况： 1 过多抽象名词（abstract&turgid） 2 冗余成分造成句子分裂（disjointed&not flow） 3 专有名词过多，只有专业人员能看懂（tachnical language） clear writting 的两个基本原则 1 the subjects of sentences name the cast of characters, 2 the verbs that go with those subjects name the crucial actions those characters are part of eg.Our lack of knowledge about local conditions precluded determination of committee action effectiveness in fund allocation to those areas in greatest need of assistance. p21 Even when we don't feel anything wrong with our own prose, others often do ,so we ought to do something that will let us anticipate that judgement.Aquick method is simply to run a line under the first five or six words of every sentence. If you find that(1)you have to go more than six or seven words into a sentence to get past the subject to the verb and (2)the subject of the sentence is not one of your characters,take a hard look at that sentence;its characters and acions probably do not align with subject and verbs.(If you want to do a more exact and thorough analysis,underline the subject of every verb,even those in subordinate clauses.)Then simply revise the sentence so that characters appear as subjects and their actions as verbs. P23 A few patterns of useless nominalizaiton(名词化结构）are easy to spot and revise. 1 When the nominalizaition follows a verb, with little specific meaning,change the nominalization to a verb that can replace the empty verb. 2When the nominalization follows there is or there are ,change the nominalization to a verb and find a subject: eg:there was considerable erosion of the land from the floods. The floods considerably eroded the land. P33 3 When the nominalizaition is the subject of an empty verb,change the nominalization to a verb and find a new subject: eg:our discussion concerned a tax cut. We discussed a tax cut. 4 When you find consecutive nominalizaitions ,turn the first one into a verb.Then either leave the second or turn it into a verb in a clause beginning with how or why: eg:there was first a review of the evolution of the dorsal fin. First,she reviewed the evolution of the dorsal fin. First,she reviewed how the dorsal fin evolved. 5 When have to revise more extensively when a nominalization in a subject is linked to a second nominalization in the predicate by a verb or phrase that logically connects them: p31 例句详P32 In some case,nominalizations are useful,even necessary. 1 The nominalizaition is a subject referring to a previous sentence: eg: These arguments all depend on a single unproven claim. 2 The nominalization names what would be the object of its verb: eg: I do not understand either her meaning or his intention. 3 A succinct nominalizaition can replace an wakward "the fact that" eg:the fact that I denied what he accused me of impressed the jury. My denial of his accusations impressed the jury. 4 Some nominalizations refer to an often repeated concept. eg:The Equal Rights Amendment was an issue in past lections. 5 We often use a nominalization after there is/are to introduce a topic that we develop in subsequent sentences(as distinct from an isolated there is +nominalization,seeP31) To choose between the active and the passive ,we have to answer two questions: First,must our audience know who is performing the action? Second,are we maintaining a logically consistent string of subjects? And third,if the string of subjects is consistent,is it the right string of subjects? P37-38 不成文的规定 以第一人称表述 多个名词连用形成的语义可通过介词，名词结构的使用来避免

Two complementary principles of cohesion 1 Put at the beginning of a sentence those ideas that you have already mentioned ,referred to ,or implied, or comcepts that you can reasonably assume you reader is already familiar with,and will readily recognize. 2 Put at the end of your sentence the newest,the most surprising,the most significant information: information that you want to stress----- perhaps the information that you will expand on in your next sentence. P48 BEGINNING WELL every time we begin a sentence,we have to juggled three or four lements that typically occur early on. 1To connect a sentence to the preceding one ,we use transitional metadiscourse,such as And ,But,Therefore, As a result: 2To help readers evaluate what follows ,we use expressions such as Fortunately,Perhaps,Allegedly ,It is important to note,For the most part,Under these circumstances,From a practical point of view,Politically speaking. 3We locate action in time and place:Then,Later,On May 23,In Europe 4And most important(note the evaluation),we announce at the beginning of a sentence its topic----the concept that we intend to say something about. P49 RULE OF TOPIC 为了使段落明晰连贯，在叙述过程中要确定topic，尽可能每个句子以此为强调重点。 Making Subjects and Topics for flow 1 Passive again 2Subject-complement switching. eg:the source of the American attitude toward rural diadects is more interesting More interesting is the source of the American attitude toword rural dialects. 3Subject-Clause Transformations.If you have a very long subject that does not allow you simply to switch it to the end of the clause,you can occasionally turn it into an introductory clause,allowing you to construct two shorter topic. eg:见P55 P54-55 Here are two principles that are more important than getting characters into the subjects of your sentences. 1 Put in the subject/topic of your sentences idea that you have already mentioned ,or ideas that are so familiar to your reader that if you state them at the beginning of a sentence, you will not surprise anyone. 2 Among groups of related sentences,keep their topics consistent,if you can.They don't have to be identical ,but they should constitute a string that your readers will take to be focused. P56 Here is a quick way to determine how well you have managed your topic in a passage.Run a line under the first five or six words of every sentence(in fact under the subject of every verb in every clause,if you can do it).Read the phrases you underlined straight through.If any of them seems clearly outside the general set of topics,check whether it refer to ideas mentioned toward the end of the previous sentence.If not,consider revising. p56

So the first step toward a syle that is clear,direct, and coherent lies in how you manage the first few words of every sentence.If at the beginning of your sentences,you consistently organize your subject/topics around a few central characters or concepts and then move quickly to close that subject with a precise verb expressing a crucial action,then by default you will habe to put important new information at the ends of your sentenses. P67 Because one element that opens a sentence is so important,we named it topic.And the end of a sentence plays a role no less crucial.When you utter a proach the end,you should ordinarily raise your pitch on one of those last few words and stress it a bit more strongly than you do the others. P67 How to MANAGING ENDINGS 1 Trim the end.In some case, we can just lop off final unnecessary words until we get to the information we want to stress,leaving that information in the final stressed position. 2 Shift less important information to the left. 3 Shift important information to the right. P68 ( but don't shift the clause if it creates an ambiguous construction.) SOME SYNTACTIC DEVICES there are a few grammatical patterns that add weight to the end of a sentence. 1 There you can open a sentence with "there" in order to push to the end of that sentence those ideas that the next sentences wil build on. P71 ( Like passives,"there"-constructions have a function:to stress those ideas that you intend to develop in following sentences. P72) 2 What A "what~"sentence throws special emphasis on what follows a linking verb. 3 It eg: 1) the domestic oil prices must eventually rise to the level set by OPEC once seemed inevitable. It once seemed inevitable that domestic oil prices must eventually rise to the level set by OPEC. 2) in 1933 this country experienced a depression that almost wrecked our democratic system of government. It was in 1933 that this country experienced a depresion that almost wrecked our democratic system of government. If you find yourself stuck with a sentence that ends flatly because you have to repeat a phrase you used in a previous sentence,at least try changing the phrease to a pronoun(代词）。 Finally,avoid ending a sentence with metadiscourse.Nothing ends a sentence more anticlimactically . eg: the opportunities we offer are particularly rich at the graduate level,it must be remembered. The opportunities we offer are,it must be remembered,particularly rich at the graduate level. P71-73 When you introduce a technical term for the first time ------or even a familiar but very important term------design the sentence it appears in so that you can locate that term at the end ,in its stress,never at the beginning, in its topic,even if you have to invent a sentence simply for the sake of difining or emphasizing that term. P75

There are some principles ,the book illustrated,which can make paragraphs coherent apply to prose of any length. 1 A cohesive paragraph has consistent topic strings. 2 A cohesive paragraph has another set of strings running throng it that we will call thematic strings. 3 A cohesive paragraph introduces new topic and thematic strings in a predicatable location:at the end of the sentence(s) that introduce the paragraph. 4 A coherent paragraph will usually have a single sentence that clearly articulates its point. 5 A coherent paragraph will typically locate that point sentence in one of two places. P81-82 具体阐述 For Principle 1 and 2 In any pargraph,the words in the topic strings and the words in thematic strings are not mutually exclusive.Some words in a topic string may turn up outside the topic position,and some words in the thematic string may turn up as topics. Together ,topic strings and thematic strings constitute the conceptual architecture of a passage ,the frame within which you develop new ideas. Topic strings focus your reader's attention on what a passage is globally about.The thematic strings give your reader a sense that you are focusing on a core of ideas related to those topics. P84-85 How do Thematic Strings Go Wrong? 1)Too Few Strings 2)Diffuse strings P86 Don't strive for "elegant variation."When you use two words for one concept,you risk making your reader think you mean two concepts. P87 For Principle 3 How Do New Strings Start? Signaling Topics and Themes We introduce new themes not anywhere in a sentence, but rather as close to its end as we can manage. P 87 You'll recall that in Chapter 4 we discussed the segment at the end of a sentence----its stress position, that part of the sentence that we use to sigal especially important information.We use that concluding stress position not only to emphasize important words that we think are important in that single sentence,but to signal that we intend to develop new themes in the sentences that follow. P88-89 Why not just use the term "topic sentence" One reason is that good writers often introduce paragraphs with more than just a single sentence.P89 We can introduce new topic strings and thematic strings in a single sentence.But just as often,we creat introductions consisting of two or three sentences.or _thogh rarely) more. To be certain that our readers don't overlook the importance of those new topic and thematic strings,we put them into the stress of the last sentence of the introduction. P92 So we would be misleading to talk about "topic sentence".We have to recognize in paragraphs a more complex introductory segment. To discuss that segment, we need two new terms Paragraph=Issue+Discussion Regardless of what we discourse ----paragraphs,sections,or wholes,we divide them into two sections; 1 A short opening segment.Toward the end of this segment,in the stress position of the last sentence,readers look for the concepts the writer will discuss in the following section. Thosse words are often topics,but they must also include themes. 2 A longer of following develops----and readers look for---- new ideas against a background of repeated topics and themes. We will call the opening segment the issue,and what follows it the discussion.The issue of a paragraph is not its ideas,its concepts,or its subject. The issue of a paragraph,of a section,or of a document is its introductory segment,its overturn,if you will.The discussion typically explains ,elaborates,supports,qualifieds,argues for what the writer stared in the issue. The issue promises;the discussion delivers.P92 When a paragraph feels out of focus,confused ,you may have one or more of four problems with its issue and discussion. 1 At the end of the issue ,you introduce a concept that readers take to begin a theme ,but you then fail to develop that concept in the discussion. 2 Conversely,you fail to anticipate in the issue important themes that you in fact develop in the discussion. 3 At the end of the issue you introduce a concept that readers think promises a theme,but in the discussion,you develop that concept using terms so varied that readers cannot connect them to your announced theme. 4 You mention in the issue those themes that you develop in the discussion, but you bury the references to them inside a sentence,instead of highlighting them in the stress of the final sentence of the issue. (Most of these problems usually result from the way most of us write our first drafts:When we draft,we are often happy just to get an opening sentence down on paper,never mind whether it sets up what follows(particularly since at that point we probably have no clear idea what in fact will follow.) P93-94 To revise these problems ,we do one or all of three things: 1 Look at the discussion indepenently of the issue and ask what themes in fact the paragraph develops.Then revise the end of the issue to include any thematic strings that are present in and important to that particular discussion 2Deliberately weave into the discussion whatever important thematic strings you framed in the issue but omitted from the discussion. 3Delete from the issue whatever you don't want to develop in the discussion. P94-95

For Principle 4 What's the point? Readers will expect to find in each paragraph and section,and also in the whole,a sentence that will be the logical ,argumentative, expository center,a sentence that you could send as the telegram capturing your central idea. P98 By POINT we mean the specific sentence on the page that the writer would send as a telegram if asked"what's your point" P99 Where's the POINT? For Principle 5 POINTS in Issues When writers want to be as clear as possible,they locate their POINTS where their readers most expect them:at the end the issue,whether the issue is the issue of a paragraph ,a section,or a whole document. P101 POINTS at the Ends of Discussions Predictably,a writer will put her POINT sentence at the end of paragraph because she intends to develop ,expand,elaborate,explore that point in the following series of paragraphs.In fact,if the writer uses the paragraph to introduce a whole document,then she will predictably locate her POINT at the end of that paragraph. p103 Introductory Paragraphs: A Special Problem In a single opening paragraph such as this,a paragraph that constitudes the issue to everyting that follows,the writer typically locates the main POINT sentence at the end of the paragraph,in the last sentence. And if the opening of an article or report consists of more than one paragraph, then the main POINT sentences will appear at the end of the whole opening. POINTS in Whole Documents We have made two generalizations about where to put POINT sentences in paragraphs: 1 If the paragraph is a body paragraph ,if it does not introduce a section or whole document,you can make you POINT sentence in either or both of two places:(a)at the end of the introductory issue,and (b)at the end of the paragraph;i.e.,at the end of the discussion. 2 But if the paragraph introduces a section or even a whole document, then you should put your POIN sentence at the end of that paragraph. P104 At the end of the introductory issue of your document,you must, 1 offer some kind of specific anticipatory POINT sentence(s) that clearly promise a main POINT still to come ;and 2 include toward the end of that anticipatory POINT sentence the themes and topics that you will pursue. P105 Headings as Test for Coherence 1 The Location of Headings 1.1 Locate in your document where you would inset a heading to signal the end of your issue and the beginning of your discussion.At this point ,don't worry about what should go into the heading;just locat where it should be. 1.2 In the body of the discussion,locate places where you would insert at least one more equivalent level of headings. 1.3 Repeat for each section until you have a heading at least every thress or four pages. p110 A Final Note on Drafting 1 List your main characters ,including any abstractions that seem to act as sources of action.Decide which characters will most interest your audience, decide whose point of view you want to take.The point of view defined by those characters will constitute most of the topics in your topic strings. 2 List a few central concepts that you think will run through your whole text.Then around each of those key concepts create clusters of additional concepts.The words for those central and subordinate concepts will provide many of your thematic strings. 3 If you think you know exactly what has to go into your POINT sentence,write it out.Specifically use the characters that will be the center of your clusters.Reall that the central conceptual terms will go toward the end of that POINT sentence.(If you don't know your POINT go to (8) 4 Subdivide the problem into manageable segments with their particular thematic strings and characters. 5 Before you write the firest word,decide whether the document is going to be POINT-early or POINT-last. 6 If POINT-last ,construct an anticipatory POINT sentence to get started.It too should have key thematic terms in it. 7 As you draft,occasionally remind yourself of your the matic and topic strings. 8 If you don't know your POINT,just start writing and hope. 9 Once you have produced a first draft,determine whether the POINT sentence in the draft is the same as the POINT sentence you wrote before you began to draft.Look paticularly for new words in the POINT in your conclusion. 10 If they are different,which dose the job better? It is likely that in the act of drafting you will have discovered something more interesting,more compelling,more pointed than you thought before you began. 11 At this stage in the process,you can begin the more detailed diagnostic work that goes into effective revision . P111-112